Hash Number: 1152
When: Monday May 12th at 7:00pm
Where: Laurel Hill Park
Weather: 58° and windy.
Why: Good Trail, Fine Table Cloths
Hare: Loco Morrow
Hashers: BreastStroke, Dog E Style, GI, He Man (V), He Mom (V)(NR), Keyhole, Massengil, Rat Bastard, Seoul Brudda, and Twatever
The trail was unique and memorable, although Loco started the pack in the same spot as Summit Hash #1079 on Monday March 21, 2007, The trail was new and improved.
This park has a long and varied history; as depicted in a 2007 movie, Snake Hill
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1056133/plotsummary
From 1870 to 1962, New Jersey's infamous Snake Hill institutions were the last stop for thousands of terminally ill patients, indigents, "lunatics" and prisoners. Approximately 10,000 bodies and their belongings were buried two-deep on the grounds. Abandoned and forsaken, they lay in deplorable conditions for decades as millions of unsuspecting motorists passed by on the New Jersey Turnpike every day.The hashers were chilled and shaken –like 007’s martini. The pack of 9 enthusiastically followed flour to and along the NJ Turnpike, only to come across a “BC-15” meaning back toward the start. This and other tricks held the pack together for the first 30minutes or so. Then a problematic check split the group into three factions. The hashers looked more like mountain goats, then r*nners. The basalt was sturdy at times, or crumbling under foot. This cliff-hanging, vertigo-inducing trail was not for wimps.
Eventually Massengil and Seoul were the only ones to figure out the true trail. They were rewarded with a trip to the top of the ‘Fraternity Rock’ part of the mountain. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snake_Hill
The others including BreastStroke, Keyhole, Twat, and Dog E, saw the hare’s car from a vantage point on the rock, so headed toward that spot, only to find the devious hare had moved by the time they got there. GI was also found wandering the fields and dales, in search of hashers or trail.
Rat and He Man were seen still traversing the rock face but were summoned to the beer by whistles and waves. Despite the seeming divergent paths, all hashers found their way to Loco’s beer car within five minutes or so.
All the while, a lone sheriff’s van was surveilling the park. He was either disinterested or oblivious, since he never made his way to the beer or hashers.
Here’s an estimation of the trail:
http://www.mapmyrun.com/run/united-states/nj/secaucus/750214757795
Arriving back at the cars the temperature seemed to dip into the single digits. There was little socializing an much shivering, especially from the Thai duo.
On On (Complications set in)
We were given the easy instructions to get to the On-In: Campanello’s 51 County Ave, Secaucus. Unfortunately, the hare didn’t read the fine print on the menu he was showing off: BUSINESS HOURS
Monday thru Friday 7 AM to 9 PM
Getting to the joint, looking lean and hungry, the pack was met by a guy leaving and laughing that the place was about to close. (Time check: 8:55PM) Dammit!
Keen eyed hashers looked across the street to a welcoming restaurant with neon beer signs in the window:
56 County Ave. Secaucus, NJ
The best Italian food By Sandra R
“Great place to have a party or a romantic dinner. The food is out of this world. Very quaint and quiet. Everything is made to order and I have never had a bad meal. We've had many parties there and they do a fantastic job to make it memorable.”
So across the street we trudged. Rat wanted to drive there, but he reconsidered given the ridicule he received. All was well until the menu was passed out. Loco nearly passed out too.
Highlights:
Filet Mignon Served with Broccoli $29.95
Filet Mignon Medallions Sorrentina With Eggplant, Prosciutto and Mozzarella in Light Red Sauce $25.95
Screw that! Pizza we wanted, pizza we got:
Pizza Bianco Mozzarella & Ricotta Cheese $12.95
Pizza Favorita Covered with Sliced Mozzarella, topped with Plum Tomato, Garlic, & Oil $12.95
Pizza Margherita With Fresh Mozzarella & Basil $14.95
As the kitchen was preparing our pies, we got a few pitchers and commenced the circle. The few customers in the room were alternatively curious and repulsed at the prospect of sitting through such shenanigans, especially the aforementioned Sandra R.
Circle:
Rat officiated his first circle as GrandMaster.
Compulsories:
Hare: Loco was congratulated for setting the best trail of the year, and also shamed for the worst. It should be noted that the bugs that dominated his last effort were miraculously missing this time.
FRB: Keyhole and HeMan
DFL: BreastStroke.
Non-Runner: He-Mom, visiting from Maine.
Visitors: He-Man from Phuket, Thailand and his mom from Maine.
Accusations:
· Alleged overachievers: Seoul and Massengil. “For doing the whole trail?”
· Short-cutters: Everyone else
· Hare for putting an arrow in the wrong direction at the top of a hill; “I was disoriented”.
· Keyhole for micromanaging the directions, making sure the drivers could find Exit 15-X
[What a coincidence, the rest of the diners paid up their tabs and left. More food for the rest of us.]
· For missing the AGM, two days ago, Keyhole and Loco stood up for a down-down.
· GI for coming late and not seeing flour or trail until after the beer check, which he managed to find.
· Keyhole again for recognition and appreciation of the Turd Brown Ale, he brewed and supplied for the AGM. (He was also informed that he is still the brew-meister.)
· The hare for dragging us to a closed On-In. It was also noted that once again, the hare found a place with real linen tablecloths (as promised).
· He Man arose to reminisce about the small world of hashing. In a Six degrees o separation conversation with Seoul Brudda, he found out that he knows the hasher that introduced Seoul to his wife, Robin. The guy’s name is Winky and is widely acknowledged to be and asshole.
· BreastStroke was called up for not being able to sing “What a wank…”
· Massengil gave a public service announcement. “I just found three ticks on me”.
Announcements:
There will be a full moon in May… “Sooner or later”, “You will be notified”
He Man gave all an initiation to Phuket Thailand. He also informed the group that, “My sister’s a hasher”. Her name is Airlock and may show up at an upcoming hash. He Mom got her on the phone for a long-distance down-down.
[Another coincidence: The circle ended as the food arrived.]
On-Out,
DogE Style
Still Scribe
DES/mmi
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Friday, May 9, 2008
Hash #1141 March 15, 2008
Ides of March Toga Party Hash!
Summit Hash # 1141 - Beware The Babes Of March - #3
When: Saturday, 3/15/08 at 3:00 PM
Where: Convent Station Train Station, Convent Station, NJ
Event: Ides_of_March/ Babes of March Hash and On-On Toga Party!
Hare: Whomp 'Em
Hashers: (19)Anal Lick it All, AntiCoch BreastStroke(?),Cereal Killer, Clitty Litter, Dog E Style, Dogmeat, Foreskin, GI, Good Shit Lollicock, Massengil, Miscast, No Genitals, Orgasmitron, Papoose, Rat Bastard, Seoul Brudda, Splice Girl, Tub Slut, Twatever, and Yer an Anal Cyst,
And some other new guy from somewhere else.
And, and Adam, Anya and Quinn. Plus: La-La, Maggie and Turd Taster.
The above list was gathered from this: Photographic evidence.
http://www.kodakgallery.com/ShareLandingSignin.jsp?Uc=8vsl89vv.2cz0ej37&Uy=-masgiq&Upost_signin=Slideshow.jsp%3Fmode%3Dfromshare&Ux=0&UV=345556050692_206108657208&localeid=en_US
Those 44 pictures are the only surviving records of this event.
At the duly appointed time the hashers showed up to do trail. Our usually diligent scribe was less than diligent for this event. Uncharacteristically, he didn’t take his scribe pad with him. Plus he was slightly unmotivated, having survived a torturous Rumson hash earlier in the day. That said, what follows is the scribe’s fleeting memories of the event. This also makes it simple to type up, when there’s no scrawled notes to try to read.
The dogs they had a meeting… In anticipation of this hash, and inspired by this Video, Clitty, Dog E and Dogmeat decided to get out there and get the makings of a toga. So, by coincidence, the trio met at an arts and crafts store on Route 22, only to find that there was no suitable material in that store, so off they went to Fabricland in their quest for toga material. Dog E came away with three yards of green fabric, Dogmeat went with the Flintstone look.
Trail:
Arriving late with Clitty, the scribe quickly cinched up his toga and was off with the crowd. His costume was green in honor of St Patrick’s Day. He accessorized with a plastic roman sword at his side.
What kind of town is Morristown? It’s the kind of town that a fella can run around, wearing a green toga carrying a roman sword, and not have anyone bat an eye… That’s my kind of town!
He was seen to accost civilians and ask in a threatening way, “Are you Caesar” while raising his sword to inflict the fatal blow. Needless to say, the civilians just laughed and walked away.
In one of those encounters, he lost his dagger. He then foolishly backtracked, looking to retrieve the $2 hash prop. This ill-advised foray caused him to loose the pack for the umpteenth time. (Yes, he keeps diligent records; this was indeed the umpteenth time he was dropped by the pack.) The wayward dog finished as the pack was gathering their stuff and heading off to Whomp ‘em’s.
Upon returning to the train station, cK was standing, chagrined, next to his dead Rabbit. It seemed he blew a hose on his way. He was dead in the water, but for the heroic action of Clitty. You see, while the hashers were hashing, she went out of her way to try to find a replacement hose for the dead Rabbit.
Toga sporting hashers: (10) Dog E Style, Dogmeat, Dr. O, GI, Papoose, Rat Bastard, Seoul Brudda, TubSlut, Whomp em, and YAAC
Circle:
The circle was well underway when cK, Clitty and Dog E made it to the deck. The proceedings of that assembly were not documented.
Food:
As is traditional at an On-On hosted by Whomp ‘em the food was plentiful and excellently prepared.
On-Out
DogE Style
DES/mmi
Monday, April 21, 2008
Camel Bowel's Full Scottish Monty Hash! Full Moon #93, Summit Hash #1143
Circa: 1965 - Jack Brothers - Camel's real taste satisfies longer.
Twas a braw bright moonlit nicht
Camel's Full Scottish Monty Hash!
Hash: Full Moon #93, Summit Hash #1143
When: Monday 24th March 2008 @ 7pm
Where: Scottish American Club, 40 Patterson Street, Kearny, New Jersey
Kilts: Optional but highly recommended
Weather: 50° and dark.
Hare: Camel Bowels
Hashers: (11) Dog E Style, Dogmeat, GI, Good Shit Lollicock, Hazmatt, Massengil, Miscast, Rear End Wrangler, Seoul Brudda, Tub Slut, and Twatever
“…And so it came to pass that the home of America's finest immigrant population, will now host the first SFMH3 event to be run through the hills and dales of lovely Kearny.”The parking at the Scots Club was a challenge for some. There was no nearby carpark, and too many larries in the causey. Additionally, the fire brigade was busy tending a gleed up the wynd. To make sense of that the scribe recommends, see explanatory note below.
The scribe was late, having come straight from work. He brought the still-fractured RE Wrangler with him to the wee clachan of Kearny. Kearny, NJ
The Sopranos used to film in Kearny. The location of the fictitious Satriale's Pork Store, which houses Tony Soprano's office in the show, was at 101 Kearny Avenue. The pig was placed back on the roof when filming.
What kind of town is Kearny? It’s kind of town that someone can run around business and residential neighbourhoods in a ‘front-to-back’ kilt and not raise any suspicion, nor an eyebrow.
Trail:
The hare gave a rousing Braveheart like speech stirring the Scottish patriotism amoung his troops. And with that the pack was out. They embarked on an anti-clockwise trail around Kearney and environs. Traipsing in every direction but the intended one. The true trail following the train tracks, the trail gave spectacular view of the Manhattan skyline. The pack also got to appreciate the topography of the Meadowlands and a landfill.
Scribes estimation of the route: Camel hash SFM93
Find more Runs in Kearny, New Jersey
Link: http://www.mapmyrun.com/run/united-states/nj/kearny/263739281
Circle
Dogmeat was handed the reins of the circle at 8:40pm
Some sniveling about the perceived lack of flour or chalk marks.
FRB: Although it was not acknowledged in the circle, Twatever was first in. she was also among the first out. She had to leave before the circle was organized, so didn’t get a chance to revel in her glory. “Winning the hash” is usually a phrase only uttered by Keyhole. The rest of the hash is just happy to finish at all.
DFL: The honours went to Dog E and Massengil (despite his GPS gizmo)
Non-Runner: Good Sh!t Lollicock a second time visitor from San Francisco. He alleged that he ran 10 miles in and around town, but the lack of perspiration gave away his ruse.
Another NR was RE Wrangler, who was milking sympathy over his broken ankle. No, don’t get up.
Accusations
Hazmatt and Massengil, something about not calling out when they knew they were on trail. (Dogmeat tried to explain but the complications were too complicated.
GI while looking for parking spot, he didn’t notice the assembled hashers pointing out a perfectly legal spot right in front of the club. He had to circle the block a few times to get the hint.
Kilted hashers: Tub Slut and Dog E this wasn’t so much an accusation, but a congratulatory down-down for following directions. This also acknowledges that Dog E has officially qualified for the Society of Kilted Hashers.
The hare was looking too bonnie in his cleidin. He insisted he changed into his hash braws, simply by tirring his hause tie. This provoked another Down-Down for Camel
Ed note: The scribe is not completely nuts; he’s just spent too much time using the Scots online dictionaryhttp://www.scots-online.org/dictionary/useeng.htm
On-Inn
Scots American Athletic Club of Kearny, NJ
http://www.scotsclub.com/about.htm
Motto: "…. Shall be to promote good fellowship among all its members and to engender a more harmonious feeling among all."
The hare took the opportunity to slag the kilted scribe. He regaled the hashers with a cock-and-bull yairn about The Black Watch, which was whid. The hare told the gathered hashers that the Black Watch was a regiment of poofters, which is why the tartan is so widely available. It’s most often seen in consignment shops in Edinburgh(a) and Glasgow.
Of course none of that is true, the Black Watch was recently disbanded, but had a rich history as fierce Scottish warriors. They had as a motto: "Wha daur meddle wi me?"Which translates to "Who dare meddle with me?" This was later appropriated by the colonists in the Gadsen Flag, you know… The yellow one with the rattlesnake, “Don’t Tread on Me”
The Black Watch (Royal Highland Regiment) was the first kilted regiment in the British Army, and the first to introduce the bagpipe. It's the oldest Highland regiment and can trace a line back to 1624 when the government of the day started raising Independent Companies to keep a check on the wild clansmen… The Black Watch, or "Royal Highland Regiment", the oldest of the Highland units, wear the "Universal" tartan. Sometimes called the "Black Watch" or "42nd" tartan, it is claimed to be a Campbell tartan and is worn as such, when woven in brighter color shades, by the Duke of Argyll. The pipers of the Regiment, however, wear a different tartan, the "Royal Stewart", as is the custom in certain of the Scottish regiments.
Wearing the tartan is not the same as knowing how to wear it. Dog E was ridiculed by the otherwise nice lady bartender, for wearing his kilt “Front-to-Back” The pleats go on your bum. Dog E then realized he should have read the instructions in the kilt pack.
Addendum:
Dog E bought his kilt from this outfit: http://www.stillwaterkilts.com/
On Out
Dog E Style,
Scribe
Summit Full Moon Hash House Harriers
DES/mmi
1146 Alibi and Honey Buns do Tweed
Summit Hash Number: 1146
Hares: Alibi and Honey Buns
Where: Tackamack Park (Southern part of Blauvelt State Park)
When: Saturday April 12, 2008 at 3:00 pm
Weather: Spectacular: 75 and clear
Hashers: (17) Anal Lick it All, BreastStroke, Clitty Litter, Dancin Fool, Dog E Style, Dogmeat, Finger In, Keyhole, Little Sacs, Massengil, Miscast, Orgasmitron, Papoose, Rear End Wrangler, Seoul Brudda, Twatever, and Whomp em. And: Anya and Quinn
Not to mention: Maggie
Excused absence: GI and Tub Slut.
Honorable mention: Just John
As the hashers arrived, every spot was taken up by a hash car, every spot but one: The one occupied by John. We never got his real name, but we know his game: “A game played all over town, the girls with ten toes up, the men with ten toes down…” He must have been hot in his car, since he spent his time fanning himself with a dollar bills.
This "john" showed Clitty the money, which got her a bit nervous; she then removed valuables from her car and gave to Honey Buns for safekeeping. IE, the currency cooler caused Clitty concern.
By all accounts, this was the first time in its glorious history that Blauvelt hosted the Summit hash. 1145 previous hashes and hares, and no one thought of this awesome venue.
Massengil was still wobbly from a week at sea. He jumped ship mid-Hudson and swam up to the Tappan Zee to get to the hash. Such dedication!
Unofficial pictures of the hash: http://www.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=8vsl89vv.5tqspro3&x=0&y=-l02t28&localeid=en_US
Trail:
The trail was inspired by an unemployed hare. He has time on his hands to explore the area. His reccy forays were rewarded.
Who’s that Keyhole that saved this map? http://maps.google.com/maps?q=http://bbs.keyhole.com/ubb/download.php?Number=878026&t=k&om=1
Blauvelt State Park is a great venue. Ya gotta love a place with a mountain named after Boss Tweed!
William M. Tweed (April 3, 1823 – April 12, 1878), was an American politician who was convicted for stealing over 100 million dollars from New York City taxpayers
That guy puts Mayor Sharpe James to shame. $100,000,000! In 1873!! And he wasn’t even from New Jersey!!!
The chicken-eagle trail was split at a tunnel. This tunnel was the reason the hares stressed the need for appropriate lighting for an afternoon hash. It was purportedly made as part of a firearms range in the early part of last century.
The trail was alternatively rocky, which is typical for the region, but a welcome section was pine padded.
Rear End Wrangler was initially excited to find out what happens at the back of the pack. Apparently he wasn’t that jazzed about the DFL group since he hit the afterburners on his tricked-up cast and disappeared into the woods.
Arriving at the BC the pack was full of good spirits, not that kind, more like good mood. The trail led them through the tall pines and up up up to the top of the aforementioned Tweed Mountain. Along the way, the pack had expansive views of the Hudson River valley. The view from the BC included the Tappan Zee Bridge far below, and midtown Manhattan in the distance.
Does this look like a big head, or is it just me?
Here’s the hare’s resource guide to the park:
Promises promises; with all those critters spotted by the late Ms. Spotter, we saw no Titmice, tufted or not.
Honey Buns said that this is a well known hangout for prostitution....when reccing trail she saw one such service call.
Honey Buns shows off her new, "dollar fan".
Circle
With all the planning and setting the hares neglected a vital component of the hash… more beer than anyone could possibly drink. They only brought an appropriate amount for normal people, thus not enough to have a “Proper Circle” as Big Bird would say. The pack was rounded up and sent packing down the hill to the On-On, Bailey’s Smokehouse. “A freakin’ family restaurant”
We all got our seating figured out by 6:00 and at 6:10 Dogmeat was calling the circle to order. It was a circle in name only. The actual geometric shape was more of a series of irregular polygons. As good as the venue could have been, when we were there, it was overrun by rug-rats who were dragged away from their Nintendos for the afternoon.
That said, the circle was a brief and G-rated affair.
Hares: Alibi and Honey Buns
FRB: Anal and his kilt, and Miscast without his kilt
First into the BC was the still-gimpy Wrangler. (Considering he walked the entire trail, that feat was as mysterious as it was unexplained)
First trail in a while: Clitty Litter.
Then some accusations were heard:
Keyhole was called for trying to see what was under Anal’s hash kilt. It’s a different matter to ask, “What’s under your kilt?” and to actually lift the kilt to see for yourself. The scribe chose to belabor that point because he is also in the “Society of Kilted Hashers”, and such kilt lifting is usually unwelcome.
Over achiever: Dog E Style for haring Rumson’s hash earlier in the day.
Pussy Killer: Little Sacs says he didn’t actually launch the ordinance that left his workplace and landed in a civilian’s house killing the family cat. He was held guilty by association.
Hash dedication: Clitty was called up to congratulate her for renting a car to get herself to the hash.
There may have been other accusations, but they weren’t heard. The din of the restaurant overwhelmed the auditory input of the scribe.
ON-ON
Bailey’s Smokehouse [Rockland County]
at Bailey’s Blauvelt Inn
136 Erie St. E., Blauvelt, NY
The food was plentiful and tasty. The beer was of excellent vintage. What more can we say?
How’s about some pictures of the food?
Check it out:
http://offthebroiler.wordpress.com/2006/06/05/ny-dining-preview-baileys-smokehouse/
On-Out
DogE Style
SHHH Scribe
DES/mmi
Friday, April 11, 2008
1139 YAAC does the little things
Y Ddraig Goch
(The red dragon)
Dydd Gwyl Dewi Hapus!
(Happy St. David’s Day)
Hash No. 1139
When: 03/01/08 3:00 PM
Where: Mountainside Park, Pompton Plains, NJ
Hare: YerAnAnalCyst (YAAC), Turd Taster
Weather: 45º, with clearing skies as the hash started.
Hashers: (15) Anal Lick It All, Breaststroke, Clitty Litter, Dog E Style, Dogmeat, Finger In, GeneYass, GI, Great Sex, Just Bruce, Just Matt, Papoose, Rat Bastard, Seoul Brudda, Twatever, and Whomp ‘em, Also, Anya and Quinn, And: Brady and Saliva.
Aaaah Spring is the in the air and the first hash of the Babes of March had arrived!
Spring may have been in the air but so was a snow squall, which greeted the early arrivers with blizzard-like conditions for several minutes.
Coincidentally, it was also St. David’s Day, honouring that Welsh dragon-slaying hunk of a guy... oh wait, no, that’s St. George (patron saint of England). Turns out, there’s no connection between old Dewi and the red dragon that adorns the Welsh flag (attached). For a full history see: http://www.stdavidsga-cymru.org/Dewisant.html
St. David’s best-known piece of advice is ”Gwnewch y pethau bychan” or “Do the little things” so take heart, there’s hope for all the hashers!
Despite his status as Patron Saint, He was recently elected the 47th most popular Welsh hero. [See Appendix A]
We can’t go to the beautiful rolling hills of Wales, so instead we’ll try those in Pompton Plains. There will be 2 chicken/eagle splits, beer check (don't worry, not going for worst beer award this year), and nice views if the weather cooperates. Also, if all the snow/ice melts, both eagles and chickens are likely to be going through some shiggy...so bring spare shoes/socks. Leeks and Daffodils are complimentary.
Trail
http://www.localhikes.com/Hikes/Mountain_side_5602.asp
With the fresh layer of snow to slip and slide on, the hashers took to the area.
The conditions were also perfect for packing into snowballs. There were at least two documented snowball assaults on unsuspecting hashers:
Dog E picked up a stick and made like a batter, GeneYass quickly made snowballs and promptly beaned the batter. All subsequent ‘pitches’ hit the batter. It wasn’t until the 5th or 6th time that Dog E figured out that she was intentionally hitting him!
The second was when FRB Matt hunkered down behind a rock pile and ambushed the followers with a barrage of tightly formed snowballs.
GeneY made and carried a pint-sized snowman on trail. She thoughtfully placed it on trail in a place she knew would encourage and those left behind.
Also noted was GI’s intimate knowledge of the area, which allowed the back of the pack to take an impromptu short cut along the natural gas line, back to the start.
Circle:
The circle was called to order by Rat Bastard at precisely 4:50.
First up the perfunctory down-downs:
Hare: Yer An Anal Cyst (YAAC), and her trust sidekick, Turd Taster. As TT was not in attendance, her down-down was deferred.
FRB: Finger In and new guy, Matt.
DFL: Dog E Style and Clitty Litter.
Accusations:
· Dogmeat called up GI. It seemed that GI took a special interest in GeneYass’s ‘new’ car. He picked the precise moment that GeneY was changing in her car to look inside at the interior.
· Dogmeat for Moussing his arm.
· Whomp ‘em’s new cowboy boots also drew considerable attention as well as a drink.
· Dog E for taking leave of the circle. He was seen sprinting away in hot pursuit of Saliva, who was approaching some indigenous wildlife. This may also account for the brevity of these proceedings.
· Breaststroke was called up as the BD boy. His big day was the next day.
· Twatever was called into the center for sporting a strange blanket-like cover.
As this was the third hash of the triple-header, the following hashers should be recognized. This may or may not have been acclaimed at the circle due to the scribe’s disappearance
Over-Under achiever: Dog E hared the hash the previous night, (2/29) then attended Col. Hogan’s birthday hash in the morning, and then this event. The under achieving part is that he was DFL at both of the day’s hashes.
Over-over achiever: Great Sex: Also attended all three, except she was front runners at all three.
Wannabe over achiever: GI, went to the Friday hash, and this one. He get’s honorable mention for attempting to get to the morning hash. He made it to the Parkway exit before being called off by his wife.
Ultimate underachiever: Rat Bastard admitted he stayed up drinking all night long. He even made a luge track in Dionne’s backyard. He was ‘sooooo’ hungover all hash day long.
He only attended the one hared by his better-half. He did get some credit for setting up a luge track in his backyard the night before
And just like that, the circle was concluded at 5:07PM. A short and sweet affair
In keeping with Saint David's Day tradition, the hare bought Daffodils for all harriets.
She also provided Leek soup for the chilled hashers. Leek soup is a kind of soup that is made out of salt, water and leeks. Because of its inexpensive cost it is often used in soup kitchens. It is often made with wild leeks. It is often considered to be a Welsh national dish
Interestingly, she did not serve Faggots. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Faggot_%28food%29
So we headed to Jiggs,
On-On:
Jiggs Corner Music Saloon
1248 Route 23 North, Butler
The entertainment consisted of a TV showing a forgettable 1998 remake of Mighty_Joe_Young, about a big ape going apeshit in LA.
Finger In sported his new 3-Tequila-Floor t-shirt.
Directions:
To Jiggs:. About 1 mile North of I-287 and a perfect hash bar. I promised the very pretty bartender that they guys would sing for their beer so get your voices ready to impress!
Something inspired Whomp ‘em to reminisce about last years Co-Motion by the Ocean. “The boat ride back & the vibrations of sitting at the back of the boat!!” she added, “I hope there’s a boat ride this year.”
On-Out:
Dog E Style
Scribe
Appendix A:
http://www.100welshheroes.com/en/top100
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Joint Summit / Rümsön Häsh 1142 3/22/08
Hash Number 1142
Hares: Anal Lick it All and Mr. Jackson
Location: Liberty Tavern – Union NJ
Weather: Sunny, low 50's – perfect
Attendees: (23) Anal, Breaststroke, Brother Mike, Camel Bowels, Dave the Mason, Dead Man Walking, Dr. O, Elephant Dick, Flicker, GI, IRA, JR, Just Michelle, Keyhole, Miscast, Mr. Jackson, Papoose, Seoul Brudda, Sex, Tight Lips, Tub Slut, Twatever, Whomp 'em, Wrangler and I think a few others I am forgetting.
So there we were, on the first Saturday of Spring, also Easter Saturday hanging out at a bar at 10:45 am. Nothing like celebrating the warmer weather waiting for friends to arrive standing around a parking lot. As more and more people started to arrive a lot of discussion went into where people should park with there being limited parking available in the primary lot, most people not seeing the secondary lot and those late cummers filling the street.
As 11:15 approached Mr. Jackson went into something he rarely if ever does, no not his Depends, but Chalk Talk. Seeing that Rumson does not use this little prep talk to warn the hashers of their upcumming doom he was a little rusty in what actually to say during this diatribe. He got through it well enough and sent the pack off in a hurry.
The runners were off like the wind with the walkers staying behind to hear the shortcutting directions right to the beer check.
(Below notes on trail are either be made up or taken from drunken hashers due to the fact that I was the hare and drove to the Beer Check to bring libations to thirsty hashers).
The pack found the first check easily enough and most went to and fro on the adjacent streets to the check. Twatever, seeing a small entry to a bunch of shiggy diligently goes straight for the bush. Dave the Mason asked her if she had inside information and her reply was "No, but I think I know Anal well enough to know where he is going to take us" and sure enough that is where trail went. Straight through mud, prickers, shiggy and swamp land for the next mile or so. There were water crossings, a chicken eagle split and lots of water to get everyone wet and dirty.
Mr. Jackson and I took the feeble and injured, Wrangler with his broken foot, directly to the beer check. We had just enough time to park the car and walk over to the place in the woods where the pack was going to meet us when Twatever comes bursting out of the woods like a bear is chasing her. Not even a minute later the walkers arrive from their short cutting ways and within 2 more minutes almost every eagle made their way into the beer check. A damn fine job by the hares to keep that pack together and have every one arrive within a 5 minutes span. All the thirsty hashers had was a fine case of Budweiser supplied by Mr. Jackson. No water or chips for those not inclined to the King of Beers.
After the Beer Check the pack was given simple direction of leave the woods, cross the bridge and look for the next check. Well this must have been to much information for Seoul Brudda because he leaves the woods and starts looking around aimlessly until Twatever saves him from traffic and send him down trail. Trail from the beer check stay just to the west of the Raritan River heading south until it joined some previously hashed territory in Springfield by a drainage ditch and old railroad crossing. Across the decrepit tracks and back to Liberty Ave where trail made a beeline back to the Tavern. Overall one hell of a trail.
Back at the Tavern it was simple enough, $5 on the bar and Mr. Jackson paid for your bar tab for 15 minutes. This work like a charm and everyone seemed happy. No circle, no accusations, no songs, just happy hashers enjoying a beer and some food with friends.
On On until Monday Night. Camel Bowels will be taking us through the bowels of Kearney for the Summit Full Moon Hash.
Scribe in practice,
Anal Lick it All
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
H.@.L.Y. S.H.!.T. hash
Ronen, this your computer sucks –big time. Yes I’m calling you Ronen not Finger In, because I need you to come down here and fix it. I had this write-up 99% done.. I saved it to this work computer. When I came back in the morning it disappeared. No amount of searching or crying could bring it back. Get down here and fix this goddam computer. OK, enough whining, this is a redo, but the one I tried to save was really good.
Holy Cow-Dung Poker Hash!
Hash No. 1138
When: 2/29/08 7:00 PM
Where: Dover RR Station
Hares: Dog E Style, Anal Lick it All, Twatever, Double Dribble (by proxy)
Weather: 30° with a threat of snow in the air.
Hashers: Camel Bowels, Dogmeat, Finger In, GI, Great Sex, Little Sacs, and Massengil.
No dogs, no kids.
Trail included FOUR bars,
~FOUR kilometers,
FOUR Hares,
FOURnicating fun over
FOUR hours done
Once every FOUR Years.
The format was first developed for the 2004 HOLY Sh!T hash: Hash On Leap Year – Sadie Hawkins Is Today. Some dissention of whether this was actually Sadie Hawkins day was brushed off by the hares. It makes for a good acronym, so too bad; Sadie Hawkins is today.
Like an overused cowboy movie cliché, the early arrivers had to wait for the train to pull into the station. Each tick of the clock brought the train closer to the platform. After waiting for the 7:17 train from Summit, Morristown and points east, the only gunslinger to arrive on that train was Finger In, the rest took more conventional forms of transportation.
Before leaving on the first leg, the assembled hashers drew a card from the deck. Bikers doing multi-stop rides popularized the theme of poker run. The format was for the hasher to draw a card from a deck, and have it recorded on their cards. Since there’s no bluffing or betting, secrecy was not needed. One deck would suffice since the player didn’t keep the card. This would be repeated at each stop along the way. The person with the best hand, second best hand and worst hand will be awarded prizes at the end of the Hash
The whistle blew and the On-On’s filled the chilled air. The pack in hot pursuit of flour soon found them in front of the Unique Bar & Grill. It was unique because it had the most expensive beers in town. It was also one of the most boring places on Blackwell St. It was also not a designated beer check, so the hashers continued their quest, eventually reuniting with the trail. After a brief foray into the environs of the train station, the trail led right back to the station, specifically, Murphy's Third Rail, as luck would have it, the Friday happy hour lasted until 8PM. As the hashers were enjoying their half priced beers, the guitar guy was strumming along in the corner, singing the Simon & Garfunkel songbook. At precisely 8PM the hash was on-out the door.
The second leg, set by Anal was to the west and south of the station, winding up at The Dart just as the snow was starting to fall. This bar was dark and dreary, more of a Rumson place then leap year place. Never the less, it had two major attractions, One: a beautiful bartender, but more importantly for hashers, cheap beer. Any domestic swill was $1.25 per mug. This price was sufficiently low, and the turnout so meager that one of the hares actually bought a round for the hash. (Grand total: $9). Among all that excitement, the third card was drawn.
Camel gave Sacs a lesson in dart tossing. He even knew how to keep score and add up the results.
The men’s’ room, in such a classy establishment had a unique feature. It had a large fist-sized hole in the door. That must be so that patrons could see if the room was occupied.
GI showed up just as the next leg was to start.
DogE thought he would set a good trail. The trail led up into and around a large cemetery. This caused the pack to get dazed and confused, since by this time the snow was getting heavier and starting to accumulate. The chalk marks on trees and poles was obscured by the blown snow. Soon enough, the pack got the scent and made it in to bar #3. The Laughing Lion, a fancy-smancy brew pub, with 101 choices on the beer list.
Looking at the PubCrawler - Pub/Brewery Review of the joint, an astute observer noticed this section:
Beer Quality Beer Selection Food Service Overall
N/A Great Good Good Good
too much fake foliage jennifer byrne, rockaway, NJ (09/29/1997)
That review was either a false accusation or taken to heart, since in the ensuing decade, the fake foliage was no more.
By now the snowstorm was in full force, with a few inches on the ground. The intrepid hashers, led by Twatever, made their way to the final bar of the evening. The ‘trail’ was an out-of-service train track, which followed the Rockaway River for a block or two. The pack celebrated completion of the arduous trail at bar #4; Murray’s a local hangout with at least two potential hashers.
Finishing off the poker run, the fifth card was drawn.
DogMeat was selected as the RA for the hash. The Circle was called to disarray at about 10:30PM. Much to the other bar patrons, we were denied the use of the unoccupied back room, so they got full effect of our antics.
FRB: Everyone
DFL: Camel, he got lost following white marks, instead of the hare. (There weren’t any trail marks for this section)
Poker: Best hand: Anal with three jacks.
Second best: Twat, who had pairs of queens and kings.
Third best: Sacs, with a pair of kings.
Worst: Massengil, queen high
Not paying attention: Finger In, who only had four cards.
Anal magnanimously refused the top prize, donating it to the bar bill. (Magnanimously was not easy to spell at the fourth bar)
Finger In mentioned that the first part of the trail was vaguely reminiscing of the worst trail ever –the one he set a few years ago. Leading from the train station to the Dart Bar.
Twatever: For her short-lived career of restaurant critic. She used a pseudonym in the above review of the Laughing Lion.
Little Sacs for surviving another year against all odds. His birthday was a day or two earlier.
Announcement: HOLY SHIT hash #3 will be held on February 29, 2012. The location will be announced sometime in the next four years.
Then the QGM was called. Like an AGM, it was the general meeting that is called every four years, but also each and every hash of the HOLY SH!T H3.
Minutes of the Quadrennial General Meeting:
By acclimation, Double Dribble was voted to another term as Grand Master, “Four More Years”. Other offices included the quadrennial hares were also renewed.
Finally, what’s a hash without a little petit larceny? As last one out the door, Dog E stole someone’s sweatshirt and sparkly scarf. His lame excuse that he thought it was one of ours, was did not go over well with the local constabulary.
On Out,
DogE Style,
Scribe HOLY SHIT hash
Holy Cow-Dung Poker Hash!
Hash No. 1138
When: 2/29/08 7:00 PM
Where: Dover RR Station
Hares: Dog E Style, Anal Lick it All, Twatever, Double Dribble (by proxy)
Weather: 30° with a threat of snow in the air.
Hashers: Camel Bowels, Dogmeat, Finger In, GI, Great Sex, Little Sacs, and Massengil.
No dogs, no kids.
Trail included FOUR bars,
~FOUR kilometers,
FOUR Hares,
FOURnicating fun over
FOUR hours done
Once every FOUR Years.
The format was first developed for the 2004 HOLY Sh!T hash: Hash On Leap Year – Sadie Hawkins Is Today. Some dissention of whether this was actually Sadie Hawkins day was brushed off by the hares. It makes for a good acronym, so too bad; Sadie Hawkins is today.
Like an overused cowboy movie cliché, the early arrivers had to wait for the train to pull into the station. Each tick of the clock brought the train closer to the platform. After waiting for the 7:17 train from Summit, Morristown and points east, the only gunslinger to arrive on that train was Finger In, the rest took more conventional forms of transportation.
Before leaving on the first leg, the assembled hashers drew a card from the deck. Bikers doing multi-stop rides popularized the theme of poker run. The format was for the hasher to draw a card from a deck, and have it recorded on their cards. Since there’s no bluffing or betting, secrecy was not needed. One deck would suffice since the player didn’t keep the card. This would be repeated at each stop along the way. The person with the best hand, second best hand and worst hand will be awarded prizes at the end of the Hash
The whistle blew and the On-On’s filled the chilled air. The pack in hot pursuit of flour soon found them in front of the Unique Bar & Grill. It was unique because it had the most expensive beers in town. It was also one of the most boring places on Blackwell St. It was also not a designated beer check, so the hashers continued their quest, eventually reuniting with the trail. After a brief foray into the environs of the train station, the trail led right back to the station, specifically, Murphy's Third Rail, as luck would have it, the Friday happy hour lasted until 8PM. As the hashers were enjoying their half priced beers, the guitar guy was strumming along in the corner, singing the Simon & Garfunkel songbook. At precisely 8PM the hash was on-out the door.
The second leg, set by Anal was to the west and south of the station, winding up at The Dart just as the snow was starting to fall. This bar was dark and dreary, more of a Rumson place then leap year place. Never the less, it had two major attractions, One: a beautiful bartender, but more importantly for hashers, cheap beer. Any domestic swill was $1.25 per mug. This price was sufficiently low, and the turnout so meager that one of the hares actually bought a round for the hash. (Grand total: $9). Among all that excitement, the third card was drawn.
Camel gave Sacs a lesson in dart tossing. He even knew how to keep score and add up the results.
The men’s’ room, in such a classy establishment had a unique feature. It had a large fist-sized hole in the door. That must be so that patrons could see if the room was occupied.
GI showed up just as the next leg was to start.
DogE thought he would set a good trail. The trail led up into and around a large cemetery. This caused the pack to get dazed and confused, since by this time the snow was getting heavier and starting to accumulate. The chalk marks on trees and poles was obscured by the blown snow. Soon enough, the pack got the scent and made it in to bar #3. The Laughing Lion, a fancy-smancy brew pub, with 101 choices on the beer list.
Looking at the PubCrawler - Pub/Brewery Review of the joint, an astute observer noticed this section:
Beer Quality Beer Selection Food Service Overall
N/A Great Good Good Good
too much fake foliage jennifer byrne, rockaway, NJ (09/29/1997)
That review was either a false accusation or taken to heart, since in the ensuing decade, the fake foliage was no more.
By now the snowstorm was in full force, with a few inches on the ground. The intrepid hashers, led by Twatever, made their way to the final bar of the evening. The ‘trail’ was an out-of-service train track, which followed the Rockaway River for a block or two. The pack celebrated completion of the arduous trail at bar #4; Murray’s a local hangout with at least two potential hashers.
Finishing off the poker run, the fifth card was drawn.
DogMeat was selected as the RA for the hash. The Circle was called to disarray at about 10:30PM. Much to the other bar patrons, we were denied the use of the unoccupied back room, so they got full effect of our antics.
FRB: Everyone
DFL: Camel, he got lost following white marks, instead of the hare. (There weren’t any trail marks for this section)
Poker: Best hand: Anal with three jacks.
Second best: Twat, who had pairs of queens and kings.
Third best: Sacs, with a pair of kings.
Worst: Massengil, queen high
Not paying attention: Finger In, who only had four cards.
Anal magnanimously refused the top prize, donating it to the bar bill. (Magnanimously was not easy to spell at the fourth bar)
Finger In mentioned that the first part of the trail was vaguely reminiscing of the worst trail ever –the one he set a few years ago. Leading from the train station to the Dart Bar.
Twatever: For her short-lived career of restaurant critic. She used a pseudonym in the above review of the Laughing Lion.
Little Sacs for surviving another year against all odds. His birthday was a day or two earlier.
Announcement: HOLY SHIT hash #3 will be held on February 29, 2012. The location will be announced sometime in the next four years.
Then the QGM was called. Like an AGM, it was the general meeting that is called every four years, but also each and every hash of the HOLY SH!T H3.
Minutes of the Quadrennial General Meeting:
By acclimation, Double Dribble was voted to another term as Grand Master, “Four More Years”. Other offices included the quadrennial hares were also renewed.
Finally, what’s a hash without a little petit larceny? As last one out the door, Dog E stole someone’s sweatshirt and sparkly scarf. His lame excuse that he thought it was one of ours, was did not go over well with the local constabulary.
On Out,
DogE Style,
Scribe HOLY SHIT hash
Saturday, February 23, 2008
# 1135 Anti-Coch does Fossils and Missiles
Run No. 1135
When: 2/16/08 at 2:00 PM
Weather: 35° partly cloudy. Perfect for hashing.
Where: The end of Locust Ave in Roseland, NJ
Hare: New Jersey Ex-Pat Anti-Coch. Or is it AntiCock?
Hashers: Alibi, Anal Lick it All, Breaststroke, Clitty Litter (NR), Comfy Hole, Dancin’ Fool, Dog E Style, Dogmeat, GeneYass, GI, Honey Buns, Just Bruce, Likes to Bang Poles, Little Sacs, Locomorrow, Massengil, Miscast, No Genitals, Orgasmitron, Papoose, Rat Bastard, Seoul Brudda, Sodom Me, SOS, Tub Slut, Twatever (NR),Whomp ‘em, and Yer and Anal Cyst (NR). And: Brady, Icebox, Maggie, and Nikki,
The hare promised: Shiggy, Good Beer, Fossils, Metaphysical conversation and good views, and hopefully a trail most of you haven't used in awhile. He mostly delivered, but many found the metaphysical conversation rather mundane.
URL for this route is: http://www.gmap-pedometer.com/?r=1645204
The turnout was excellent as you can see from the above list. It may have been a tribute to the visiting hare, or maybe nothing else was going on that day.
TRAIL
The hare du jour gave his chawk tawk in elemental Massachusettsian. He explained his New England hash marks, such as a song check and other hybrid marks, nothing too complicated. Left unexplained was why such an early start. While the hare is always given discretion with the start, our usual start time of 3:00PM was abandoned for no apparent reason.
At about 2:20 the pack was off, the hare kept the walkers in the fold until the big pack was away. His shortcutting instructions must have been effective since they apparently made it to the beer checks to greet the eagle runners.
The trail was still mostly frozen with about an inch of snow to camouflage the wet spots.
The hare announced that the second beer check represented the B in his A to B trail, thus giving a down-down free ride to all who wanted.
Dog E Style was typically lost on trail; his initial smartass attempt to be FRB was thwarted by the trail. He zigged right at the ‘song check’ when the pack zagged left. This ill-advised choice left him off the trail and out of sound range for quite a while. He eventually ‘Zenned’ his way to Riker Hill Park, and the awaiting beer truck.
The Three Stooges, Laurel and Hardy, Don Knotts, "Rob" Petrie (Dick van Dyke's character on the The Dick Van Dyke Show), Jack Tripper (John Ritter's character on Three's Company), Kramer (Michael Richards's character on Seinfeld), Chris Farley, and Mr. Bean are all examples of physical comedy characters. …Now add to that list, Little Sacs. He entertained the pack with his continuous pratfall routine. He must have been working on it for quite some time. Picture him falling multiple times within 40 seconds… One review noted, “He never got his footing before falling again and again.” Classic slapstick!
First beer check was in a fossil rich area: Walter Kidde Dinasaur Park. If the pack was expecting Jurassic Park, they weren’t disapointed –Well except that the dinasaurs were long dead, only footprints and fossils were left for us.
Jurassic sidebar:
During the Jurassic, the supercontinent of Pangea continued to break apart. Volcanic activity associated with this rifting produced lava flows that poured out over mudflats and into lakes, producing the resistant rock that forms today's Watchung Mountains. Molten rock intruded into basin sediments producing a sill, the Palisades Sill, and other ridges in Hunterdon and Mercer Counties. Bipedal dinosaurs roamed the basins during the Jurassic, leaving abundant footprints in the sediments layered among the lava flows. The Walter Kidde Dinosaur Park in Essex County boasts thousands of such footprints. Fossils of Semionotus, a fish related to the modern gar, are abundant in Jurassic lakebed sediments.
How can we not mention the really good beer at the fossil pit beer check: Bass Ale, Boddingtons, and Murphy's Irish Stout.
Where Dancing Fool was so zealous that he started collecting Anti-Coch’s can of beer before he had drained it. (How did he escape a down-down for that?)
OK, enough with the metaphysical conversation, back to the hash… A few slips and falls later the hashers were reunited for BC #2. What another BC and another sidebar? Yep, here ya go:
Nike Sidebar:
Riker Hill Park, the site of the “second” beer check was, in it’s former life, part of a Nike missile base. It’s Cold War goal was to shoot down Soviet bombers before they got too far inland. The bases always had two distinct areas; one had the missile silos, the other had the radar guidance unit to aim shots. All this was TOP SECRET in the 50’s and early 60’s.
Nike missile base http://alpha.fdu.edu/~bender/NY79.html
Although the East Hanover Launcher Area was mostly demolished, the Control Area atop Riker Hill in nearby Livingston remains partially intact. Here, a number of the Army's original barracks and other buildings have been adapted to serve as studios for local artists. The parking area has been adapted to accommodate beer checks by the local hasher group.
http://alpha.fdu.edu/~bender/NYsites.html
The hare regaled the troops with his story:
“When in a previous life I was an Infantry Officer in the U.S.Army Reserve, I was conducting some training at Fort Dix and one of the Sergeants working for me had actually been assigned to the Nike Missile Radar Tracking Station on Riker Hill. It's been so long since I had that conversation with him, but I thought it was neat to actually have met someone who had been stationed there”.
After making our way back through the slippery slopes, the group regrouped in the parking area along nearly deserted Locust Ave.
CIRCLE:
Before Rat Bastard, our humble Religious Advisor could get the circle under way; Dog E presented two full cases of leftover Saku beer to anyone and everyone. These were donated by Loco, who was very cagey when asked how he managed to load his car with case after case. Some speculated that he was present at Estonia’s version of the Boston Tea Party.
The circle was convened at about 3:45pm
Anti-Coch was of course summoned to the center to account for himself in the midst of the contented hashers.
Compulsory down-downs:
· FRB: Anal and ____
· DFL: Likes to Bang Hole and Tub Slut
· Non-runners: Only Twatever was there, but she declined the honor.
· Visitors: Likes to Bang Poles (From New Haven, Ct H3 and Sodom Me, originally from Happy Valley, but now in the Suffern, NY area)
· Perennial non-visitor visitors: Tub Slut and Anti-Coch
Then the accusations flew:
Anal accused his fallen brethren of not being on the up and up. He called up anyone who had fallen on trail. It’s probably certain that given his definition of falling: “anyone who put any body part on the ground except their two feet”, everyone should have qualified, but only Alibi, Breaststroke, Little Sacs (more on that later), Massengil and Rat Bastard stepped up to face the down-down. [Ed note: run on sentence, so what!]
Over achievers: Seoul, Breaststroke, Bruce, O, Dogmeat, SOS, chose to forgo the B ending and ran back to the A.
Dog E came to the center with distressing news: He wasn’t looking a gift horse in the mouth; he was holding a gift beer. Under normal circumstances, free beer is one of the best things in the hasher world, but in this case the beer he was holding was a Haz-Mat in a bottle. It was one of the surviving beers that LocoMorrow donated to last weeks hash. It was bad, in a bad way. As previously reported in this space, it had the not-so-subtle bouquet of diesel fuel. Curiously, Loco chose to accept his down-down from one of the already poured cups.
GeneYass was called up for trying to deny her past life as tennis legend, Arthur Ashe’s wife, Jeanne Ashe. Yes it’s a stretch -but what the hell.
Breaststroke not only invented his own trail, but also encouraged several hashers to follow. Papoose, Geney, Loco and Comfy Hole followed the leader, but couldn’t find their way though the decades old security fence and get to the beer.
Hey there’s some irony there... Comfy Hole, couldn’t find a comfortable hole through the fence… (Oh forget it)
Then self-anointed hash historian, TubSlut, called the hare an imposter. It seems that Anti-Cock, was masquerading as Anti-Coch. The hare dismissed that notion with the parenthetical, (Anti-Coch: the name having been derived from doing graduate school at ANTI-OCH.)
Posing as a security guard: Dancin’ Fool was wearing a t-shirt emblazoned with SECURITY on the back.
SOS was called up to be congratulated for procreating. His daughter, Anna Sophia was born a week ago. Joining him in the festive down-down was the baby’s grandfather, Seoul Brudda.
Latecomer: Twatever showed up as the circle was in progress, but never got out to enjoy her (NR) down-down.
Breaststroke revealed that he was ‘featured’ on Norwegian television. The pack could only assume that it was in a porn flick, so in the absence of champagne, he was given a mundane beer down-down.
Dr. O protested that Breaststroke should have been given a Scandinavian beer as his down-down, referring to the Saku Estonian beer. He contended that Estonia was in Scandinavia; this brought the geography nerds to their feet. The Estonians are a Finnic people closely related to the Finns, with the Estonian language sharing many similarities to Finnish. (For the record, Estonia is on the south side of the Gulf Of Fnland, but it is a Baltic state.) Depending on Loco’s suppy chain, this may be the last reference to Saku, Estonian beer.
All dog owners were told to “come”: Anal, Bang, Sacs, and Rat. Dog E was dog free for this hash.
Speaking of dogs, Little Sacs was called up for losing his mutt on trail. He was so intent on keeping up with the pack that he lost contact with Maggie. They were eventually reunited, so Maggie couldn’t maul anyone else.
Miscast, bumbled some beer, spilling a few of the carefully poured cups onto Locust Ave.
For the dreaded technology on trail, Tubby, AC, Rat, Massengil, and Sodom Me, were called forth. Each used some form of battery-operated assistance on trail.
For being spotted holding hands on trail: Honey Buns and Alibi.
Then GeneYass noted that there was cheating going on while on trail. Semi-explanation: Dogmeat let Little Sacs go down on him… and Anal expressed jealousy that he wasn’t involved in the action.
Massengil got wind that two of the hashers in attendance were on line at precisely 2PM, the scheduled hash time. GI and Loco were emailing each other, until one re-checked the www.hashnj.com website and realized that the hash was gathering as they sat warm and dry in front of their respective computers. Both immediately hopped in their cars and made it to the start.
When Likes to Bang Poles, a visitor came forward for her down-down, she opted to do a banana down-down instead. It was more entertaining then that description. Since she did that option several times, there was some concern that she was getting too much potassium. A worry that was needless.
Potassium sidebar:
Food Size Potassium (in milligrams)
Banana 1 medium 560
Baked potato with skin 1 medium 850
So given her intake of 3-4 bananas, she may consumed 1.68 grams of Potassium, which is about a third of her Recommended Daily Allowance, of: 4.7 grams
A potassium-rich diet also blunts the effects of salt on blood pressure, may reduce the risk of developing kidney stones, and possibly decrease bone loss with age. The recommended intake of potassium for adolescents and adults is 4,700 mg/day
Sometime around then Rat Bastard’s hash song repertoire ran its course.
ON-ON
Speaking of nutrition, the hash then went in peace to Zagursky’s in Whippany. The frivolity continued.
SOS took pen in hand and waxed poetic about the challenges and rewards of parenthood.
“The birth of Ana Sophia happened last Saturday! Much advice from the hashers:
This will be the best time raising kids because it’s very simple. All their needs are apparent. –It’s either hunger, being wet or being tired. Later, they are teenagers, so it is harder. The best lesson – keep ‘em away from the hash until they are older.”
-SOS and DOSOS
Other miscellaneous commentary:
It was tu-tu:
Too long,
Too high,
Too dry, not enough ice.
-Seoul Brudda
“My bloodiest ever”
-Just Bruce
“I slipped on the ice five times on trail!”
“Rat Bastard’s dog at someone’s banana peel.”
-Little Sacs
“Lovely ice and really good beer!”
“Don’t remember much about the trail, must have been drinking”
-Whomp ‘em
“What? No cigars, SOS or SB?”
Announcements:
Next Full moon hash will be under the full moon in Mahwah.
Hares: Alibi and HoneyBuns
Trail: Promises to be a flat dry and possible very dark trail with excellent views of the pending lunar eclipse. Hares highly recommend bringing some type of illuminating device.
http://www.maniacworld.com/Feb-20th-Lunar-Eclipse-Timelapse.html
Then the
Hash On Leap Year. Sadie Hawkins Is Today
When: February 29, 2008
Where: Dover (NJ) RR station
Why: It’s a once every four year hash
Hares: Anal Lick It All, DogE Style, Twatever and a mystery 4th hare.
When: 2/16/08 at 2:00 PM
Weather: 35° partly cloudy. Perfect for hashing.
Where: The end of Locust Ave in Roseland, NJ
Hare: New Jersey Ex-Pat Anti-Coch. Or is it AntiCock?
Hashers: Alibi, Anal Lick it All, Breaststroke, Clitty Litter (NR), Comfy Hole, Dancin’ Fool, Dog E Style, Dogmeat, GeneYass, GI, Honey Buns, Just Bruce, Likes to Bang Poles, Little Sacs, Locomorrow, Massengil, Miscast, No Genitals, Orgasmitron, Papoose, Rat Bastard, Seoul Brudda, Sodom Me, SOS, Tub Slut, Twatever (NR),Whomp ‘em, and Yer and Anal Cyst (NR). And: Brady, Icebox, Maggie, and Nikki,
The hare promised: Shiggy, Good Beer, Fossils, Metaphysical conversation and good views, and hopefully a trail most of you haven't used in awhile. He mostly delivered, but many found the metaphysical conversation rather mundane.
URL for this route is: http://www.gmap-pedometer.com/?r=1645204
The turnout was excellent as you can see from the above list. It may have been a tribute to the visiting hare, or maybe nothing else was going on that day.
TRAIL
The hare du jour gave his chawk tawk in elemental Massachusettsian. He explained his New England hash marks, such as a song check and other hybrid marks, nothing too complicated. Left unexplained was why such an early start. While the hare is always given discretion with the start, our usual start time of 3:00PM was abandoned for no apparent reason.
At about 2:20 the pack was off, the hare kept the walkers in the fold until the big pack was away. His shortcutting instructions must have been effective since they apparently made it to the beer checks to greet the eagle runners.
The trail was still mostly frozen with about an inch of snow to camouflage the wet spots.
The hare announced that the second beer check represented the B in his A to B trail, thus giving a down-down free ride to all who wanted.
Dog E Style was typically lost on trail; his initial smartass attempt to be FRB was thwarted by the trail. He zigged right at the ‘song check’ when the pack zagged left. This ill-advised choice left him off the trail and out of sound range for quite a while. He eventually ‘Zenned’ his way to Riker Hill Park, and the awaiting beer truck.
The Three Stooges, Laurel and Hardy, Don Knotts, "Rob" Petrie (Dick van Dyke's character on the The Dick Van Dyke Show), Jack Tripper (John Ritter's character on Three's Company), Kramer (Michael Richards's character on Seinfeld), Chris Farley, and Mr. Bean are all examples of physical comedy characters. …Now add to that list, Little Sacs. He entertained the pack with his continuous pratfall routine. He must have been working on it for quite some time. Picture him falling multiple times within 40 seconds… One review noted, “He never got his footing before falling again and again.” Classic slapstick!
First beer check was in a fossil rich area: Walter Kidde Dinasaur Park. If the pack was expecting Jurassic Park, they weren’t disapointed –Well except that the dinasaurs were long dead, only footprints and fossils were left for us.
Jurassic sidebar:
During the Jurassic, the supercontinent of Pangea continued to break apart. Volcanic activity associated with this rifting produced lava flows that poured out over mudflats and into lakes, producing the resistant rock that forms today's Watchung Mountains. Molten rock intruded into basin sediments producing a sill, the Palisades Sill, and other ridges in Hunterdon and Mercer Counties. Bipedal dinosaurs roamed the basins during the Jurassic, leaving abundant footprints in the sediments layered among the lava flows. The Walter Kidde Dinosaur Park in Essex County boasts thousands of such footprints. Fossils of Semionotus, a fish related to the modern gar, are abundant in Jurassic lakebed sediments.
How can we not mention the really good beer at the fossil pit beer check: Bass Ale, Boddingtons, and Murphy's Irish Stout.
Where Dancing Fool was so zealous that he started collecting Anti-Coch’s can of beer before he had drained it. (How did he escape a down-down for that?)
OK, enough with the metaphysical conversation, back to the hash… A few slips and falls later the hashers were reunited for BC #2. What another BC and another sidebar? Yep, here ya go:
Nike Sidebar:
Riker Hill Park, the site of the “second” beer check was, in it’s former life, part of a Nike missile base. It’s Cold War goal was to shoot down Soviet bombers before they got too far inland. The bases always had two distinct areas; one had the missile silos, the other had the radar guidance unit to aim shots. All this was TOP SECRET in the 50’s and early 60’s.
Nike missile base http://alpha.fdu.edu/~bender/NY79.html
Although the East Hanover Launcher Area was mostly demolished, the Control Area atop Riker Hill in nearby Livingston remains partially intact. Here, a number of the Army's original barracks and other buildings have been adapted to serve as studios for local artists. The parking area has been adapted to accommodate beer checks by the local hasher group.
http://alpha.fdu.edu/~bender/NYsites.html
The hare regaled the troops with his story:
“When in a previous life I was an Infantry Officer in the U.S.Army Reserve, I was conducting some training at Fort Dix and one of the Sergeants working for me had actually been assigned to the Nike Missile Radar Tracking Station on Riker Hill. It's been so long since I had that conversation with him, but I thought it was neat to actually have met someone who had been stationed there”.
After making our way back through the slippery slopes, the group regrouped in the parking area along nearly deserted Locust Ave.
CIRCLE:
Before Rat Bastard, our humble Religious Advisor could get the circle under way; Dog E presented two full cases of leftover Saku beer to anyone and everyone. These were donated by Loco, who was very cagey when asked how he managed to load his car with case after case. Some speculated that he was present at Estonia’s version of the Boston Tea Party.
The circle was convened at about 3:45pm
Anti-Coch was of course summoned to the center to account for himself in the midst of the contented hashers.
Compulsory down-downs:
· FRB: Anal and ____
· DFL: Likes to Bang Hole and Tub Slut
· Non-runners: Only Twatever was there, but she declined the honor.
· Visitors: Likes to Bang Poles (From New Haven, Ct H3 and Sodom Me, originally from Happy Valley, but now in the Suffern, NY area)
· Perennial non-visitor visitors: Tub Slut and Anti-Coch
Then the accusations flew:
Anal accused his fallen brethren of not being on the up and up. He called up anyone who had fallen on trail. It’s probably certain that given his definition of falling: “anyone who put any body part on the ground except their two feet”, everyone should have qualified, but only Alibi, Breaststroke, Little Sacs (more on that later), Massengil and Rat Bastard stepped up to face the down-down. [Ed note: run on sentence, so what!]
Over achievers: Seoul, Breaststroke, Bruce, O, Dogmeat, SOS, chose to forgo the B ending and ran back to the A.
Dog E came to the center with distressing news: He wasn’t looking a gift horse in the mouth; he was holding a gift beer. Under normal circumstances, free beer is one of the best things in the hasher world, but in this case the beer he was holding was a Haz-Mat in a bottle. It was one of the surviving beers that LocoMorrow donated to last weeks hash. It was bad, in a bad way. As previously reported in this space, it had the not-so-subtle bouquet of diesel fuel. Curiously, Loco chose to accept his down-down from one of the already poured cups.
GeneYass was called up for trying to deny her past life as tennis legend, Arthur Ashe’s wife, Jeanne Ashe. Yes it’s a stretch -but what the hell.
Breaststroke not only invented his own trail, but also encouraged several hashers to follow. Papoose, Geney, Loco and Comfy Hole followed the leader, but couldn’t find their way though the decades old security fence and get to the beer.
Hey there’s some irony there... Comfy Hole, couldn’t find a comfortable hole through the fence… (Oh forget it)
Then self-anointed hash historian, TubSlut, called the hare an imposter. It seems that Anti-Cock, was masquerading as Anti-Coch. The hare dismissed that notion with the parenthetical, (Anti-Coch: the name having been derived from doing graduate school at ANTI-OCH.)
Posing as a security guard: Dancin’ Fool was wearing a t-shirt emblazoned with SECURITY on the back.
SOS was called up to be congratulated for procreating. His daughter, Anna Sophia was born a week ago. Joining him in the festive down-down was the baby’s grandfather, Seoul Brudda.
Latecomer: Twatever showed up as the circle was in progress, but never got out to enjoy her (NR) down-down.
Breaststroke revealed that he was ‘featured’ on Norwegian television. The pack could only assume that it was in a porn flick, so in the absence of champagne, he was given a mundane beer down-down.
Dr. O protested that Breaststroke should have been given a Scandinavian beer as his down-down, referring to the Saku Estonian beer. He contended that Estonia was in Scandinavia; this brought the geography nerds to their feet. The Estonians are a Finnic people closely related to the Finns, with the Estonian language sharing many similarities to Finnish. (For the record, Estonia is on the south side of the Gulf Of Fnland, but it is a Baltic state.) Depending on Loco’s suppy chain, this may be the last reference to Saku, Estonian beer.
All dog owners were told to “come”: Anal, Bang, Sacs, and Rat. Dog E was dog free for this hash.
Speaking of dogs, Little Sacs was called up for losing his mutt on trail. He was so intent on keeping up with the pack that he lost contact with Maggie. They were eventually reunited, so Maggie couldn’t maul anyone else.
Miscast, bumbled some beer, spilling a few of the carefully poured cups onto Locust Ave.
For the dreaded technology on trail, Tubby, AC, Rat, Massengil, and Sodom Me, were called forth. Each used some form of battery-operated assistance on trail.
For being spotted holding hands on trail: Honey Buns and Alibi.
Then GeneYass noted that there was cheating going on while on trail. Semi-explanation: Dogmeat let Little Sacs go down on him… and Anal expressed jealousy that he wasn’t involved in the action.
Massengil got wind that two of the hashers in attendance were on line at precisely 2PM, the scheduled hash time. GI and Loco were emailing each other, until one re-checked the www.hashnj.com website and realized that the hash was gathering as they sat warm and dry in front of their respective computers. Both immediately hopped in their cars and made it to the start.
When Likes to Bang Poles, a visitor came forward for her down-down, she opted to do a banana down-down instead. It was more entertaining then that description. Since she did that option several times, there was some concern that she was getting too much potassium. A worry that was needless.
Potassium sidebar:
Food Size Potassium (in milligrams)
Banana 1 medium 560
Baked potato with skin 1 medium 850
So given her intake of 3-4 bananas, she may consumed 1.68 grams of Potassium, which is about a third of her Recommended Daily Allowance, of: 4.7 grams
A potassium-rich diet also blunts the effects of salt on blood pressure, may reduce the risk of developing kidney stones, and possibly decrease bone loss with age. The recommended intake of potassium for adolescents and adults is 4,700 mg/day
Sometime around then Rat Bastard’s hash song repertoire ran its course.
ON-ON
Speaking of nutrition, the hash then went in peace to Zagursky’s in Whippany. The frivolity continued.
SOS took pen in hand and waxed poetic about the challenges and rewards of parenthood.
“The birth of Ana Sophia happened last Saturday! Much advice from the hashers:
This will be the best time raising kids because it’s very simple. All their needs are apparent. –It’s either hunger, being wet or being tired. Later, they are teenagers, so it is harder. The best lesson – keep ‘em away from the hash until they are older.”
-SOS and DOSOS
Other miscellaneous commentary:
It was tu-tu:
Too long,
Too high,
Too dry, not enough ice.
-Seoul Brudda
“My bloodiest ever”
-Just Bruce
“I slipped on the ice five times on trail!”
“Rat Bastard’s dog at someone’s banana peel.”
-Little Sacs
“Lovely ice and really good beer!”
“Don’t remember much about the trail, must have been drinking”
-Whomp ‘em
“What? No cigars, SOS or SB?”
Announcements:
Next Full moon hash will be under the full moon in Mahwah.
Hares: Alibi and HoneyBuns
Trail: Promises to be a flat dry and possible very dark trail with excellent views of the pending lunar eclipse. Hares highly recommend bringing some type of illuminating device.
http://www.maniacworld.com/Feb-20th-Lunar-Eclipse-Timelapse.html
Then the
Hash On Leap Year. Sadie Hawkins Is Today
When: February 29, 2008
Where: Dover (NJ) RR station
Why: It’s a once every four year hash
Hares: Anal Lick It All, DogE Style, Twatever and a mystery 4th hare.
Friday, February 15, 2008
1134 Feb 9, 2008 Dog Ass hash
The Next Summit Hash House Harrier Run:
6th HHH Anniversary of
Dog E Style and Anal Lick it All
After completing hash assignments in Texas, Mexico and Pennsylvania, your usual hash scribe is back at the inkwell ready to offer the following hash trash.
Hash # 1134
When: February 9th, 2008 at 3 pm (ish)
Where: Towaco Train Station
Weather: Fantastic (40° under overcast skies) –Perfect for hashing
Hares Dog E Style and Anal
Hashers: (13) Clitty Litter, Finger In, GI, Great Sex, Just Matt, Keyhole, Lil Sacs, Miscast, Orgasmitron, Rat Bastard, Suck ‘em Up, Twatever, and Yer an Anal Cyst, (plus the McNulty 4) and Brady, Nikki and Maggie.
Excused absences: Dogmeat, Wrangler and Breaststroke.
Also excused: Seoul Brudda who was being upgraded to grandpa, and SOS who was trying to keep from hitting the floor as his baby was getting born.
Trail
For an estimation of the trail, click this: http://www.mapmyrun.com/run/united-states/nj/towaco/173400081
The pack was splintered early and often. A short introductory circle-jerk up was supposed to serve as a warm up, but seemed to confuse the pack from the get-go.
Total eagle distance: 6.46 miles with an elevation gain of 167 feet. (Both seemed more given the conditions)
As the hashers proceeded, they encountered a swampy ATV trail, which was alternately soft and mushy. With each footfall came a gamble. Would the foot stay above the spongy surface or sink ankle deep into the muck? It was immaterial, since wet shoes were inevitable on the first leg of the hash. If the temperature were 10 degrees colder the thin ice layer would have been thick enough to skate across, 10 degrees warmer and it would have been a shoe sucking bog.
The first BC was behind a shuttered office-type building. The pack got to this one after the foray into the muck and mire, a little more than a mile into it.
There was a mysterious feature of that location that, a mystery – until now… In the never-ending research that goes into these write-ups the scribe has solved a mystery. While standing in the back of the building strange petroleum like aroma wafted through the area. The source of the smell remained elusive, it came and went, until the pack headed back onto the trail. Now the reason that the mystery is solved is that the scribe poured himself a pint glass of Samuel Smith’s India Ale. It had a strange, rather unpleasant diesel flavor. Nothing a couple of Saku’s can’t cure.
Perhaps Defreni (290), of Frederiksberg, Denmark summed it up best at the ratebeer.com site:
Flaske. Helt klart en attraktiv øl i betragtning af at jeg fik den kun 2 månedr inden best before. STadig frisk med humle og yderst drikbar, det er bare ikke min type øl.
OK, away from the odor, and across the street. From there it was up to the train tracks for a hop to the other side of RT 287.
GI was feeling the remnants of a recent flu-like illness and was unable to carry on. He made it to the first BC, but could hash no longer.
The two beer checks –the first about a mile and a half into it then a second well earned BC after mile five.
The second BC was at an abandoned and boarded up house at the top of a hill. From certain angles, it was reminiscent of Norman Bates’ house in Psycho. A few hashers were brave enough to test the doors, but to our knowledge no one entered the structure.
From the second BC it was an easy downhill lope to the train tracks and back to the station.
Circle
In keeping with the healthy lifestyle promulgated by the hash [HASHING IS GOOD FOR YOU] there were no chips, Cheese Doodles, or trans-fat laden snacks of any kind. (Also because the hares forgot to pick them up).
On his way out the door, Just Matt was introduced to the crowd. He’s now completed his second hash, his first being GI’s hash two weeks ago. He lives in Livingston, and is apparently married. He must be because he told his wife, ‘I’ll only be gone for about an hours’. That hour was more like two, not counting hanging around the parking lot for 20 minutes awaiting the rest of the hash.
Rat Bastard promised a short circle The circle was initiated in the train station parking lot, right in ‘downtown’ Towaco. The circle was circled at 5:15PM.
Saku beer. The beer that’s also a number puzzle …Each Sudoku has a unique solution that can be reached logically without guessing. Enter digits from 1 to 9 into the blank spaces. Every row must contain one of each digit. So must every column, as must every 3x3 square… No wait, that’s something else…That’s Sudoku … my mistake. Saku is an Estonian beer. Locomorrow donated five cases to the hares. Try as they might, the hare left with three full cases. At the next hash, no one leaves until the beer is gone. Not necessarily consumed, just taken away. (Ed note: it’s not bad stuff – Really)
Here’s some of the more memorable –or at least written down— accusations.
· Dog E for having an unexplained foot print on his new Terra Porcus Lux hash shirt.
· For those that missed the BC: GI, Sacs, Miscast, Suck ‘em Up
· Auto hasher: Clitty Litter.
· Rat Bastard, who didn’t believe that the strands of toilet paper on trees were in actuality hash marks. He may have been unaware of the local flora and fauna. The accusation was that he thought the toilet paper grew on trees.
· Dog E was chided for missing Summit hashes. The lame excuse of being at the El Paso Tex-Mex, and the Groundhog Day TPL hash was not regarded as a good excuse.
· Speaking of missing hashes… Great Sex was called up for missing the Haggis Hash. She was ill, but not too sick to compose a lovely speech, which was delivered with great panache by Yer An Anal Cyst. (YAAC for short)
· Electronic engineers: Rat and YAAC looted the second beer check of valuable chattel
· Keyhole was in a rare diplomatic mood. He called forth Suck ‘em Up and Finger In, who got into a scrap at the first BC. It had to do with some Dogshit disposal disposition.
· Anal sez: Finger In had to help Brady over a fence.
o Dr. O was astute to point out that Finger In also wore his hat in while doing the down-down.
· Dr O accused the RA of not being short. (with the circle that is)
· In a deft turntable switcheroo, Rat got O in some kind of procedural trap, forcing the accusatory one to be accused. Thus Rat gave O a down-down.
o Hoist by his own petard… Dr O was observed wearing his head gear in the circle while doing the DD.
· Then apropos of nothing, b decided to give a speech. The gist of his speech directed at Little Sacs was that Anal would henceforth refer to Little Sacs as “Deranged”. He was quick to add that this was not a re-noming, just that the GM would alter his form of address to Sacs.
Then it happened… The short circle was concluded at 5:45. Just breaking the 30-minute barrier. And it should be mentioned that it was Dogmeat free.
On-On
The hare’s reprised their last year’s on-in. Bringing the crowd to the Boonton Ave Grille, known locally as the BAG. The few but hearty hashers made it to the BAM. Burger, beer and the like was consumed by all. Hash cash was $20.
On-out,
DogE Style
Scribe, SHHH
DES/mmi
6th HHH Anniversary of
Dog E Style and Anal Lick it All
After completing hash assignments in Texas, Mexico and Pennsylvania, your usual hash scribe is back at the inkwell ready to offer the following hash trash.
Hash # 1134
When: February 9th, 2008 at 3 pm (ish)
Where: Towaco Train Station
Weather: Fantastic (40° under overcast skies) –Perfect for hashing
Hares Dog E Style and Anal
Hashers: (13) Clitty Litter, Finger In, GI, Great Sex, Just Matt, Keyhole, Lil Sacs, Miscast, Orgasmitron, Rat Bastard, Suck ‘em Up, Twatever, and Yer an Anal Cyst, (plus the McNulty 4) and Brady, Nikki and Maggie.
Excused absences: Dogmeat, Wrangler and Breaststroke.
Also excused: Seoul Brudda who was being upgraded to grandpa, and SOS who was trying to keep from hitting the floor as his baby was getting born.
Trail
For an estimation of the trail, click this: http://www.mapmyrun.com/run/united-states/nj/towaco/173400081
The pack was splintered early and often. A short introductory circle-jerk up was supposed to serve as a warm up, but seemed to confuse the pack from the get-go.
Total eagle distance: 6.46 miles with an elevation gain of 167 feet. (Both seemed more given the conditions)
As the hashers proceeded, they encountered a swampy ATV trail, which was alternately soft and mushy. With each footfall came a gamble. Would the foot stay above the spongy surface or sink ankle deep into the muck? It was immaterial, since wet shoes were inevitable on the first leg of the hash. If the temperature were 10 degrees colder the thin ice layer would have been thick enough to skate across, 10 degrees warmer and it would have been a shoe sucking bog.
The first BC was behind a shuttered office-type building. The pack got to this one after the foray into the muck and mire, a little more than a mile into it.
There was a mysterious feature of that location that, a mystery – until now… In the never-ending research that goes into these write-ups the scribe has solved a mystery. While standing in the back of the building strange petroleum like aroma wafted through the area. The source of the smell remained elusive, it came and went, until the pack headed back onto the trail. Now the reason that the mystery is solved is that the scribe poured himself a pint glass of Samuel Smith’s India Ale. It had a strange, rather unpleasant diesel flavor. Nothing a couple of Saku’s can’t cure.
Perhaps Defreni (290), of Frederiksberg, Denmark summed it up best at the ratebeer.com site:
Flaske. Helt klart en attraktiv øl i betragtning af at jeg fik den kun 2 månedr inden best before. STadig frisk med humle og yderst drikbar, det er bare ikke min type øl.
OK, away from the odor, and across the street. From there it was up to the train tracks for a hop to the other side of RT 287.
GI was feeling the remnants of a recent flu-like illness and was unable to carry on. He made it to the first BC, but could hash no longer.
The two beer checks –the first about a mile and a half into it then a second well earned BC after mile five.
The second BC was at an abandoned and boarded up house at the top of a hill. From certain angles, it was reminiscent of Norman Bates’ house in Psycho. A few hashers were brave enough to test the doors, but to our knowledge no one entered the structure.
From the second BC it was an easy downhill lope to the train tracks and back to the station.
Circle
In keeping with the healthy lifestyle promulgated by the hash [HASHING IS GOOD FOR YOU] there were no chips, Cheese Doodles, or trans-fat laden snacks of any kind. (Also because the hares forgot to pick them up).
On his way out the door, Just Matt was introduced to the crowd. He’s now completed his second hash, his first being GI’s hash two weeks ago. He lives in Livingston, and is apparently married. He must be because he told his wife, ‘I’ll only be gone for about an hours’. That hour was more like two, not counting hanging around the parking lot for 20 minutes awaiting the rest of the hash.
Rat Bastard promised a short circle The circle was initiated in the train station parking lot, right in ‘downtown’ Towaco. The circle was circled at 5:15PM.
Saku beer. The beer that’s also a number puzzle …Each Sudoku has a unique solution that can be reached logically without guessing. Enter digits from 1 to 9 into the blank spaces. Every row must contain one of each digit. So must every column, as must every 3x3 square… No wait, that’s something else…That’s Sudoku … my mistake. Saku is an Estonian beer. Locomorrow donated five cases to the hares. Try as they might, the hare left with three full cases. At the next hash, no one leaves until the beer is gone. Not necessarily consumed, just taken away. (Ed note: it’s not bad stuff – Really)
Here’s some of the more memorable –or at least written down— accusations.
· Dog E for having an unexplained foot print on his new Terra Porcus Lux hash shirt.
· For those that missed the BC: GI, Sacs, Miscast, Suck ‘em Up
· Auto hasher: Clitty Litter.
· Rat Bastard, who didn’t believe that the strands of toilet paper on trees were in actuality hash marks. He may have been unaware of the local flora and fauna. The accusation was that he thought the toilet paper grew on trees.
· Dog E was chided for missing Summit hashes. The lame excuse of being at the El Paso Tex-Mex, and the Groundhog Day TPL hash was not regarded as a good excuse.
· Speaking of missing hashes… Great Sex was called up for missing the Haggis Hash. She was ill, but not too sick to compose a lovely speech, which was delivered with great panache by Yer An Anal Cyst. (YAAC for short)
· Electronic engineers: Rat and YAAC looted the second beer check of valuable chattel
· Keyhole was in a rare diplomatic mood. He called forth Suck ‘em Up and Finger In, who got into a scrap at the first BC. It had to do with some Dogshit disposal disposition.
· Anal sez: Finger In had to help Brady over a fence.
o Dr. O was astute to point out that Finger In also wore his hat in while doing the down-down.
· Dr O accused the RA of not being short. (with the circle that is)
· In a deft turntable switcheroo, Rat got O in some kind of procedural trap, forcing the accusatory one to be accused. Thus Rat gave O a down-down.
o Hoist by his own petard… Dr O was observed wearing his head gear in the circle while doing the DD.
· Then apropos of nothing, b decided to give a speech. The gist of his speech directed at Little Sacs was that Anal would henceforth refer to Little Sacs as “Deranged”. He was quick to add that this was not a re-noming, just that the GM would alter his form of address to Sacs.
Then it happened… The short circle was concluded at 5:45. Just breaking the 30-minute barrier. And it should be mentioned that it was Dogmeat free.
On-On
The hare’s reprised their last year’s on-in. Bringing the crowd to the Boonton Ave Grille, known locally as the BAG. The few but hearty hashers made it to the BAM. Burger, beer and the like was consumed by all. Hash cash was $20.
On-out,
DogE Style
Scribe, SHHH
DES/mmi
Groundhog day Scandal continues...
The cover-up and stonewalling continues…
I just received a most unsatisfying e-mail from Michele Neal, the “Groundhog Day Events Coordinator”. A call to her phone number yielded this organization:
Pa Great Outdoors.com. During the rest of the year, Neal shills for the Punxsutawney Area Chamber of Commerce.
The questions continue:
· Why didn’t some 30,000 people, many of whom were sober, see their shadow?
· Was the only sunlight in Western Pa. shining at Phil like a laser beam?
· Did the skiing and/or road plowing industry buy off Phil?
· Will this additional winter weather have a positive effect on global warming?
· Why can’t the Punx Chamber afford a grammar checker for their responses?
· Why can’t I get a reply from Rep. John Peterson (R-PA) “Proudly Representing the 5th District of Pennsylvania”?
Here’s the official response:
Mr. Style,
According to our records Phil actually made his prediction at 7:28 am so the sun had risen and even though it may have been slightly overcast he apparently say a beam of sunlight that cast a shadow upon him. Who are we to be doubters when it seems that his prediction is an accurate one.
Michele Neal
Groundhog Day Events Coordinator
(814)938-7700, ext. 3
The initial inquiry:
-----Original Message-----
From: http daemon [mailto:dogE_Style@comcast.net]
Sent: Wednesday, February 13, 2008 5:24 PM
To: events@punxsutawney.com
Subject: Groundhog.org Inquiry
Although the skies were obviously overcast, Punxsutawney Phil didn't seem to notice. President B Cooper announced that the rodent had seen his shadow.
There wasn't a shadow within 100 miles. There was no groundhog shadow for two compelling reasons:
1. The skies were overcast, with snow in the air.
2. More importantly, the sun hadn't even come up yet.
a. The official reached in and grabbed the world-famous rodent at precisely 7:25AM, a full minute before the sunrise (according to the USNO, Sunrise was at 7:26 a.m.)
b. Don't think that I made an error looking at my watch. I keep very accurate time.
Those facts notwithstanding, the media spread this false truth throughout the world.
I'm calling for a congressional investigation into this scandal. If a fine citizen like Roger Clemens has to undergo the scrutiny of a congressional sub-committee, then the 'Inner Circle' should also be brought to bear.
The 'Main Stream Media' was well represented at Gobbler’s Knob. The TV and print reporters improperly spread the word, and reported it without a shred of research, fact checking or skepticism. The only slightly skeptical media outlet was from Pittsburgh's Channel 11, which reported, "Despite low clouds, fog and freezing Drizzle the nation's first prognosticating groundhog saw his shadow."
Please don't tell me that the television lights confused the groundhog. If that were the case, every prediction would be a prolonged winter. I'm sure a media savvy rodent like Phil would not be so distracted that he misinterpreted those lights for sunshine.
I would like an official response before I call for a congressional review.
Sincerely,
Mr. D. E. Style
Summit NJ, 07901
I just received a most unsatisfying e-mail from Michele Neal, the “Groundhog Day Events Coordinator”. A call to her phone number yielded this organization:
Pa Great Outdoors.com. During the rest of the year, Neal shills for the Punxsutawney Area Chamber of Commerce.
The questions continue:
· Why didn’t some 30,000 people, many of whom were sober, see their shadow?
· Was the only sunlight in Western Pa. shining at Phil like a laser beam?
· Did the skiing and/or road plowing industry buy off Phil?
· Will this additional winter weather have a positive effect on global warming?
· Why can’t the Punx Chamber afford a grammar checker for their responses?
· Why can’t I get a reply from Rep. John Peterson (R-PA) “Proudly Representing the 5th District of Pennsylvania”?
Here’s the official response:
Mr. Style,
According to our records Phil actually made his prediction at 7:28 am so the sun had risen and even though it may have been slightly overcast he apparently say a beam of sunlight that cast a shadow upon him. Who are we to be doubters when it seems that his prediction is an accurate one.
Michele Neal
Groundhog Day Events Coordinator
(814)938-7700, ext. 3
The initial inquiry:
-----Original Message-----
From: http daemon [mailto:dogE_Style@comcast.net]
Sent: Wednesday, February 13, 2008 5:24 PM
To: events@punxsutawney.com
Subject: Groundhog.org Inquiry
Although the skies were obviously overcast, Punxsutawney Phil didn't seem to notice. President B Cooper announced that the rodent had seen his shadow.
There wasn't a shadow within 100 miles. There was no groundhog shadow for two compelling reasons:
1. The skies were overcast, with snow in the air.
2. More importantly, the sun hadn't even come up yet.
a. The official reached in and grabbed the world-famous rodent at precisely 7:25AM, a full minute before the sunrise (according to the USNO, Sunrise was at 7:26 a.m.)
b. Don't think that I made an error looking at my watch. I keep very accurate time.
Those facts notwithstanding, the media spread this false truth throughout the world.
I'm calling for a congressional investigation into this scandal. If a fine citizen like Roger Clemens has to undergo the scrutiny of a congressional sub-committee, then the 'Inner Circle' should also be brought to bear.
The 'Main Stream Media' was well represented at Gobbler’s Knob. The TV and print reporters improperly spread the word, and reported it without a shred of research, fact checking or skepticism. The only slightly skeptical media outlet was from Pittsburgh's Channel 11, which reported, "Despite low clouds, fog and freezing Drizzle the nation's first prognosticating groundhog saw his shadow."
Please don't tell me that the television lights confused the groundhog. If that were the case, every prediction would be a prolonged winter. I'm sure a media savvy rodent like Phil would not be so distracted that he misinterpreted those lights for sunshine.
I would like an official response before I call for a congressional review.
Sincerely,
Mr. D. E. Style
Summit NJ, 07901
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Groundhog Day in Punxsutawney Pa
The Legion of Dumb gets more members.
Question of the week:
Is it dumb to travel 6 hours in the middle of the winter to do a hash and then see a rodent?
It’s hard to refute. However, now that it’s over, even though it was pretty god-damned dumb, it was well worth it. To travel that distance and endure the sleep deprivation necessary to enjoy the antics was thrilling. To go to Punxatawney, and participate in a well-known slice of Americana was memorable (Now… if I could only remember…). To get bragging rights that I attended the actual Groundhog Day event: PRICELESS. (Cross that off the ‘Bucket List’!)
Dog E's Photos (that reminds me, I gotta get a new camera!)
http://www.kodakgallery.com/ShareLandingSignin.jsp?Uc=8vsl89vv.brvprmrr&Uy=-wmdsxf&Upost_signin=Slideshow.jsp%3Fmode%3Dfromshare&Ux=0
Hit the View Slideshow then the Play Button.
TRAVEL
Simple enough directions: Summit to Harrisburg (really Enola): 151 miles, a tad more than 2 ½ hrs. That part seemed simple enough. The directions just had 4 lines: Rt 78 turns into 81S. Exit 65, south 1.9 miles look for Toms service station. The trip west took about that amount of time, but the drive was done with the windshield wipers going the entire way, sometimes on intermittent, but on the whole time.
When I got to the designated Tom’s station, I was alone (Enola spelled backwards) for about an hour, until the other hashers started showing up. I was heartened by the presence of a hasher’s car in the lot; it turned out, it was left by someone who had left for Punx earlier in the day. About 5PM the cast was assembled. Through the miracle of cellular technology, we knew of BushRat’s adventures with the rental company. With the addition of one late-cummer, we were off by 6PM. We then loaded the van with warm clothes and hot hashers for the second leg:
I was with 10 of my closest friends. That’s not to say I liked them, it’s just that we were squeezed into the 15(!?) passenger van for the three and a half hour -166 mile ride to the “camp”. If memory serves, the van was populated by these hashers: Chapped Lips, COGO, Da Piss Mode, Dog E Style, Dude -Where’s My Mullet, Eager Beaver, Kodick Moment, Lunachic, Quarter Stick, and Sticky Buns.
The trip was good-natured, and well lubricated with intoxicating beverages. We were all in good spirits in eager anticipation of what was to come. Of the 10, only 3 were TPL veterans. The cell phones were getting a workout trying to include dozens of other hashers in our frivolity. (TubSlut and Deathwith were among those contacted) We spent some time singing dumb hash songs, sometimes discussing our favorite episodes of the Dukes of Hazzard, we also made contact with the Nittany Valley bus coming from State College. Wise-assed, Just Matt called to lie that their bus was broken down en-route to Punxatawney. BushRat, our designated driver/tour guide, endured our antics while navigating the icy roads of western Pennsylvania.
Duck Island
We arrived at ‘Duck Island sometime around 8:30PM. The anticipation of Duck Island didn’t live up to its reality. What it really was was someone named Kathy’s house and backyard. The island part comes in because a portion of the yard was separated from the rest by a pair of footbridges, which crossed icy-snowy streamlets. The owners, Kathy and her husband aren’t hashers, but were very tolerant of hash behavior. It was a suitable staging area to keep some 60 hashers happy through the long night.
The perfunctory registration process was completed on board the bus, and everyone was outfitted with a powder blue hoody sweatshirt with an embroidered TPL logo patch on the left breast. The giveaway was a bit lame considering this is the ‘last one ever’. The choice of light blue was inspired, making them stand out in a crowd, such as the one we would join by dawn’s early light.
The hashers gathered and ate tons of hot dogs and burgers until midnight when they were summoned to the bus for the hash. Before joining the bus passengers, the hashers took the opportunity to change into their hash clothes. Some hashers were wearing layer upon layer, making them the size of linebackers. The bus was filled and driven to Gobblers Knob. So far, so good…
Trail
Hares: Tu-Tu Fairy, Pork Screw and Bush Rat. (I think there was a fourth, but the brain cells that were used to store that information were lost that night). Weather: 29° under cloudy skies –Perfect for hashing.
As the pack left the comfort of the bus, surly cops met them and immediately started giving attitude. After a photo-op in front of ‘Phil’s sign’ the hares took off with the confidence the pack would follow after ten minutes. However, the cop’s surliness increased to the point of obnoxiousness. (They were guarding a sign at midnight. How much easier duty could you get?) The hare’s were away and after the attitude from the cops, the pack was off in hot pursuit. The 10 minute head start turned into two or three. It wasn’t immediately apparent, but only half the bus got off to do the trail the others were carted off to town to await the pack.
Trail included some snowy fields, but was mostly on icy roads. In many spots each step was so treacherous that hashers were taking baby steps, making the pack look more like the March of the Penguins, than a running event.
There was shortcutting galore, the pack was together for short intervals, coming together then spreading out like a Busby Berkeley production number. Certain savvy short-cutters including Dog E and QuarterStick ran into the hares as they winded their way through the downtown area. Eventually the pack was reunited with the bus-hashers and sent carted back to the ‘island’. To the disappointment of some, the town didn’t look like it did in the Bill Murray movie. As it turns out, the flick was filmed in Woodstock, Illinois.
The trail may (or may not) have looked something like TPL hash map(?).
Upon return to the staging area, the bonfire was smoldering at first but with the help of Da Piss Mode’s dragon breath, and Quarterstick’s combustible contributions, it was raging soon enough.
Circle
Eventually everyone was rounded up and made their way back to our Duck Island. Pork Screw did an admirable job of keeping thing running; he first invited the trio from Portland Oregon to join him for a down-down. Then the usual stuff of visitors, locals FRBs, DFL’s, first timer TPL’s, you know, that kind of stuff.
The most entertaining moment was when the RA grabbed the opportunity and his dick. He slinked to a dark spot on the outside of the circle for a well-deserved pee. Just at that moment, Matt from H5 had a similar idea, with the two in the same place at the same time. Matt walked into the fire-hose like stream. This was much to Matt’s chagrin, but the amusement of everyone else.
This circle is not the reason for the gathering. That wouldn’t come for another 5 hours. After the circle did an abridged rendition of Swing Low, the hash stayed for several more hours of carousing and drinking.
A careful look at the time revealed that the 5 o’clock hour was approaching and it was time to get ready for the rat.
The entertainment for the next few hours was watching not-so- normal NORM, in his endless pursuit of his beer.
“Where’s my F’n 30-pack of Budweiser cans?”
He got some sympathy but the overriding emotion was “What an asshole!” “Who leave a case of beer next to hashers, and expects it to be there 4 hours later?”
The Mis-Management did an exemplary job of buying the perfect amount of beer for the night. The beer ran out at 5:01am, precisely timed to coincide with the departure of the bus for the Knob. The lack of beer played a role on the way back from the Knob, but that’s another story.
GOBLERS KNOB
Arriving at the Knob is like walking into a slice of Americana. The crowd was estimated to be 30-40,000 chilly souls. The Punxatawneyians did their level best to entertain the masses before the big reveal.
Along with singing and dancing they held a bogus version of The Newlywed Game. Shortly after the winners were announced, the second-place couple came forward and got engaged right there. Amazingly, no one except me thought that odd. Not to be outdone, two other wankers also took a knee in front of the chilly congregation. So for those scoring at home, (way to go!), that’s three newly engaged couples at the stump.
After this lovey-dovey stuff the skies lit up with fireworks. I exaggerate. The firework extravaganza was less then QuarterStick goes through every evening before bed. There was some speculation that the noisy boom-booms would awaken the rodent-of-honor prematurely. Those worries proved to be unwarranted; Phil wasn’t aroused until he was handled (sound familiar?).
So that brings us to another point of contention… The hash is known as TERRA PORCUS LUX -(TPL for short, in case you were wondering about all those TPL’s above). What the hell is Terra Porcus? What it isn’t is the scientific name of the groundhog in the stump. Phil’s official name is, Marmo ta monax. This Terra Porcus is a latin translation of Ground (Literally: Earth) and Hog (actually pig but who’s counting) Lux also means Light for what that's worth.
So at precisely 7:25 AM the crowd was whipped into a ecstatic frenzy by the prospect of witnessing history.
Lost souls: 2 hours to leave the Wal-Mart plaza. Appropriately Shadow was last seen at the Knob.
Scandal:
Although the skies were obviously overcast, the Groundhog Day President, Bill Cooper didn’t seem to notice. (There was some speculation that this man was also known as DB Cooper, the famous plane jumper from the 70’s. The plot thickens.
“President, DB Cooper announced that the rodent had seen his shadow. There wasn’t a shadow within 100 miles. There was no groundhog shadow for two compelling reasons:
1. The skies were overcast, with snow in the air.
2. More importantly, the sun hadn’t even come up yet.
a. The official reached in and grabbed the world-famous rodent at precisely 7:25AM, a full minute before the sunrise.
b. Don’t think that I made an error looking at my watch. I keep very accurate time –the The National Institute of Standards and Technology —calls me for the correct time.
Those facts notwithstanding, the media spread this false truth throughout the world.
I’m calling for a congressional investigation into this scandal. If a fine citizen like Roger Clemens has to undergo the scrutiny of a congressional sub-committee, then the ‘Inner Circle’ should also be brought to bear.
Sidebar A
http://aa.usno.navy.mil/data/docs/RS_OneDay.php
The following information is provided for Punxsutawney, Jefferson County, Pennsylvania (longitude W79.0, latitude N41.0):
Saturday
2 February 2008 Eastern Standard Time
Begin civil twilight 6:57 a.m.
Sunrise 7:26 a.m.
Sunset 5:34 p.m.
Predictions and official photos: http://www.groundhog.org/prediction/
The ‘Main Stream Media’ was well represented at Gobler’s Knob. The TV and print reporters improperly spread the word, and reported it without a shred of research, fact-checking or skepticism. The only slightly skeptical media outlet was from Pittsburgh’s Channel 11, which reported, “Despite low clouds, fog and freezing Drizzle the nation's first prognosticating groundhog saw his shadow.” Bu!!s^it! There was no f’ing shadow!!
Despite the facts, the truth was not disclosed. This kind of information makes everything else in the MSM come into question. They ALL got it wrong!
· http://www.stormfax.com/ghogday.htm:
· msnbc.msn.com
· The Register of Great Britain
· FoxNews.com
· CNN.com
· ABC news
· Including their Houston affiliate station
· WBIR in Knoxville, Tennessee
· The Chicago Tribune
· Even The Star-Ledger went along with the charade!
· Reuters.com (with a dateline of PHILADELPHIA
Phil's official forecast as read 2/2/08 at sunrise at Gobbler's Knob:
Hear Ye! Hear Ye! Hear Ye!
On Gobbler's Knob on this fabulous Groundhog Day, February 2nd, 2008
Punxsutawney Phil, the Seer of Seers, Prognosticator of all Prognosticators,
Rose to the call of President Bill Cooper and greeted his handlers, Ben Hughes and John Griffiths.
After casting a weather eye toward thousands of his faithful followers,
Phil consulted with President Cooper and directed him to the appropriate scroll, which proclaimed:
"As I look around me, a bright sky I see, and a shadow beside me.
Six more weeks of winter it will be!"
Dumb?
By now you, dear reader, have come to your own conclusion of the goings-on. The Mis-management team have given every indication that this was the “IT'S THE LAST ONE EVER!!!” Terra Porcus Lux Hash.
We’ll see.
Sidebar B
Quote Score:
“F’in rat” – 10
“Who took my F’n Budweiser?” –100
“Smackmybitchup” -10,000
On Out
Dog E Style
DES/mmi
Question of the week:
Is it dumb to travel 6 hours in the middle of the winter to do a hash and then see a rodent?
It’s hard to refute. However, now that it’s over, even though it was pretty god-damned dumb, it was well worth it. To travel that distance and endure the sleep deprivation necessary to enjoy the antics was thrilling. To go to Punxatawney, and participate in a well-known slice of Americana was memorable (Now… if I could only remember…). To get bragging rights that I attended the actual Groundhog Day event: PRICELESS. (Cross that off the ‘Bucket List’!)
Dog E's Photos (that reminds me, I gotta get a new camera!)
http://www.kodakgallery.com/ShareLandingSignin.jsp?Uc=8vsl89vv.brvprmrr&Uy=-wmdsxf&Upost_signin=Slideshow.jsp%3Fmode%3Dfromshare&Ux=0
Hit the View Slideshow then the Play Button.
TRAVEL
Simple enough directions: Summit to Harrisburg (really Enola): 151 miles, a tad more than 2 ½ hrs. That part seemed simple enough. The directions just had 4 lines: Rt 78 turns into 81S. Exit 65, south 1.9 miles look for Toms service station. The trip west took about that amount of time, but the drive was done with the windshield wipers going the entire way, sometimes on intermittent, but on the whole time.
When I got to the designated Tom’s station, I was alone (Enola spelled backwards) for about an hour, until the other hashers started showing up. I was heartened by the presence of a hasher’s car in the lot; it turned out, it was left by someone who had left for Punx earlier in the day. About 5PM the cast was assembled. Through the miracle of cellular technology, we knew of BushRat’s adventures with the rental company. With the addition of one late-cummer, we were off by 6PM. We then loaded the van with warm clothes and hot hashers for the second leg:
I was with 10 of my closest friends. That’s not to say I liked them, it’s just that we were squeezed into the 15(!?) passenger van for the three and a half hour -166 mile ride to the “camp”. If memory serves, the van was populated by these hashers: Chapped Lips, COGO, Da Piss Mode, Dog E Style, Dude -Where’s My Mullet, Eager Beaver, Kodick Moment, Lunachic, Quarter Stick, and Sticky Buns.
The trip was good-natured, and well lubricated with intoxicating beverages. We were all in good spirits in eager anticipation of what was to come. Of the 10, only 3 were TPL veterans. The cell phones were getting a workout trying to include dozens of other hashers in our frivolity. (TubSlut and Deathwith were among those contacted) We spent some time singing dumb hash songs, sometimes discussing our favorite episodes of the Dukes of Hazzard, we also made contact with the Nittany Valley bus coming from State College. Wise-assed, Just Matt called to lie that their bus was broken down en-route to Punxatawney. BushRat, our designated driver/tour guide, endured our antics while navigating the icy roads of western Pennsylvania.
Duck Island
We arrived at ‘Duck Island sometime around 8:30PM. The anticipation of Duck Island didn’t live up to its reality. What it really was was someone named Kathy’s house and backyard. The island part comes in because a portion of the yard was separated from the rest by a pair of footbridges, which crossed icy-snowy streamlets. The owners, Kathy and her husband aren’t hashers, but were very tolerant of hash behavior. It was a suitable staging area to keep some 60 hashers happy through the long night.
The perfunctory registration process was completed on board the bus, and everyone was outfitted with a powder blue hoody sweatshirt with an embroidered TPL logo patch on the left breast. The giveaway was a bit lame considering this is the ‘last one ever’. The choice of light blue was inspired, making them stand out in a crowd, such as the one we would join by dawn’s early light.
The hashers gathered and ate tons of hot dogs and burgers until midnight when they were summoned to the bus for the hash. Before joining the bus passengers, the hashers took the opportunity to change into their hash clothes. Some hashers were wearing layer upon layer, making them the size of linebackers. The bus was filled and driven to Gobblers Knob. So far, so good…
Trail
Hares: Tu-Tu Fairy, Pork Screw and Bush Rat. (I think there was a fourth, but the brain cells that were used to store that information were lost that night). Weather: 29° under cloudy skies –Perfect for hashing.
As the pack left the comfort of the bus, surly cops met them and immediately started giving attitude. After a photo-op in front of ‘Phil’s sign’ the hares took off with the confidence the pack would follow after ten minutes. However, the cop’s surliness increased to the point of obnoxiousness. (They were guarding a sign at midnight. How much easier duty could you get?) The hare’s were away and after the attitude from the cops, the pack was off in hot pursuit. The 10 minute head start turned into two or three. It wasn’t immediately apparent, but only half the bus got off to do the trail the others were carted off to town to await the pack.
Trail included some snowy fields, but was mostly on icy roads. In many spots each step was so treacherous that hashers were taking baby steps, making the pack look more like the March of the Penguins, than a running event.
There was shortcutting galore, the pack was together for short intervals, coming together then spreading out like a Busby Berkeley production number. Certain savvy short-cutters including Dog E and QuarterStick ran into the hares as they winded their way through the downtown area. Eventually the pack was reunited with the bus-hashers and sent carted back to the ‘island’. To the disappointment of some, the town didn’t look like it did in the Bill Murray movie. As it turns out, the flick was filmed in Woodstock, Illinois.
The trail may (or may not) have looked something like TPL hash map(?).
Upon return to the staging area, the bonfire was smoldering at first but with the help of Da Piss Mode’s dragon breath, and Quarterstick’s combustible contributions, it was raging soon enough.
Circle
Eventually everyone was rounded up and made their way back to our Duck Island. Pork Screw did an admirable job of keeping thing running; he first invited the trio from Portland Oregon to join him for a down-down. Then the usual stuff of visitors, locals FRBs, DFL’s, first timer TPL’s, you know, that kind of stuff.
The most entertaining moment was when the RA grabbed the opportunity and his dick. He slinked to a dark spot on the outside of the circle for a well-deserved pee. Just at that moment, Matt from H5 had a similar idea, with the two in the same place at the same time. Matt walked into the fire-hose like stream. This was much to Matt’s chagrin, but the amusement of everyone else.
This circle is not the reason for the gathering. That wouldn’t come for another 5 hours. After the circle did an abridged rendition of Swing Low, the hash stayed for several more hours of carousing and drinking.
A careful look at the time revealed that the 5 o’clock hour was approaching and it was time to get ready for the rat.
The entertainment for the next few hours was watching not-so- normal NORM, in his endless pursuit of his beer.
“Where’s my F’n 30-pack of Budweiser cans?”
He got some sympathy but the overriding emotion was “What an asshole!” “Who leave a case of beer next to hashers, and expects it to be there 4 hours later?”
The Mis-Management did an exemplary job of buying the perfect amount of beer for the night. The beer ran out at 5:01am, precisely timed to coincide with the departure of the bus for the Knob. The lack of beer played a role on the way back from the Knob, but that’s another story.
GOBLERS KNOB
Arriving at the Knob is like walking into a slice of Americana. The crowd was estimated to be 30-40,000 chilly souls. The Punxatawneyians did their level best to entertain the masses before the big reveal.
Along with singing and dancing they held a bogus version of The Newlywed Game. Shortly after the winners were announced, the second-place couple came forward and got engaged right there. Amazingly, no one except me thought that odd. Not to be outdone, two other wankers also took a knee in front of the chilly congregation. So for those scoring at home, (way to go!), that’s three newly engaged couples at the stump.
After this lovey-dovey stuff the skies lit up with fireworks. I exaggerate. The firework extravaganza was less then QuarterStick goes through every evening before bed. There was some speculation that the noisy boom-booms would awaken the rodent-of-honor prematurely. Those worries proved to be unwarranted; Phil wasn’t aroused until he was handled (sound familiar?).
So that brings us to another point of contention… The hash is known as TERRA PORCUS LUX -(TPL for short, in case you were wondering about all those TPL’s above). What the hell is Terra Porcus? What it isn’t is the scientific name of the groundhog in the stump. Phil’s official name is, Marmo ta monax. This Terra Porcus is a latin translation of Ground (Literally: Earth) and Hog (actually pig but who’s counting) Lux also means Light for what that's worth.
So at precisely 7:25 AM the crowd was whipped into a ecstatic frenzy by the prospect of witnessing history.
Lost souls: 2 hours to leave the Wal-Mart plaza. Appropriately Shadow was last seen at the Knob.
Scandal:
Although the skies were obviously overcast, the Groundhog Day President, Bill Cooper didn’t seem to notice. (There was some speculation that this man was also known as DB Cooper, the famous plane jumper from the 70’s. The plot thickens.
“President, DB Cooper announced that the rodent had seen his shadow. There wasn’t a shadow within 100 miles. There was no groundhog shadow for two compelling reasons:
1. The skies were overcast, with snow in the air.
2. More importantly, the sun hadn’t even come up yet.
a. The official reached in and grabbed the world-famous rodent at precisely 7:25AM, a full minute before the sunrise.
b. Don’t think that I made an error looking at my watch. I keep very accurate time –the The National Institute of Standards and Technology —calls me for the correct time.
Those facts notwithstanding, the media spread this false truth throughout the world.
I’m calling for a congressional investigation into this scandal. If a fine citizen like Roger Clemens has to undergo the scrutiny of a congressional sub-committee, then the ‘Inner Circle’ should also be brought to bear.
Sidebar A
http://aa.usno.navy.mil/data/docs/RS_OneDay.php
The following information is provided for Punxsutawney, Jefferson County, Pennsylvania (longitude W79.0, latitude N41.0):
Saturday
2 February 2008 Eastern Standard Time
Begin civil twilight 6:57 a.m.
Sunrise 7:26 a.m.
Sunset 5:34 p.m.
Predictions and official photos: http://www.groundhog.org/prediction/
The ‘Main Stream Media’ was well represented at Gobler’s Knob. The TV and print reporters improperly spread the word, and reported it without a shred of research, fact-checking or skepticism. The only slightly skeptical media outlet was from Pittsburgh’s Channel 11, which reported, “Despite low clouds, fog and freezing Drizzle the nation's first prognosticating groundhog saw his shadow.” Bu!!s^it! There was no f’ing shadow!!
Despite the facts, the truth was not disclosed. This kind of information makes everything else in the MSM come into question. They ALL got it wrong!
· http://www.stormfax.com/ghogday.htm:
· msnbc.msn.com
· The Register of Great Britain
· FoxNews.com
· CNN.com
· ABC news
· Including their Houston affiliate station
· WBIR in Knoxville, Tennessee
· The Chicago Tribune
· Even The Star-Ledger went along with the charade!
· Reuters.com (with a dateline of PHILADELPHIA
Phil's official forecast as read 2/2/08 at sunrise at Gobbler's Knob:
Hear Ye! Hear Ye! Hear Ye!
On Gobbler's Knob on this fabulous Groundhog Day, February 2nd, 2008
Punxsutawney Phil, the Seer of Seers, Prognosticator of all Prognosticators,
Rose to the call of President Bill Cooper and greeted his handlers, Ben Hughes and John Griffiths.
After casting a weather eye toward thousands of his faithful followers,
Phil consulted with President Cooper and directed him to the appropriate scroll, which proclaimed:
"As I look around me, a bright sky I see, and a shadow beside me.
Six more weeks of winter it will be!"
Dumb?
By now you, dear reader, have come to your own conclusion of the goings-on. The Mis-management team have given every indication that this was the “IT'S THE LAST ONE EVER!!!” Terra Porcus Lux Hash.
We’ll see.
Sidebar B
Quote Score:
“F’in rat” – 10
“Who took my F’n Budweiser?” –100
“Smackmybitchup” -10,000
On Out
Dog E Style
DES/mmi
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Congratulations to our Scribe for getting this to work.
Just a quick test post. Wanted to pick a picture of your fine Scribe in a curious pose from last years AGM.
Papoose on the loose. Hash #1125
The FIRST Summit HHH Run in 2008
…And first official SHHH blog entry.
Run No: 1125 - The Annual Hare of the Dog Hash
Date: Tuesday, 1/1/2008 at 11 AM
Hare: Papoose on the Loose
Where: Nomahegan Park, Cranford, NJ
Weather: Overcast 45° (perfect for hashing)
Hashers: (25) Anal Lick it All, Breast Stroke, Bubbles, Cereal Killer, Dog E Style, Dogmeat, GeneYass, GI, Great Sex, Just Frank, Locomorrow, Massengil, Miscast, Orgasmitron, Rear End Wrangler, Seoul Brudda, Still Just Bruce, Sweet Pee, Twatever, and Whomp ‘em,
Plus: 5 Cranford Jaycee Alumni, Jack Martin, Lou Koehler, Chip Weiss, Bill Owings and Ian Ward.
And: Anya and Quinn, and Calvin and Leo
Also starring: Godiva
Bubbles drove from Anchorage just to tell us the punch line.
Start: Anchorage, AK US
End: Cranford, NJ US
Total Est. Time: 75 hours, 6 minutes
Total Est. Distance: 4399.40 miles
Locomorrow was one of the first arrivers. He was making like a bootlegger. His trunk was open as he hawked his wares. He wasn’t selling, more like unloading more Saku, Estonian beer. GI alleged that the beer was past its expiration date, but that was proven false. The little square where the expiration date should have been was empty. Did Loco file off the number?
Whomp ‘em showed up with GI. Her long awaited and much promised SHHH contact list was still MIA. (To be continued)
Trail:
Link: http://www.mapmyrun.com/run/united-states/nj/cranford/118027691
The day started out promising enough: rain, rain and more rain. It was intermittent but mostly pouring. To the relief of some the snow and ice had melted, but to the chagrin of others, that rendered the trail a swampy mess. (Perfect for hashing. Was that mentioned already?). Yes the hare set the trail, and it was reportedly well marked. The pack followed blue flavored flour through Nomahegan and beyond.
Ever the resourceful short-cutter, Dog E was surprised to see GeneY and Bubbles in his company. The trio was elated at being within sight of the front-runners well into the hash. This was quickly turned into remorse when it became apparent that the only way to catch up was to back-track and go back over that Rio Grande a third time. This effort was rewarded with the sight of a herd of 5-6 deer swimming across that river. Their nature walk included a view of a red-tailed hawk and other fauna. Godiva was in over her head –a predicament she hates. In an ill-advised run across river flotsam, she began to sink into the quicksand-like morass. An intrepid hasher was able to grab her collar and yank her to safety before she was swept away in the raging current. Their adventure continued through Fairview cemetery and the campus of Union Co. College. A long-cut at the end proved costly, costing the trio an additional mile when they missed a hole in the cemetery’s fence and had to find a legitimate exit. (This may be the longest paragraph in the scribe’s history)
Another interesting note: A previously unknown pact among the chickens: “What goes on during the chicken trail, stays on the chicken trail”. The above description notwithstanding, there were no down-downs awarded for any of the above.
…And first official SHHH blog entry.
Run No: 1125 - The Annual Hare of the Dog Hash
Date: Tuesday, 1/1/2008 at 11 AM
Hare: Papoose on the Loose
Where: Nomahegan Park, Cranford, NJ
Weather: Overcast 45° (perfect for hashing)
Hashers: (25) Anal Lick it All, Breast Stroke, Bubbles, Cereal Killer, Dog E Style, Dogmeat, GeneYass, GI, Great Sex, Just Frank, Locomorrow, Massengil, Miscast, Orgasmitron, Rear End Wrangler, Seoul Brudda, Still Just Bruce, Sweet Pee, Twatever, and Whomp ‘em,
Plus: 5 Cranford Jaycee Alumni, Jack Martin, Lou Koehler, Chip Weiss, Bill Owings and Ian Ward.
And: Anya and Quinn, and Calvin and Leo
Also starring: Godiva
Bubbles drove from Anchorage just to tell us the punch line.
Start: Anchorage, AK US
End: Cranford, NJ US
Total Est. Time: 75 hours, 6 minutes
Total Est. Distance: 4399.40 miles
Locomorrow was one of the first arrivers. He was making like a bootlegger. His trunk was open as he hawked his wares. He wasn’t selling, more like unloading more Saku, Estonian beer. GI alleged that the beer was past its expiration date, but that was proven false. The little square where the expiration date should have been was empty. Did Loco file off the number?
Whomp ‘em showed up with GI. Her long awaited and much promised SHHH contact list was still MIA. (To be continued)
Trail:
Link: http://www.mapmyrun.com/run/united-states/nj/cranford/118027691
The day started out promising enough: rain, rain and more rain. It was intermittent but mostly pouring. To the relief of some the snow and ice had melted, but to the chagrin of others, that rendered the trail a swampy mess. (Perfect for hashing. Was that mentioned already?). Yes the hare set the trail, and it was reportedly well marked. The pack followed blue flavored flour through Nomahegan and beyond.
Ever the resourceful short-cutter, Dog E was surprised to see GeneY and Bubbles in his company. The trio was elated at being within sight of the front-runners well into the hash. This was quickly turned into remorse when it became apparent that the only way to catch up was to back-track and go back over that Rio Grande a third time. This effort was rewarded with the sight of a herd of 5-6 deer swimming across that river. Their nature walk included a view of a red-tailed hawk and other fauna. Godiva was in over her head –a predicament she hates. In an ill-advised run across river flotsam, she began to sink into the quicksand-like morass. An intrepid hasher was able to grab her collar and yank her to safety before she was swept away in the raging current. Their adventure continued through Fairview cemetery and the campus of Union Co. College. A long-cut at the end proved costly, costing the trio an additional mile when they missed a hole in the cemetery’s fence and had to find a legitimate exit. (This may be the longest paragraph in the scribe’s history)
Another interesting note: A previously unknown pact among the chickens: “What goes on during the chicken trail, stays on the chicken trail”. The above description notwithstanding, there were no down-downs awarded for any of the above.
While the pack was out there, Calvin and Leo were impressed with Papoose’s van. They were thrilled to get a chance to ‘drive’ the massive juggernaut.
Circle:
- Great Sex finally got the circle together with the help of Miscast’s protractor at 12:50pm.
- FRB: Dogmeat was seen “kicking it in” to “win the hash”.
- DFL: The trio of Dog E, Bubbles and GeneYass
- Non-runners: Twatever, Whomp ‘em
- Visitor/reboot: Bubbles (Still no punch line)
Other reboots: the 5 Cranfordites last seen exactly a year ago
The accusations then flew: - Dog E Style for urging hashers to call 911 to give him something to do
- Birthday boy: Massengil (it’s still a week or two away, but WTF?)
- Frank, a new guy was seen picking up the hash marks on trail. He’s new but not that new. What was he trying to accomplish?
- Great Sex was seen wearing racing gloves on trail.
It was also noted that GeneYass was wearing a marathon jacket. - GI called up Seoul Brudda for missing his own hash. He was like Ron Popeil, “Set it and forget it”.
- Miscast was called forth to acknowledge his new hobby –necrophilia. Plausible explanation: While making his way through the cemetery he commented that he loved the hole, even going down into it for his deviant sexual practice.
- The late Marcel Marceau was on trail –or so it seemed. While Dogmeat was at the front of the pack, his “On-On” calls were not heard. He may have been performing in mime.
- Just at that moment, a crazy lady driving an Accord with “Conquer Cancer” license plate drove at the circle. She may have been attempting to conquer the neoplastic disease by flattening potential patients.
- Wrangler tried to slink in under the radar, but was busted. His truancy from the start of the circle was punished appropriately.
- Milestone: Dog E Style was congratulated for attending his 250th Summit hash. To save the math: 250/1125 =22.22% of all Summit hashes!
Later, speculation arose of who might have attended more than 22%. Some of the likely suspects:
Breaststroke?
GI?
Keyhole?
Massengil?
Papoose?
Seoul Brudda?
Suck ‘em Up?
- Just as Dog E was about to put the cup to his lips, a Cranford cop pulled into the parking lot. Call it Coppus Interrupttus. After the cruiser cruised out the down-down was done.
- For his hyperactivity/AADD, Seoul Brudda was called up. He was antsy to get on with the circle and on-on to Frenchy’s. “Why aren’t we at Frenchy’s yet?”
He was displaying particular traits, let’s look at his symptoms:
Many projects going simultaneously; trouble with follow through.
A tendency to say what comes to mind without necessarily considering the timing or appropriateness of the remark.
A frequent search for high stimulation.
An intolerance of boredom.
Easy distractibility; trouble focusing attention, tendency to tune out or drift away in the middle of a page or conversation, often coupled with an inability to focus at times.
Trouble in going through established channels and following "proper" procedure.
Impatient; low tolerance of frustration.
Impulsive, either verbally or in action, as an impulsive spending of money.
Physical or cognitive restlessness.
Inaccurate self-observation.
He quickly disposed of his beer and re-asked the above question.
- Cereal Killer was called up for pussy-footing the trail. He managed to keep his feet and shoes dry by avoiding the trail. While the rest of the pack was fording streams and marveling at swimming deer, he stayed on the pavement –high and dry.
- Then it happened: 1:25pm on New Years Day, Dogmeat came out with his first whine of the year. He was heard to complain about the trail, and its traverse of a damn dam. He too didn’t want to get his feet wet, but just bitched about it.
- Breaststroke pulled a doozie. He expressed an interest in collecting the now due dues. He announced that unlike other banks, he was open for business on New Year’s.
- There were the usual announcements particularly with regards to the next weekly hash. And with that Sex sent the hash in peace to get a piece.
On On.
Where else but Frenchy’s?
Frenchy's Bar & Grill Inc
543 W Westfield Ave 545, Roselle Park, NJ Tel: (908) 245-9775
Not to be confused with: Frenchys, Frenchy's or Frenchy's.
This Frenchy’s is not foreign to offering annual meeting space. They host Umpires and wrestlers, St Patrick's Day Parade organizers, and even the local “dad’s club”: He said we have a Dad’s Club in town and they are very involved in kid’s programming and scholarships. He said they meet the third Wednesday of each month at Frenchy’s Tavern Banquet Room.
The nice bartender Frank, gave the hash give-away blue pens, which the scribe used to finish his notes. After Frank got tired of pouring beer for the hashers he was relieved by Sharon, a southpaw out of the bullpen.
Since this was Dog E Style’s first visit, he was keen to share his impression.
“It is dark and smoky. Even though smoking has not been permitted in NJ for two years, the walls and furniture still reek of nicotine”. At first glance, it doesn’t look welcoming or accommodating. There were no overhead lights, giving the place Greg Louganis-worthy “Dive” Status. The food quickly put that notion to rest. That’s not meant to be a criticism “perfect for hashers”/
Someone asked Bubbles about her alligator wrestling story. She asserted it was all true, and that she wrote it, it wasn’t lifted from an adventure magazine. She seemed to revel in the attention and her re-affirmed status as insane. However that status took a serious hit, when it was finally revealed that the aquatic reptile in question Alligator mississipiensis, known familiarly as a gator …
...Was only 2 feet long! That detail doesn’t make the story false. She laughed that until then, no one asked that crucial question.
The tables quickly resembled a banquet. Food of many varieties filled the table
Mrs. Miscast made her traditional crab-dip;
(Miscast also had a big bag of goodies, but nothing that comes close to the dip)
Wrangler brought London broil;
Sex gave us cheesecake;
Dogmeat sugarized some cheerio concoction. (Not as bad as it sounds)
Massengil brought the rich sweet treat, baklava
Breaststroke hit the floor; (Nobody called 911) the provisional diagnosis was vaso-vagal syncope. ICD-9 code: 780.2 Syncope and collapse. The reason for this malady was quickly determined –Dogmeat actually paid his hash dues on Jan 1!
[Oh wait delete that section. This page is in violation of HIPAA. The penalties of disclosing health information are severe.]
After being resuscitated, Breaststroke was flush with the excess capital, he and Dr O came up with a capital idea: We’ll hire the Goodyear Blimp or a banner plane. It will fly it over Giant’s Stadium during Jets games. Our logo will appear followed by the phrase: ----<”IF YOU WANT BEER AND THE SIGHT OF THE FEMALE BREAST – COME HASHING!” Then cooler heads prevailed the notion was shelved upon the realization that it would attract JETS fans.
Shortly after everyone was out the door, someone noticed a person with a familiar shirt at the bar. The bright shirt was a souvenir of Summit HHH’s 150th hash (October 17, 1987) at the Delaware Water Gap. After a few lubricating beers he let on that he was Tommy, the nephew of Horny Paws. He had been ‘away’ for a year, and is eager to rejoin society.
On-On to Summit Inter-hash 2008
Dog E Style
Scribe
DES/mmi
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