…And first official SHHH blog entry.
Run No: 1125 - The Annual Hare of the Dog Hash
Date: Tuesday, 1/1/2008 at 11 AM
Hare: Papoose on the Loose
Where: Nomahegan Park, Cranford, NJ
Weather: Overcast 45° (perfect for hashing)
Hashers: (25) Anal Lick it All, Breast Stroke, Bubbles, Cereal Killer, Dog E Style, Dogmeat, GeneYass, GI, Great Sex, Just Frank, Locomorrow, Massengil, Miscast, Orgasmitron, Rear End Wrangler, Seoul Brudda, Still Just Bruce, Sweet Pee, Twatever, and Whomp ‘em,
Plus: 5 Cranford Jaycee Alumni, Jack Martin, Lou Koehler, Chip Weiss, Bill Owings and Ian Ward.
And: Anya and Quinn, and Calvin and Leo
Also starring: Godiva
Bubbles drove from Anchorage just to tell us the punch line.
Start: Anchorage, AK US
End: Cranford, NJ US
Total Est. Time: 75 hours, 6 minutes
Total Est. Distance: 4399.40 miles
Locomorrow was one of the first arrivers. He was making like a bootlegger. His trunk was open as he hawked his wares. He wasn’t selling, more like unloading more Saku, Estonian beer. GI alleged that the beer was past its expiration date, but that was proven false. The little square where the expiration date should have been was empty. Did Loco file off the number?
Whomp ‘em showed up with GI. Her long awaited and much promised SHHH contact list was still MIA. (To be continued)
Trail:
Link: http://www.mapmyrun.com/run/united-states/nj/cranford/118027691
The day started out promising enough: rain, rain and more rain. It was intermittent but mostly pouring. To the relief of some the snow and ice had melted, but to the chagrin of others, that rendered the trail a swampy mess. (Perfect for hashing. Was that mentioned already?). Yes the hare set the trail, and it was reportedly well marked. The pack followed blue flavored flour through Nomahegan and beyond.
Ever the resourceful short-cutter, Dog E was surprised to see GeneY and Bubbles in his company. The trio was elated at being within sight of the front-runners well into the hash. This was quickly turned into remorse when it became apparent that the only way to catch up was to back-track and go back over that Rio Grande a third time. This effort was rewarded with the sight of a herd of 5-6 deer swimming across that river. Their nature walk included a view of a red-tailed hawk and other fauna. Godiva was in over her head –a predicament she hates. In an ill-advised run across river flotsam, she began to sink into the quicksand-like morass. An intrepid hasher was able to grab her collar and yank her to safety before she was swept away in the raging current. Their adventure continued through Fairview cemetery and the campus of Union Co. College. A long-cut at the end proved costly, costing the trio an additional mile when they missed a hole in the cemetery’s fence and had to find a legitimate exit. (This may be the longest paragraph in the scribe’s history)
Another interesting note: A previously unknown pact among the chickens: “What goes on during the chicken trail, stays on the chicken trail”. The above description notwithstanding, there were no down-downs awarded for any of the above.
While the pack was out there, Calvin and Leo were impressed with Papoose’s van. They were thrilled to get a chance to ‘drive’ the massive juggernaut.
Circle:
- Great Sex finally got the circle together with the help of Miscast’s protractor at 12:50pm.
- FRB: Dogmeat was seen “kicking it in” to “win the hash”.
- DFL: The trio of Dog E, Bubbles and GeneYass
- Non-runners: Twatever, Whomp ‘em
- Visitor/reboot: Bubbles (Still no punch line)
Other reboots: the 5 Cranfordites last seen exactly a year ago
The accusations then flew: - Dog E Style for urging hashers to call 911 to give him something to do
- Birthday boy: Massengil (it’s still a week or two away, but WTF?)
- Frank, a new guy was seen picking up the hash marks on trail. He’s new but not that new. What was he trying to accomplish?
- Great Sex was seen wearing racing gloves on trail.
It was also noted that GeneYass was wearing a marathon jacket. - GI called up Seoul Brudda for missing his own hash. He was like Ron Popeil, “Set it and forget it”.
- Miscast was called forth to acknowledge his new hobby –necrophilia. Plausible explanation: While making his way through the cemetery he commented that he loved the hole, even going down into it for his deviant sexual practice.
- The late Marcel Marceau was on trail –or so it seemed. While Dogmeat was at the front of the pack, his “On-On” calls were not heard. He may have been performing in mime.
- Just at that moment, a crazy lady driving an Accord with “Conquer Cancer” license plate drove at the circle. She may have been attempting to conquer the neoplastic disease by flattening potential patients.
- Wrangler tried to slink in under the radar, but was busted. His truancy from the start of the circle was punished appropriately.
- Milestone: Dog E Style was congratulated for attending his 250th Summit hash. To save the math: 250/1125 =22.22% of all Summit hashes!
Later, speculation arose of who might have attended more than 22%. Some of the likely suspects:
Breaststroke?
GI?
Keyhole?
Massengil?
Papoose?
Seoul Brudda?
Suck ‘em Up?
- Just as Dog E was about to put the cup to his lips, a Cranford cop pulled into the parking lot. Call it Coppus Interrupttus. After the cruiser cruised out the down-down was done.
- For his hyperactivity/AADD, Seoul Brudda was called up. He was antsy to get on with the circle and on-on to Frenchy’s. “Why aren’t we at Frenchy’s yet?”
He was displaying particular traits, let’s look at his symptoms:
Many projects going simultaneously; trouble with follow through.
A tendency to say what comes to mind without necessarily considering the timing or appropriateness of the remark.
A frequent search for high stimulation.
An intolerance of boredom.
Easy distractibility; trouble focusing attention, tendency to tune out or drift away in the middle of a page or conversation, often coupled with an inability to focus at times.
Trouble in going through established channels and following "proper" procedure.
Impatient; low tolerance of frustration.
Impulsive, either verbally or in action, as an impulsive spending of money.
Physical or cognitive restlessness.
Inaccurate self-observation.
He quickly disposed of his beer and re-asked the above question.
- Cereal Killer was called up for pussy-footing the trail. He managed to keep his feet and shoes dry by avoiding the trail. While the rest of the pack was fording streams and marveling at swimming deer, he stayed on the pavement –high and dry.
- Then it happened: 1:25pm on New Years Day, Dogmeat came out with his first whine of the year. He was heard to complain about the trail, and its traverse of a damn dam. He too didn’t want to get his feet wet, but just bitched about it.
- Breaststroke pulled a doozie. He expressed an interest in collecting the now due dues. He announced that unlike other banks, he was open for business on New Year’s.
- There were the usual announcements particularly with regards to the next weekly hash. And with that Sex sent the hash in peace to get a piece.
On On.
Where else but Frenchy’s?
Frenchy's Bar & Grill Inc
543 W Westfield Ave 545, Roselle Park, NJ Tel: (908) 245-9775
Not to be confused with: Frenchys, Frenchy's or Frenchy's.
This Frenchy’s is not foreign to offering annual meeting space. They host Umpires and wrestlers, St Patrick's Day Parade organizers, and even the local “dad’s club”: He said we have a Dad’s Club in town and they are very involved in kid’s programming and scholarships. He said they meet the third Wednesday of each month at Frenchy’s Tavern Banquet Room.
The nice bartender Frank, gave the hash give-away blue pens, which the scribe used to finish his notes. After Frank got tired of pouring beer for the hashers he was relieved by Sharon, a southpaw out of the bullpen.
Since this was Dog E Style’s first visit, he was keen to share his impression.
“It is dark and smoky. Even though smoking has not been permitted in NJ for two years, the walls and furniture still reek of nicotine”. At first glance, it doesn’t look welcoming or accommodating. There were no overhead lights, giving the place Greg Louganis-worthy “Dive” Status. The food quickly put that notion to rest. That’s not meant to be a criticism “perfect for hashers”/
Someone asked Bubbles about her alligator wrestling story. She asserted it was all true, and that she wrote it, it wasn’t lifted from an adventure magazine. She seemed to revel in the attention and her re-affirmed status as insane. However that status took a serious hit, when it was finally revealed that the aquatic reptile in question Alligator mississipiensis, known familiarly as a gator …
...Was only 2 feet long! That detail doesn’t make the story false. She laughed that until then, no one asked that crucial question.
The tables quickly resembled a banquet. Food of many varieties filled the table
Mrs. Miscast made her traditional crab-dip;
(Miscast also had a big bag of goodies, but nothing that comes close to the dip)
Wrangler brought London broil;
Sex gave us cheesecake;
Dogmeat sugarized some cheerio concoction. (Not as bad as it sounds)
Massengil brought the rich sweet treat, baklava
Breaststroke hit the floor; (Nobody called 911) the provisional diagnosis was vaso-vagal syncope. ICD-9 code: 780.2 Syncope and collapse. The reason for this malady was quickly determined –Dogmeat actually paid his hash dues on Jan 1!
[Oh wait delete that section. This page is in violation of HIPAA. The penalties of disclosing health information are severe.]
After being resuscitated, Breaststroke was flush with the excess capital, he and Dr O came up with a capital idea: We’ll hire the Goodyear Blimp or a banner plane. It will fly it over Giant’s Stadium during Jets games. Our logo will appear followed by the phrase: ----<”IF YOU WANT BEER AND THE SIGHT OF THE FEMALE BREAST – COME HASHING!” Then cooler heads prevailed the notion was shelved upon the realization that it would attract JETS fans.
Shortly after everyone was out the door, someone noticed a person with a familiar shirt at the bar. The bright shirt was a souvenir of Summit HHH’s 150th hash (October 17, 1987) at the Delaware Water Gap. After a few lubricating beers he let on that he was Tommy, the nephew of Horny Paws. He had been ‘away’ for a year, and is eager to rejoin society.
On-On to Summit Inter-hash 2008
Dog E Style
Scribe
DES/mmi
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