Tuesday, May 13, 2008

LocoMorrow 1152 May 12, 2008

Hash Number: 1152
When: Monday May 12th at 7:00pm
Where: Laurel Hill Park
Weather: 58° and windy.
Why: Good Trail, Fine Table Cloths
Hare: Loco Morrow
Hashers: BreastStroke, Dog E Style, GI, He Man (V), He Mom (V)(NR), Keyhole, Massengil, Rat Bastard, Seoul Brudda, and Twatever

The trail was unique and memorable, although Loco started the pack in the same spot as Summit Hash #1079 on Monday March 21, 2007, The trail was new and improved.

This park has a long and varied history; as depicted in a 2007 movie, Snake Hill
From 1870 to 1962, New Jersey's infamous Snake Hill institutions were the last stop for thousands of terminally ill patients, indigents, "lunatics" and prisoners. Approximately 10,000 bodies and their belongings were buried two-deep on the grounds. Abandoned and forsaken, they lay in deplorable conditions for decades as millions of unsuspecting motorists passed by on the New Jersey Turnpike every day.The hashers were chilled and shaken –like 007’s martini. The pack of 9 enthusiastically followed flour to and along the NJ Turnpike, only to come across a “BC-15” meaning back toward the start. This and other tricks held the pack together for the first 30minutes or so. Then a problematic check split the group into three factions. The hashers looked more like mountain goats, then r*nners. The basalt was sturdy at times, or crumbling under foot. This cliff-hanging, vertigo-inducing trail was not for wimps.
Eventually Massengil and Seoul were the only ones to figure out the true trail. They were rewarded with a trip to the top of the ‘Fraternity Rock’ part of the mountain. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snake_Hill
The others including BreastStroke, Keyhole, Twat, and Dog E, saw the hare’s car from a vantage point on the rock, so headed toward that spot, only to find the devious hare had moved by the time they got there. GI was also found wandering the fields and dales, in search of hashers or trail.
Rat and He Man were seen still traversing the rock face but were summoned to the beer by whistles and waves. Despite the seeming divergent paths, all hashers found their way to Loco’s beer car within five minutes or so.
All the while, a lone sheriff’s van was surveilling the park. He was either disinterested or oblivious, since he never made his way to the beer or hashers.
Here’s an estimation of the trail:

Arriving back at the cars the temperature seemed to dip into the single digits. There was little socializing an much shivering, especially from the Thai duo.

On On (Complications set in)
We were given the easy instructions to get to the On-In: Campanello’s 51 County Ave, Secaucus. Unfortunately, the hare didn’t read the fine print on the menu he was showing off: BUSINESS HOURS
Monday thru Friday 7 AM to 9 PM
Getting to the joint, looking lean and hungry, the pack was met by a guy leaving and laughing that the place was about to close. (Time check: 8:55PM) Dammit!
Keen eyed hashers looked across the street to a welcoming restaurant with neon beer signs in the window:

56 County Ave. Secaucus, NJ
The best Italian food By Sandra R
“Great place to have a party or a romantic dinner. The food is out of this world. Very quaint and quiet. Everything is made to order and I have never had a bad meal. We've had many parties there and they do a fantastic job to make it memorable.”
So across the street we trudged. Rat wanted to drive there, but he reconsidered given the ridicule he received. All was well until the menu was passed out. Loco nearly passed out too.
Filet Mignon Served with Broccoli $29.95
Filet Mignon Medallions Sorrentina With Eggplant, Prosciutto and Mozzarella in Light Red Sauce $25.95

Screw that! Pizza we wanted, pizza we got:
Pizza Bianco Mozzarella & Ricotta Cheese $12.95
Pizza Favorita Covered with Sliced Mozzarella, topped with Plum Tomato, Garlic, & Oil $12.95
Pizza Margherita With Fresh Mozzarella & Basil $14.95

As the kitchen was preparing our pies, we got a few pitchers and commenced the circle. The few customers in the room were alternatively curious and repulsed at the prospect of sitting through such shenanigans, especially the aforementioned Sandra R.

Rat officiated his first circle as GrandMaster.
Hare: Loco was congratulated for setting the best trail of the year, and also shamed for the worst. It should be noted that the bugs that dominated his last effort were miraculously missing this time.
FRB: Keyhole and HeMan
DFL: BreastStroke.
Non-Runner: He-Mom, visiting from Maine.
Visitors: He-Man from Phuket, Thailand and his mom from Maine.
· Alleged overachievers: Seoul and Massengil. “For doing the whole trail?”
· Short-cutters: Everyone else
· Hare for putting an arrow in the wrong direction at the top of a hill; “I was disoriented”.
· Keyhole for micromanaging the directions, making sure the drivers could find Exit 15-X
[What a coincidence, the rest of the diners paid up their tabs and left. More food for the rest of us.]
· For missing the AGM, two days ago, Keyhole and Loco stood up for a down-down.
· GI for coming late and not seeing flour or trail until after the beer check, which he managed to find.
· Keyhole again for recognition and appreciation of the Turd Brown Ale, he brewed and supplied for the AGM. (He was also informed that he is still the brew-meister.)
· The hare for dragging us to a closed On-In. It was also noted that once again, the hare found a place with real linen tablecloths (as promised).
· He Man arose to reminisce about the small world of hashing. In a Six degrees o separation conversation with Seoul Brudda, he found out that he knows the hasher that introduced Seoul to his wife, Robin. The guy’s name is Winky and is widely acknowledged to be and asshole.
· BreastStroke was called up for not being able to sing “What a wank…”
· Massengil gave a public service announcement. “I just found three ticks on me”.
There will be a full moon in May… “Sooner or later”, “You will be notified”
He Man gave all an initiation to Phuket Thailand. He also informed the group that, “My sister’s a hasher”. Her name is Airlock and may show up at an upcoming hash. He Mom got her on the phone for a long-distance down-down.
[Another coincidence: The circle ended as the food arrived.]

DogE Style

Still Scribe

Friday, May 9, 2008

Hash #1141 March 15, 2008

Ides of March Toga Party Hash!

Summit Hash # 1141 - Beware The Babes Of March - #3
When: Saturday, 3/15/08 at 3:00 PM
Where: Convent Station Train Station, Convent Station, NJ
Event: Ides_of_March/ Babes of March Hash and On-On Toga Party!
Hare: Whomp 'Em
Hashers: (19)Anal Lick it All, AntiCoch BreastStroke(?),Cereal Killer, Clitty Litter, Dog E Style, Dogmeat, Foreskin, GI, Good Shit Lollicock, Massengil, Miscast, No Genitals, Orgasmitron, Papoose, Rat Bastard, Seoul Brudda, Splice Girl, Tub Slut, Twatever, and Yer an Anal Cyst,
And some other new guy from somewhere else
And, and Adam, Anya and Quinn. Plus: La-La, Maggie and Turd Taster.
The above list was gathered from this: Photographic evidence.

Those 44 pictures are the only surviving records of this event.
At the duly appointed time the hashers showed up to do trail. Our usually diligent scribe was less than diligent for this event. Uncharacteristically, he didn’t take his scribe pad with him. Plus he was slightly unmotivated, having survived a torturous Rumson hash earlier in the day. That said, what follows is the scribe’s fleeting memories of the event. This also makes it simple to type up, when there’s no scrawled notes to try to read.

The dogs they had a meeting… In anticipation of this hash, and inspired by this Video, Clitty, Dog E and Dogmeat decided to get out there and get the makings of a toga. So, by coincidence, the trio met at an arts and crafts store on Route 22, only to find that there was no suitable material in that store, so off they went to Fabricland in their quest for toga material. Dog E came away with three yards of green fabric, Dogmeat went with the Flintstone look.
Arriving late with Clitty, the scribe quickly cinched up his toga and was off with the crowd. His costume was green in honor of St Patrick’s Day. He accessorized with a plastic roman sword at his side.
What kind of town is Morristown? It’s the kind of town that a fella can run around, wearing a green toga carrying a roman sword, and not have anyone bat an eye… That’s my kind of town!
He was seen to accost civilians and ask in a threatening way, “Are you Caesar” while raising his sword to inflict the fatal blow. Needless to say, the civilians just laughed and walked away.
In one of those encounters, he lost his dagger. He then foolishly backtracked, looking to retrieve the $2 hash prop. This ill-advised foray caused him to loose the pack for the umpteenth time. (Yes, he keeps diligent records; this was indeed the umpteenth time he was dropped by the pack.) The wayward dog finished as the pack was gathering their stuff and heading off to Whomp ‘em’s.

Upon returning to the train station, cK was standing, chagrined, next to his dead Rabbit. It seemed he blew a hose on his way. He was dead in the water, but for the heroic action of Clitty. You see, while the hashers were hashing, she went out of her way to try to find a replacement hose for the dead Rabbit.
Toga sporting hashers: (10) Dog E Style, Dogmeat, Dr. O, GI, Papoose, Rat Bastard, Seoul Brudda, TubSlut, Whomp em, and YAAC

The circle was well underway when cK, Clitty and Dog E made it to the deck. The proceedings of that assembly were not documented.

As is traditional at an On-On hosted by Whomp ‘em the food was plentiful and excellently prepared.

DogE Style


Monday, April 21, 2008

Camel Bowel's Full Scottish Monty Hash! Full Moon #93, Summit Hash #1143

Circa: 1965 - Jack Brothers - Camel's real taste satisfies longer.

Twas a braw bright moonlit nicht

Camel's Full Scottish Monty Hash!
Hash: Full Moon #93, Summit Hash #1143
When: Monday 24th March 2008 @ 7pm
Where: Scottish American Club, 40 Patterson Street, Kearny, New Jersey
Kilts: Optional but highly recommended
Weather: 50° and dark.
Hare: Camel Bowels
Hashers: (11) Dog E Style, Dogmeat, GI, Good Shit Lollicock, Hazmatt, Massengil, Miscast, Rear End Wrangler, Seoul Brudda, Tub Slut, and Twatever
“…And so it came to pass that the home of America's finest immigrant population, will now host the first SFMH3 event to be run through the hills and dales of lovely Kearny.”The parking at the Scots Club was a challenge for some. There was no nearby carpark, and too many larries in the causey. Additionally, the fire brigade was busy tending a gleed up the wynd. To make sense of that the scribe recommends, see explanatory note below.
The scribe was late, having come straight from work. He brought the still-fractured RE Wrangler with him to the wee clachan of Kearny. Kearny, NJ
The Sopranos used to film in Kearny. The location of the fictitious Satriale's Pork Store, which houses Tony Soprano's office in the show, was at 101 Kearny Avenue. The pig was placed back on the roof when filming.
What kind of town is Kearny? It’s kind of town that someone can run around business and residential neighbourhoods in a ‘front-to-back’ kilt and not raise any suspicion, nor an eyebrow.

The hare gave a rousing Braveheart like speech stirring the Scottish patriotism amoung his troops. And with that the pack was out. They embarked on an anti-clockwise trail around Kearney and environs. Traipsing in every direction but the intended one. The true trail following the train tracks, the trail gave spectacular view of the Manhattan skyline. The pack also got to appreciate the topography of the Meadowlands and a landfill.

Scribes estimation of the route: Camel hash SFM93
Find more Runs in Kearny, New Jersey

Link: http://www.mapmyrun.com/run/united-states/nj/kearny/263739281

Dogmeat was handed the reins of the circle at 8:40pm
Some sniveling about the perceived lack of flour or chalk marks.
FRB: Although it was not acknowledged in the circle, Twatever was first in. she was also among the first out. She had to leave before the circle was organized, so didn’t get a chance to revel in her glory. “Winning the hash” is usually a phrase only uttered by Keyhole. The rest of the hash is just happy to finish at all.
DFL: The honours went to Dog E and Massengil (despite his GPS gizmo)
Non-Runner: Good Sh!t Lollicock a second time visitor from San Francisco. He alleged that he ran 10 miles in and around town, but the lack of perspiration gave away his ruse.
Another NR was RE Wrangler, who was milking sympathy over his broken ankle. No, don’t get up.

Hazmatt and Massengil, something about not calling out when they knew they were on trail. (Dogmeat tried to explain but the complications were too complicated.
GI while looking for parking spot, he didn’t notice the assembled hashers pointing out a perfectly legal spot right in front of the club. He had to circle the block a few times to get the hint.
Kilted hashers: Tub Slut and Dog E this wasn’t so much an accusation, but a congratulatory down-down for following directions. This also acknowledges that Dog E has officially qualified for the Society of Kilted Hashers.
The hare was looking too bonnie in his cleidin. He insisted he changed into his hash braws, simply by tirring his hause tie. This provoked another Down-Down for Camel

Ed note: The scribe is not completely nuts; he’s just spent too much time using the Scots online dictionaryhttp://www.scots-online.org/dictionary/useeng.htm

Scots American Athletic Club of Kearny, NJ
Motto: "…. Shall be to promote good fellowship among all its members and to engender a more harmonious feeling among all."

The hare took the opportunity to slag the kilted scribe. He regaled the hashers with a cock-and-bull yairn about The Black Watch, which was whid. The hare told the gathered hashers that the Black Watch was a regiment of poofters, which is why the tartan is so widely available. It’s most often seen in consignment shops in Edinburgh(a) and Glasgow.
Of course none of that is true, the Black Watch was recently disbanded, but had a rich history as fierce Scottish warriors. They had as a motto: "Wha daur meddle wi me?"Which translates to "Who dare meddle with me?" This was later appropriated by the colonists in the Gadsen Flag, you know… The yellow one with the rattlesnake, “Don’t Tread on Me”

The Black Watch (Royal Highland Regiment) was the first kilted regiment in the British Army, and the first to introduce the bagpipe. It's the oldest Highland regiment and can trace a line back to 1624 when the government of the day started raising Independent Companies to keep a check on the wild clansmen… The Black Watch, or "Royal Highland Regiment", the oldest of the Highland units, wear the "Universal" tartan. Sometimes called the "Black Watch" or "42nd" tartan, it is claimed to be a Campbell tartan and is worn as such, when woven in brighter color shades, by the Duke of Argyll. The pipers of the Regiment, however, wear a different tartan, the "Royal Stewart", as is the custom in certain of the Scottish regiments.
Wearing the tartan is not the same as knowing how to wear it. Dog E was ridiculed by the otherwise nice lady bartender, for wearing his kilt “Front-to-Back” The pleats go on your bum. Dog E then realized he should have read the instructions in the kilt pack.

Dog E bought his kilt from this outfit: http://www.stillwaterkilts.com/

On Out
Dog E Style,

Summit Full Moon Hash House Harriers


1146 Alibi and Honey Buns do Tweed

Summit Hash Number: 1146
Hares: Alibi and Honey Buns
Where: Tackamack Park (Southern part of Blauvelt State Park)
When: Saturday April 12, 2008 at 3:00 pm
Weather: Spectacular: 75 and clear
Hashers: (17) Anal Lick it All, BreastStroke, Clitty Litter, Dancin Fool, Dog E Style, Dogmeat, Finger In, Keyhole, Little Sacs, Massengil, Miscast, Orgasmitron, Papoose, Rear End Wrangler, Seoul Brudda, Twatever, and Whomp em. And: Anya and Quinn
Not to mention: Maggie
Excused absence: GI and Tub Slut.
Honorable mention: Just John

As the hashers arrived, every spot was taken up by a hash car, every spot but one: The one occupied by John. We never got his real name, but we know his game: “A game played all over town, the girls with ten toes up, the men with ten toes down…” He must have been hot in his car, since he spent his time fanning himself with a dollar bills.

This "john" showed Clitty the money, which got her a bit nervous; she then removed valuables from her car and gave to Honey Buns for safekeeping. IE, the currency cooler caused Clitty concern.

By all accounts, this was the first time in its glorious history that Blauvelt hosted the Summit hash. 1145 previous hashes and hares, and no one thought of this awesome venue.

Massengil was still wobbly from a week at sea. He jumped ship mid-Hudson and swam up to the Tappan Zee to get to the hash. Such dedication!

Unofficial pictures of the hash: http://www.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=8vsl89vv.5tqspro3&x=0&y=-l02t28&localeid=en_US

The trail was inspired by an unemployed hare. He has time on his hands to explore the area. His reccy forays were rewarded.

Who’s that Keyhole that saved this map? http://maps.google.com/maps?q=http://bbs.keyhole.com/ubb/download.php?Number=878026&t=k&om=1

Blauvelt State Park is a great venue. Ya gotta love a place with a mountain named after Boss Tweed!
William M. Tweed (April 3, 1823 – April 12, 1878), was an American politician who was convicted for stealing over 100 million dollars from New York City taxpayers
That guy puts Mayor Sharpe James to shame. $100,000,000! In 1873!! And he wasn’t even from New Jersey!!!

The chicken-eagle trail was split at a tunnel. This tunnel was the reason the hares stressed the need for appropriate lighting for an afternoon hash. It was purportedly made as part of a firearms range in the early part of last century.

The trail was alternatively rocky, which is typical for the region, but a welcome section was pine padded.

Rear End Wrangler was initially excited to find out what happens at the back of the pack. Apparently he wasn’t that jazzed about the DFL group since he hit the afterburners on his tricked-up cast and disappeared into the woods.

Arriving at the BC the pack was full of good spirits, not that kind, more like good mood. The trail led them through the tall pines and up up up to the top of the aforementioned Tweed Mountain. Along the way, the pack had expansive views of the Hudson River valley. The view from the BC included the Tappan Zee Bridge far below, and midtown Manhattan in the distance.

Does this look like a big head, or is it just me?

Here’s the hare’s resource guide to the park:

Promises promises; with all those critters spotted by the late Ms. Spotter, we saw no Titmice, tufted or not.

Honey Buns said that this is a well known hangout for prostitution....when reccing trail she saw one such service call.

Honey Buns shows off her new, "dollar fan".

With all the planning and setting the hares neglected a vital component of the hash… more beer than anyone could possibly drink. They only brought an appropriate amount for normal people, thus not enough to have a “Proper Circle” as Big Bird would say. The pack was rounded up and sent packing down the hill to the On-On, Bailey’s Smokehouse. “A freakin’ family restaurant”

We all got our seating figured out by 6:00 and at 6:10 Dogmeat was calling the circle to order. It was a circle in name only. The actual geometric shape was more of a series of irregular polygons. As good as the venue could have been, when we were there, it was overrun by rug-rats who were dragged away from their Nintendos for the afternoon.
That said, the circle was a brief and G-rated affair.
Hares: Alibi and Honey Buns
FRB: Anal and his kilt, and Miscast without his kilt
First into the BC was the still-gimpy Wrangler. (Considering he walked the entire trail, that feat was as mysterious as it was unexplained)
First trail in a while: Clitty Litter.

Then some accusations were heard:
Keyhole was called for trying to see what was under Anal’s hash kilt. It’s a different matter to ask, “What’s under your kilt?” and to actually lift the kilt to see for yourself. The scribe chose to belabor that point because he is also in the “Society of Kilted Hashers”, and such kilt lifting is usually unwelcome.
Over achiever: Dog E Style for haring Rumson’s hash earlier in the day.
Pussy Killer: Little Sacs says he didn’t actually launch the ordinance that left his workplace and landed in a civilian’s house killing the family cat. He was held guilty by association.
Hash dedication: Clitty was called up to congratulate her for renting a car to get herself to the hash.
There may have been other accusations, but they weren’t heard. The din of the restaurant overwhelmed the auditory input of the scribe.

Bailey’s Smokehouse [Rockland County]
at Bailey’s Blauvelt Inn
136 Erie St. E., Blauvelt, NY
The food was plentiful and tasty. The beer was of excellent vintage. What more can we say?

How’s about some pictures of the food?
Check it out:


DogE Style
SHHH Scribe


Friday, April 11, 2008

1139 YAAC does the little things

Y Ddraig Goch
(The red dragon)
Dydd Gwyl Dewi Hapus!
(Happy St. David’s Day)

Hash No. 1139
When: 03/01/08 3:00 PM
Where: Mountainside Park, Pompton Plains, NJ
Hare: YerAnAnalCyst (YAAC), Turd Taster
Weather: 45º, with clearing skies as the hash started.
Hashers: (15) Anal Lick It All, Breaststroke, Clitty Litter, Dog E Style, Dogmeat, Finger In, GeneYass, GI, Great Sex, Just Bruce, Just Matt, Papoose, Rat Bastard, Seoul Brudda, Twatever, and Whomp ‘em, Also, Anya and Quinn, And: Brady and Saliva.
Aaaah Spring is the in the air and the first hash of the Babes of March had arrived!
Spring may have been in the air but so was a snow squall, which greeted the early arrivers with blizzard-like conditions for several minutes.
Coincidentally, it was also St. David’s Day, honouring that Welsh dragon-slaying hunk of a guy... oh wait, no, that’s St. George (patron saint of England). Turns out, there’s no connection between old Dewi and the red dragon that adorns the Welsh flag (attached). For a full history see: http://www.stdavidsga-cymru.org/Dewisant.html
St. David’s best-known piece of advice is ”Gwnewch y pethau bychan” or “Do the little things” so take heart, there’s hope for all the hashers!
Despite his status as Patron Saint, He was recently elected the 47th most popular Welsh hero. [See Appendix A]
We can’t go to the beautiful rolling hills of Wales, so instead we’ll try those in Pompton Plains. There will be 2 chicken/eagle splits, beer check (don't worry, not going for worst beer award this year), and nice views if the weather cooperates. Also, if all the snow/ice melts, both eagles and chickens are likely to be going through some shiggy...so bring spare shoes/socks. Leeks and Daffodils are complimentary.
With the fresh layer of snow to slip and slide on, the hashers took to the area.
The conditions were also perfect for packing into snowballs. There were at least two documented snowball assaults on unsuspecting hashers:
Dog E picked up a stick and made like a batter, GeneYass quickly made snowballs and promptly beaned the batter. All subsequent ‘pitches’ hit the batter. It wasn’t until the 5th or 6th time that Dog E figured out that she was intentionally hitting him!
The second was when FRB Matt hunkered down behind a rock pile and ambushed the followers with a barrage of tightly formed snowballs.
GeneY made and carried a pint-sized snowman on trail. She thoughtfully placed it on trail in a place she knew would encourage and those left behind.
Also noted was GI’s intimate knowledge of the area, which allowed the back of the pack to take an impromptu short cut along the natural gas line, back to the start.

The circle was called to order by Rat Bastard at precisely 4:50.
First up the perfunctory down-downs:
Hare: Yer An Anal Cyst (YAAC), and her trust sidekick, Turd Taster. As TT was not in attendance, her down-down was deferred.
FRB: Finger In and new guy, Matt.
DFL: Dog E Style and Clitty Litter.
· Dogmeat called up GI. It seemed that GI took a special interest in GeneYass’s ‘new’ car. He picked the precise moment that GeneY was changing in her car to look inside at the interior.
· Dogmeat for Moussing his arm.
· Whomp ‘em’s new cowboy boots also drew considerable attention as well as a drink.
· Dog E for taking leave of the circle. He was seen sprinting away in hot pursuit of Saliva, who was approaching some indigenous wildlife. This may also account for the brevity of these proceedings.
· Breaststroke was called up as the BD boy. His big day was the next day.
· Twatever was called into the center for sporting a strange blanket-like cover.
As this was the third hash of the triple-header, the following hashers should be recognized. This may or may not have been acclaimed at the circle due to the scribe’s disappearance
Over-Under achiever: Dog E hared the hash the previous night, (2/29) then attended Col. Hogan’s birthday hash in the morning, and then this event. The under achieving part is that he was DFL at both of the day’s hashes.
Over-over achiever: Great Sex: Also attended all three, except she was front runners at all three.
Wannabe over achiever: GI, went to the Friday hash, and this one. He get’s honorable mention for attempting to get to the morning hash. He made it to the Parkway exit before being called off by his wife.
Ultimate underachiever: Rat Bastard admitted he stayed up drinking all night long. He even made a luge track in Dionne’s backyard. He was ‘sooooo’ hungover all hash day long.
He only attended the one hared by his better-half. He did get some credit for setting up a luge track in his backyard the night before
And just like that, the circle was concluded at 5:07PM. A short and sweet affair
In keeping with Saint David's Day tradition, the hare bought Daffodils for all harriets.
She also provided Leek soup for the chilled hashers. Leek soup is a kind of soup that is made out of salt, water and leeks. Because of its inexpensive cost it is often used in soup kitchens. It is often made with wild leeks. It is often considered to be a Welsh national dish
Interestingly, she did not serve Faggots. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Faggot_%28food%29

So we headed to Jiggs,
Jiggs Corner Music Saloon
1248 Route 23 North, Butler
The entertainment consisted of a TV showing a forgettable 1998 remake of Mighty_Joe_Young, about a big ape going apeshit in LA.
Finger In sported his new 3-Tequila-Floor t-shirt.
To Jiggs:. About 1 mile North of I-287 and a perfect hash bar. I promised the very pretty bartender that they guys would sing for their beer so get your voices ready to impress!
Something inspired Whomp ‘em to reminisce about last years Co-Motion by the Ocean. “The boat ride back & the vibrations of sitting at the back of the boat!!” she added, “I hope there’s a boat ride this year.”

Dog E Style

Appendix A:

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Joint Summit / Rümsön Häsh 1142 3/22/08

Hash Number 1142
Hares: Anal Lick it All and Mr. Jackson
Location: Liberty Tavern – Union NJ
Weather: Sunny, low 50's – perfect
Attendees: (23) Anal, Breaststroke, Brother Mike, Camel Bowels, Dave the Mason, Dead Man Walking, Dr. O, Elephant Dick, Flicker, GI, IRA, JR, Just Michelle, Keyhole, Miscast, Mr. Jackson, Papoose, Seoul Brudda, Sex, Tight Lips, Tub Slut, Twatever, Whomp 'em, Wrangler and I think a few others I am forgetting.

So there we were, on the first Saturday of Spring, also Easter Saturday hanging out at a bar at 10:45 am. Nothing like celebrating the warmer weather waiting for friends to arrive standing around a parking lot. As more and more people started to arrive a lot of discussion went into where people should park with there being limited parking available in the primary lot, most people not seeing the secondary lot and those late cummers filling the street.

As 11:15 approached Mr. Jackson went into something he rarely if ever does, no not his Depends, but Chalk Talk. Seeing that Rumson does not use this little prep talk to warn the hashers of their upcumming doom he was a little rusty in what actually to say during this diatribe. He got through it well enough and sent the pack off in a hurry.

The runners were off like the wind with the walkers staying behind to hear the shortcutting directions right to the beer check.

(Below notes on trail are either be made up or taken from drunken hashers due to the fact that I was the hare and drove to the Beer Check to bring libations to thirsty hashers).

The pack found the first check easily enough and most went to and fro on the adjacent streets to the check. Twatever, seeing a small entry to a bunch of shiggy diligently goes straight for the bush. Dave the Mason asked her if she had inside information and her reply was "No, but I think I know Anal well enough to know where he is going to take us" and sure enough that is where trail went. Straight through mud, prickers, shiggy and swamp land for the next mile or so. There were water crossings, a chicken eagle split and lots of water to get everyone wet and dirty.

Mr. Jackson
and I took the feeble and injured, Wrangler with his broken foot, directly to the beer check. We had just enough time to park the car and walk over to the place in the woods where the pack was going to meet us when Twatever comes bursting out of the woods like a bear is chasing her. Not even a minute later the walkers arrive from their short cutting ways and within 2 more minutes almost every eagle made their way into the beer check. A damn fine job by the hares to keep that pack together and have every one arrive within a 5 minutes span. All the thirsty hashers had was a fine case of Budweiser supplied by Mr. Jackson. No water or chips for those not inclined to the King of Beers.

After the Beer Check the pack was given simple direction of leave the woods, cross the bridge and look for the next check. Well this must have been to much information for Seoul Brudda because he leaves the woods and starts looking around aimlessly until Twatever saves him from traffic and send him down trail. Trail from the beer check stay just to the west of the Raritan River heading south until it joined some previously hashed territory in Springfield by a drainage ditch and old railroad crossing. Across the decrepit tracks and back to Liberty Ave where trail made a beeline back to the Tavern. Overall one hell of a trail.

Back at the Tavern it was simple enough, $5 on the bar and Mr. Jackson paid for your bar tab for 15 minutes. This work like a charm and everyone seemed happy. No circle, no accusations, no songs, just happy hashers enjoying a beer and some food with friends.

On On until Monday Night. Camel Bowels will be taking us through the bowels of Kearney for the Summit Full Moon Hash.

Scribe in practice,
Anal Lick it All

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

H.@.L.Y. S.H.!.T. hash

Ronen, this your computer sucks –big time. Yes I’m calling you Ronen not Finger In, because I need you to come down here and fix it. I had this write-up 99% done.. I saved it to this work computer. When I came back in the morning it disappeared. No amount of searching or crying could bring it back. Get down here and fix this goddam computer. OK, enough whining, this is a redo, but the one I tried to save was really good.

Holy Cow-Dung Poker Hash!

Hash No. 1138
When: 2/29/08 7:00 PM
Where: Dover RR Station
Hares: Dog E Style, Anal Lick it All, Twatever, Double Dribble (by proxy)
Weather: 30° with a threat of snow in the air.
Hashers: Camel Bowels, Dogmeat, Finger In, GI, Great Sex, Little Sacs, and Massengil.
No dogs, no kids.

Trail included FOUR bars,
~FOUR kilometers,
FOUR Hares,
FOURnicating fun over
FOUR hours done
Once every FOUR Years.
The format was first developed for the 2004 HOLY Sh!T hash: Hash On Leap Year – Sadie Hawkins Is Today. Some dissention of whether this was actually Sadie Hawkins day was brushed off by the hares. It makes for a good acronym, so too bad; Sadie Hawkins is today.
Like an overused cowboy movie cliché, the early arrivers had to wait for the train to pull into the station. Each tick of the clock brought the train closer to the platform. After waiting for the 7:17 train from Summit, Morristown and points east, the only gunslinger to arrive on that train was Finger In, the rest took more conventional forms of transportation.
Before leaving on the first leg, the assembled hashers drew a card from the deck. Bikers doing multi-stop rides popularized the theme of poker run. The format was for the hasher to draw a card from a deck, and have it recorded on their cards. Since there’s no bluffing or betting, secrecy was not needed. One deck would suffice since the player didn’t keep the card. This would be repeated at each stop along the way. The person with the best hand, second best hand and worst hand will be awarded prizes at the end of the Hash
The whistle blew and the On-On’s filled the chilled air. The pack in hot pursuit of flour soon found them in front of the Unique Bar & Grill. It was unique because it had the most expensive beers in town. It was also one of the most boring places on Blackwell St. It was also not a designated beer check, so the hashers continued their quest, eventually reuniting with the trail. After a brief foray into the environs of the train station, the trail led right back to the station, specifically, Murphy's Third Rail, as luck would have it, the Friday happy hour lasted until 8PM. As the hashers were enjoying their half priced beers, the guitar guy was strumming along in the corner, singing the Simon & Garfunkel songbook. At precisely 8PM the hash was on-out the door.
The second leg, set by Anal was to the west and south of the station, winding up at The Dart just as the snow was starting to fall. This bar was dark and dreary, more of a Rumson place then leap year place. Never the less, it had two major attractions, One: a beautiful bartender, but more importantly for hashers, cheap beer. Any domestic swill was $1.25 per mug. This price was sufficiently low, and the turnout so meager that one of the hares actually bought a round for the hash. (Grand total: $9). Among all that excitement, the third card was drawn.
Camel gave Sacs a lesson in dart tossing. He even knew how to keep score and add up the results.
The men’s’ room, in such a classy establishment had a unique feature. It had a large fist-sized hole in the door. That must be so that patrons could see if the room was occupied.
GI showed up just as the next leg was to start.
DogE thought he would set a good trail. The trail led up into and around a large cemetery. This caused the pack to get dazed and confused, since by this time the snow was getting heavier and starting to accumulate. The chalk marks on trees and poles was obscured by the blown snow. Soon enough, the pack got the scent and made it in to bar #3. The Laughing Lion, a fancy-smancy brew pub, with 101 choices on the beer list.
Looking at the PubCrawler - Pub/Brewery Review of the joint, an astute observer noticed this section:
Beer Quality Beer Selection Food Service Overall
N/A Great Good Good Good
too much fake foliage jennifer byrne, rockaway, NJ (09/29/1997)
That review was either a false accusation or taken to heart, since in the ensuing decade, the fake foliage was no more.

By now the snowstorm was in full force, with a few inches on the ground. The intrepid hashers, led by Twatever, made their way to the final bar of the evening. The ‘trail’ was an out-of-service train track, which followed the Rockaway River for a block or two. The pack celebrated completion of the arduous trail at bar #4; Murray’s a local hangout with at least two potential hashers.

Finishing off the poker run, the fifth card was drawn.

DogMeat was selected as the RA for the hash. The Circle was called to disarray at about 10:30PM. Much to the other bar patrons, we were denied the use of the unoccupied back room, so they got full effect of our antics.
FRB: Everyone
DFL: Camel, he got lost following white marks, instead of the hare. (There weren’t any trail marks for this section)
Poker: Best hand: Anal with three jacks.
Second best: Twat, who had pairs of queens and kings.
Third best: Sacs, with a pair of kings.
Worst: Massengil, queen high
Not paying attention: Finger In, who only had four cards.
Anal magnanimously refused the top prize, donating it to the bar bill. (Magnanimously was not easy to spell at the fourth bar)
Finger In mentioned that the first part of the trail was vaguely reminiscing of the worst trail ever –the one he set a few years ago. Leading from the train station to the Dart Bar.
Twatever: For her short-lived career of restaurant critic. She used a pseudonym in the above review of the Laughing Lion.
Little Sacs for surviving another year against all odds. His birthday was a day or two earlier.
Announcement: HOLY SHIT hash #3 will be held on February 29, 2012. The location will be announced sometime in the next four years.
Then the QGM was called. Like an AGM, it was the general meeting that is called every four years, but also each and every hash of the HOLY SH!T H3.
Minutes of the Quadrennial General Meeting:
By acclimation, Double Dribble was voted to another term as Grand Master, “Four More Years”. Other offices included the quadrennial hares were also renewed.
Finally, what’s a hash without a little petit larceny? As last one out the door, Dog E stole someone’s sweatshirt and sparkly scarf. His lame excuse that he thought it was one of ours, was did not go over well with the local constabulary.

On Out,
DogE Style,
Scribe HOLY SHIT hash