Run No. 1135
When: 2/16/08 at 2:00 PM
Weather: 35° partly cloudy. Perfect for hashing.
Where: The end of Locust Ave in Roseland, NJ
Hare: New Jersey Ex-Pat Anti-Coch. Or is it AntiCock?
Hashers: Alibi, Anal Lick it All, Breaststroke, Clitty Litter (NR), Comfy Hole, Dancin’ Fool, Dog E Style, Dogmeat, GeneYass, GI, Honey Buns, Just Bruce, Likes to Bang Poles, Little Sacs, Locomorrow, Massengil, Miscast, No Genitals, Orgasmitron, Papoose, Rat Bastard, Seoul Brudda, Sodom Me, SOS, Tub Slut, Twatever (NR),Whomp ‘em, and Yer and Anal Cyst (NR). And: Brady, Icebox, Maggie, and Nikki,
The hare promised: Shiggy, Good Beer, Fossils, Metaphysical conversation and good views, and hopefully a trail most of you haven't used in awhile. He mostly delivered, but many found the metaphysical conversation rather mundane.
URL for this route is: http://www.gmap-pedometer.com/?r=1645204
The turnout was excellent as you can see from the above list. It may have been a tribute to the visiting hare, or maybe nothing else was going on that day.
TRAIL
The hare du jour gave his chawk tawk in elemental Massachusettsian. He explained his New England hash marks, such as a song check and other hybrid marks, nothing too complicated. Left unexplained was why such an early start. While the hare is always given discretion with the start, our usual start time of 3:00PM was abandoned for no apparent reason.
At about 2:20 the pack was off, the hare kept the walkers in the fold until the big pack was away. His shortcutting instructions must have been effective since they apparently made it to the beer checks to greet the eagle runners.
The trail was still mostly frozen with about an inch of snow to camouflage the wet spots.
The hare announced that the second beer check represented the B in his A to B trail, thus giving a down-down free ride to all who wanted.
Dog E Style was typically lost on trail; his initial smartass attempt to be FRB was thwarted by the trail. He zigged right at the ‘song check’ when the pack zagged left. This ill-advised choice left him off the trail and out of sound range for quite a while. He eventually ‘Zenned’ his way to Riker Hill Park, and the awaiting beer truck.
The Three Stooges, Laurel and Hardy, Don Knotts, "Rob" Petrie (Dick van Dyke's character on the The Dick Van Dyke Show), Jack Tripper (John Ritter's character on Three's Company), Kramer (Michael Richards's character on Seinfeld), Chris Farley, and Mr. Bean are all examples of physical comedy characters. …Now add to that list, Little Sacs. He entertained the pack with his continuous pratfall routine. He must have been working on it for quite some time. Picture him falling multiple times within 40 seconds… One review noted, “He never got his footing before falling again and again.” Classic slapstick!
First beer check was in a fossil rich area: Walter Kidde Dinasaur Park. If the pack was expecting Jurassic Park, they weren’t disapointed –Well except that the dinasaurs were long dead, only footprints and fossils were left for us.
Jurassic sidebar:
During the Jurassic, the supercontinent of Pangea continued to break apart. Volcanic activity associated with this rifting produced lava flows that poured out over mudflats and into lakes, producing the resistant rock that forms today's Watchung Mountains. Molten rock intruded into basin sediments producing a sill, the Palisades Sill, and other ridges in Hunterdon and Mercer Counties. Bipedal dinosaurs roamed the basins during the Jurassic, leaving abundant footprints in the sediments layered among the lava flows. The Walter Kidde Dinosaur Park in Essex County boasts thousands of such footprints. Fossils of Semionotus, a fish related to the modern gar, are abundant in Jurassic lakebed sediments.
How can we not mention the really good beer at the fossil pit beer check: Bass Ale, Boddingtons, and Murphy's Irish Stout.
Where Dancing Fool was so zealous that he started collecting Anti-Coch’s can of beer before he had drained it. (How did he escape a down-down for that?)
OK, enough with the metaphysical conversation, back to the hash… A few slips and falls later the hashers were reunited for BC #2. What another BC and another sidebar? Yep, here ya go:
Nike Sidebar:
Riker Hill Park, the site of the “second” beer check was, in it’s former life, part of a Nike missile base. It’s Cold War goal was to shoot down Soviet bombers before they got too far inland. The bases always had two distinct areas; one had the missile silos, the other had the radar guidance unit to aim shots. All this was TOP SECRET in the 50’s and early 60’s.
Nike missile base http://alpha.fdu.edu/~bender/NY79.html
Although the East Hanover Launcher Area was mostly demolished, the Control Area atop Riker Hill in nearby Livingston remains partially intact. Here, a number of the Army's original barracks and other buildings have been adapted to serve as studios for local artists. The parking area has been adapted to accommodate beer checks by the local hasher group.
http://alpha.fdu.edu/~bender/NYsites.html
The hare regaled the troops with his story:
“When in a previous life I was an Infantry Officer in the U.S.Army Reserve, I was conducting some training at Fort Dix and one of the Sergeants working for me had actually been assigned to the Nike Missile Radar Tracking Station on Riker Hill. It's been so long since I had that conversation with him, but I thought it was neat to actually have met someone who had been stationed there”.
After making our way back through the slippery slopes, the group regrouped in the parking area along nearly deserted Locust Ave.
CIRCLE:
Before Rat Bastard, our humble Religious Advisor could get the circle under way; Dog E presented two full cases of leftover Saku beer to anyone and everyone. These were donated by Loco, who was very cagey when asked how he managed to load his car with case after case. Some speculated that he was present at Estonia’s version of the Boston Tea Party.
The circle was convened at about 3:45pm
Anti-Coch was of course summoned to the center to account for himself in the midst of the contented hashers.
Compulsory down-downs:
· FRB: Anal and ____
· DFL: Likes to Bang Hole and Tub Slut
· Non-runners: Only Twatever was there, but she declined the honor.
· Visitors: Likes to Bang Poles (From New Haven, Ct H3 and Sodom Me, originally from Happy Valley, but now in the Suffern, NY area)
· Perennial non-visitor visitors: Tub Slut and Anti-Coch
Then the accusations flew:
Anal accused his fallen brethren of not being on the up and up. He called up anyone who had fallen on trail. It’s probably certain that given his definition of falling: “anyone who put any body part on the ground except their two feet”, everyone should have qualified, but only Alibi, Breaststroke, Little Sacs (more on that later), Massengil and Rat Bastard stepped up to face the down-down. [Ed note: run on sentence, so what!]
Over achievers: Seoul, Breaststroke, Bruce, O, Dogmeat, SOS, chose to forgo the B ending and ran back to the A.
Dog E came to the center with distressing news: He wasn’t looking a gift horse in the mouth; he was holding a gift beer. Under normal circumstances, free beer is one of the best things in the hasher world, but in this case the beer he was holding was a Haz-Mat in a bottle. It was one of the surviving beers that LocoMorrow donated to last weeks hash. It was bad, in a bad way. As previously reported in this space, it had the not-so-subtle bouquet of diesel fuel. Curiously, Loco chose to accept his down-down from one of the already poured cups.
GeneYass was called up for trying to deny her past life as tennis legend, Arthur Ashe’s wife, Jeanne Ashe. Yes it’s a stretch -but what the hell.
Breaststroke not only invented his own trail, but also encouraged several hashers to follow. Papoose, Geney, Loco and Comfy Hole followed the leader, but couldn’t find their way though the decades old security fence and get to the beer.
Hey there’s some irony there... Comfy Hole, couldn’t find a comfortable hole through the fence… (Oh forget it)
Then self-anointed hash historian, TubSlut, called the hare an imposter. It seems that Anti-Cock, was masquerading as Anti-Coch. The hare dismissed that notion with the parenthetical, (Anti-Coch: the name having been derived from doing graduate school at ANTI-OCH.)
Posing as a security guard: Dancin’ Fool was wearing a t-shirt emblazoned with SECURITY on the back.
SOS was called up to be congratulated for procreating. His daughter, Anna Sophia was born a week ago. Joining him in the festive down-down was the baby’s grandfather, Seoul Brudda.
Latecomer: Twatever showed up as the circle was in progress, but never got out to enjoy her (NR) down-down.
Breaststroke revealed that he was ‘featured’ on Norwegian television. The pack could only assume that it was in a porn flick, so in the absence of champagne, he was given a mundane beer down-down.
Dr. O protested that Breaststroke should have been given a Scandinavian beer as his down-down, referring to the Saku Estonian beer. He contended that Estonia was in Scandinavia; this brought the geography nerds to their feet. The Estonians are a Finnic people closely related to the Finns, with the Estonian language sharing many similarities to Finnish. (For the record, Estonia is on the south side of the Gulf Of Fnland, but it is a Baltic state.) Depending on Loco’s suppy chain, this may be the last reference to Saku, Estonian beer.
All dog owners were told to “come”: Anal, Bang, Sacs, and Rat. Dog E was dog free for this hash.
Speaking of dogs, Little Sacs was called up for losing his mutt on trail. He was so intent on keeping up with the pack that he lost contact with Maggie. They were eventually reunited, so Maggie couldn’t maul anyone else.
Miscast, bumbled some beer, spilling a few of the carefully poured cups onto Locust Ave.
For the dreaded technology on trail, Tubby, AC, Rat, Massengil, and Sodom Me, were called forth. Each used some form of battery-operated assistance on trail.
For being spotted holding hands on trail: Honey Buns and Alibi.
Then GeneYass noted that there was cheating going on while on trail. Semi-explanation: Dogmeat let Little Sacs go down on him… and Anal expressed jealousy that he wasn’t involved in the action.
Massengil got wind that two of the hashers in attendance were on line at precisely 2PM, the scheduled hash time. GI and Loco were emailing each other, until one re-checked the www.hashnj.com website and realized that the hash was gathering as they sat warm and dry in front of their respective computers. Both immediately hopped in their cars and made it to the start.
When Likes to Bang Poles, a visitor came forward for her down-down, she opted to do a banana down-down instead. It was more entertaining then that description. Since she did that option several times, there was some concern that she was getting too much potassium. A worry that was needless.
Potassium sidebar:
Food Size Potassium (in milligrams)
Banana 1 medium 560
Baked potato with skin 1 medium 850
So given her intake of 3-4 bananas, she may consumed 1.68 grams of Potassium, which is about a third of her Recommended Daily Allowance, of: 4.7 grams
A potassium-rich diet also blunts the effects of salt on blood pressure, may reduce the risk of developing kidney stones, and possibly decrease bone loss with age. The recommended intake of potassium for adolescents and adults is 4,700 mg/day
Sometime around then Rat Bastard’s hash song repertoire ran its course.
ON-ON
Speaking of nutrition, the hash then went in peace to Zagursky’s in Whippany. The frivolity continued.
SOS took pen in hand and waxed poetic about the challenges and rewards of parenthood.
“The birth of Ana Sophia happened last Saturday! Much advice from the hashers:
This will be the best time raising kids because it’s very simple. All their needs are apparent. –It’s either hunger, being wet or being tired. Later, they are teenagers, so it is harder. The best lesson – keep ‘em away from the hash until they are older.”
-SOS and DOSOS
Other miscellaneous commentary:
It was tu-tu:
Too long,
Too high,
Too dry, not enough ice.
-Seoul Brudda
“My bloodiest ever”
-Just Bruce
“I slipped on the ice five times on trail!”
“Rat Bastard’s dog at someone’s banana peel.”
-Little Sacs
“Lovely ice and really good beer!”
“Don’t remember much about the trail, must have been drinking”
-Whomp ‘em
“What? No cigars, SOS or SB?”
Announcements:
Next Full moon hash will be under the full moon in Mahwah.
Hares: Alibi and HoneyBuns
Trail: Promises to be a flat dry and possible very dark trail with excellent views of the pending lunar eclipse. Hares highly recommend bringing some type of illuminating device.
http://www.maniacworld.com/Feb-20th-Lunar-Eclipse-Timelapse.html
Then the
Hash On Leap Year. Sadie Hawkins Is Today
When: February 29, 2008
Where: Dover (NJ) RR station
Why: It’s a once every four year hash
Hares: Anal Lick It All, DogE Style, Twatever and a mystery 4th hare.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Friday, February 15, 2008
1134 Feb 9, 2008 Dog Ass hash
The Next Summit Hash House Harrier Run:
6th HHH Anniversary of
Dog E Style and Anal Lick it All
After completing hash assignments in Texas, Mexico and Pennsylvania, your usual hash scribe is back at the inkwell ready to offer the following hash trash.
Hash # 1134
When: February 9th, 2008 at 3 pm (ish)
Where: Towaco Train Station
Weather: Fantastic (40° under overcast skies) –Perfect for hashing
Hares Dog E Style and Anal
Hashers: (13) Clitty Litter, Finger In, GI, Great Sex, Just Matt, Keyhole, Lil Sacs, Miscast, Orgasmitron, Rat Bastard, Suck ‘em Up, Twatever, and Yer an Anal Cyst, (plus the McNulty 4) and Brady, Nikki and Maggie.
Excused absences: Dogmeat, Wrangler and Breaststroke.
Also excused: Seoul Brudda who was being upgraded to grandpa, and SOS who was trying to keep from hitting the floor as his baby was getting born.
Trail
For an estimation of the trail, click this: http://www.mapmyrun.com/run/united-states/nj/towaco/173400081
The pack was splintered early and often. A short introductory circle-jerk up was supposed to serve as a warm up, but seemed to confuse the pack from the get-go.
Total eagle distance: 6.46 miles with an elevation gain of 167 feet. (Both seemed more given the conditions)
As the hashers proceeded, they encountered a swampy ATV trail, which was alternately soft and mushy. With each footfall came a gamble. Would the foot stay above the spongy surface or sink ankle deep into the muck? It was immaterial, since wet shoes were inevitable on the first leg of the hash. If the temperature were 10 degrees colder the thin ice layer would have been thick enough to skate across, 10 degrees warmer and it would have been a shoe sucking bog.
The first BC was behind a shuttered office-type building. The pack got to this one after the foray into the muck and mire, a little more than a mile into it.
There was a mysterious feature of that location that, a mystery – until now… In the never-ending research that goes into these write-ups the scribe has solved a mystery. While standing in the back of the building strange petroleum like aroma wafted through the area. The source of the smell remained elusive, it came and went, until the pack headed back onto the trail. Now the reason that the mystery is solved is that the scribe poured himself a pint glass of Samuel Smith’s India Ale. It had a strange, rather unpleasant diesel flavor. Nothing a couple of Saku’s can’t cure.
Perhaps Defreni (290), of Frederiksberg, Denmark summed it up best at the ratebeer.com site:
Flaske. Helt klart en attraktiv øl i betragtning af at jeg fik den kun 2 månedr inden best before. STadig frisk med humle og yderst drikbar, det er bare ikke min type øl.
OK, away from the odor, and across the street. From there it was up to the train tracks for a hop to the other side of RT 287.
GI was feeling the remnants of a recent flu-like illness and was unable to carry on. He made it to the first BC, but could hash no longer.
The two beer checks –the first about a mile and a half into it then a second well earned BC after mile five.
The second BC was at an abandoned and boarded up house at the top of a hill. From certain angles, it was reminiscent of Norman Bates’ house in Psycho. A few hashers were brave enough to test the doors, but to our knowledge no one entered the structure.
From the second BC it was an easy downhill lope to the train tracks and back to the station.
Circle
In keeping with the healthy lifestyle promulgated by the hash [HASHING IS GOOD FOR YOU] there were no chips, Cheese Doodles, or trans-fat laden snacks of any kind. (Also because the hares forgot to pick them up).
On his way out the door, Just Matt was introduced to the crowd. He’s now completed his second hash, his first being GI’s hash two weeks ago. He lives in Livingston, and is apparently married. He must be because he told his wife, ‘I’ll only be gone for about an hours’. That hour was more like two, not counting hanging around the parking lot for 20 minutes awaiting the rest of the hash.
Rat Bastard promised a short circle The circle was initiated in the train station parking lot, right in ‘downtown’ Towaco. The circle was circled at 5:15PM.
Saku beer. The beer that’s also a number puzzle …Each Sudoku has a unique solution that can be reached logically without guessing. Enter digits from 1 to 9 into the blank spaces. Every row must contain one of each digit. So must every column, as must every 3x3 square… No wait, that’s something else…That’s Sudoku … my mistake. Saku is an Estonian beer. Locomorrow donated five cases to the hares. Try as they might, the hare left with three full cases. At the next hash, no one leaves until the beer is gone. Not necessarily consumed, just taken away. (Ed note: it’s not bad stuff – Really)
Here’s some of the more memorable –or at least written down— accusations.
· Dog E for having an unexplained foot print on his new Terra Porcus Lux hash shirt.
· For those that missed the BC: GI, Sacs, Miscast, Suck ‘em Up
· Auto hasher: Clitty Litter.
· Rat Bastard, who didn’t believe that the strands of toilet paper on trees were in actuality hash marks. He may have been unaware of the local flora and fauna. The accusation was that he thought the toilet paper grew on trees.
· Dog E was chided for missing Summit hashes. The lame excuse of being at the El Paso Tex-Mex, and the Groundhog Day TPL hash was not regarded as a good excuse.
· Speaking of missing hashes… Great Sex was called up for missing the Haggis Hash. She was ill, but not too sick to compose a lovely speech, which was delivered with great panache by Yer An Anal Cyst. (YAAC for short)
· Electronic engineers: Rat and YAAC looted the second beer check of valuable chattel
· Keyhole was in a rare diplomatic mood. He called forth Suck ‘em Up and Finger In, who got into a scrap at the first BC. It had to do with some Dogshit disposal disposition.
· Anal sez: Finger In had to help Brady over a fence.
o Dr. O was astute to point out that Finger In also wore his hat in while doing the down-down.
· Dr O accused the RA of not being short. (with the circle that is)
· In a deft turntable switcheroo, Rat got O in some kind of procedural trap, forcing the accusatory one to be accused. Thus Rat gave O a down-down.
o Hoist by his own petard… Dr O was observed wearing his head gear in the circle while doing the DD.
· Then apropos of nothing, b decided to give a speech. The gist of his speech directed at Little Sacs was that Anal would henceforth refer to Little Sacs as “Deranged”. He was quick to add that this was not a re-noming, just that the GM would alter his form of address to Sacs.
Then it happened… The short circle was concluded at 5:45. Just breaking the 30-minute barrier. And it should be mentioned that it was Dogmeat free.
On-On
The hare’s reprised their last year’s on-in. Bringing the crowd to the Boonton Ave Grille, known locally as the BAG. The few but hearty hashers made it to the BAM. Burger, beer and the like was consumed by all. Hash cash was $20.
On-out,
DogE Style
Scribe, SHHH
DES/mmi
6th HHH Anniversary of
Dog E Style and Anal Lick it All
After completing hash assignments in Texas, Mexico and Pennsylvania, your usual hash scribe is back at the inkwell ready to offer the following hash trash.
Hash # 1134
When: February 9th, 2008 at 3 pm (ish)
Where: Towaco Train Station
Weather: Fantastic (40° under overcast skies) –Perfect for hashing
Hares Dog E Style and Anal
Hashers: (13) Clitty Litter, Finger In, GI, Great Sex, Just Matt, Keyhole, Lil Sacs, Miscast, Orgasmitron, Rat Bastard, Suck ‘em Up, Twatever, and Yer an Anal Cyst, (plus the McNulty 4) and Brady, Nikki and Maggie.
Excused absences: Dogmeat, Wrangler and Breaststroke.
Also excused: Seoul Brudda who was being upgraded to grandpa, and SOS who was trying to keep from hitting the floor as his baby was getting born.
Trail
For an estimation of the trail, click this: http://www.mapmyrun.com/run/united-states/nj/towaco/173400081
The pack was splintered early and often. A short introductory circle-jerk up was supposed to serve as a warm up, but seemed to confuse the pack from the get-go.
Total eagle distance: 6.46 miles with an elevation gain of 167 feet. (Both seemed more given the conditions)
As the hashers proceeded, they encountered a swampy ATV trail, which was alternately soft and mushy. With each footfall came a gamble. Would the foot stay above the spongy surface or sink ankle deep into the muck? It was immaterial, since wet shoes were inevitable on the first leg of the hash. If the temperature were 10 degrees colder the thin ice layer would have been thick enough to skate across, 10 degrees warmer and it would have been a shoe sucking bog.
The first BC was behind a shuttered office-type building. The pack got to this one after the foray into the muck and mire, a little more than a mile into it.
There was a mysterious feature of that location that, a mystery – until now… In the never-ending research that goes into these write-ups the scribe has solved a mystery. While standing in the back of the building strange petroleum like aroma wafted through the area. The source of the smell remained elusive, it came and went, until the pack headed back onto the trail. Now the reason that the mystery is solved is that the scribe poured himself a pint glass of Samuel Smith’s India Ale. It had a strange, rather unpleasant diesel flavor. Nothing a couple of Saku’s can’t cure.
Perhaps Defreni (290), of Frederiksberg, Denmark summed it up best at the ratebeer.com site:
Flaske. Helt klart en attraktiv øl i betragtning af at jeg fik den kun 2 månedr inden best before. STadig frisk med humle og yderst drikbar, det er bare ikke min type øl.
OK, away from the odor, and across the street. From there it was up to the train tracks for a hop to the other side of RT 287.
GI was feeling the remnants of a recent flu-like illness and was unable to carry on. He made it to the first BC, but could hash no longer.
The two beer checks –the first about a mile and a half into it then a second well earned BC after mile five.
The second BC was at an abandoned and boarded up house at the top of a hill. From certain angles, it was reminiscent of Norman Bates’ house in Psycho. A few hashers were brave enough to test the doors, but to our knowledge no one entered the structure.
From the second BC it was an easy downhill lope to the train tracks and back to the station.
Circle
In keeping with the healthy lifestyle promulgated by the hash [HASHING IS GOOD FOR YOU] there were no chips, Cheese Doodles, or trans-fat laden snacks of any kind. (Also because the hares forgot to pick them up).
On his way out the door, Just Matt was introduced to the crowd. He’s now completed his second hash, his first being GI’s hash two weeks ago. He lives in Livingston, and is apparently married. He must be because he told his wife, ‘I’ll only be gone for about an hours’. That hour was more like two, not counting hanging around the parking lot for 20 minutes awaiting the rest of the hash.
Rat Bastard promised a short circle The circle was initiated in the train station parking lot, right in ‘downtown’ Towaco. The circle was circled at 5:15PM.
Saku beer. The beer that’s also a number puzzle …Each Sudoku has a unique solution that can be reached logically without guessing. Enter digits from 1 to 9 into the blank spaces. Every row must contain one of each digit. So must every column, as must every 3x3 square… No wait, that’s something else…That’s Sudoku … my mistake. Saku is an Estonian beer. Locomorrow donated five cases to the hares. Try as they might, the hare left with three full cases. At the next hash, no one leaves until the beer is gone. Not necessarily consumed, just taken away. (Ed note: it’s not bad stuff – Really)
Here’s some of the more memorable –or at least written down— accusations.
· Dog E for having an unexplained foot print on his new Terra Porcus Lux hash shirt.
· For those that missed the BC: GI, Sacs, Miscast, Suck ‘em Up
· Auto hasher: Clitty Litter.
· Rat Bastard, who didn’t believe that the strands of toilet paper on trees were in actuality hash marks. He may have been unaware of the local flora and fauna. The accusation was that he thought the toilet paper grew on trees.
· Dog E was chided for missing Summit hashes. The lame excuse of being at the El Paso Tex-Mex, and the Groundhog Day TPL hash was not regarded as a good excuse.
· Speaking of missing hashes… Great Sex was called up for missing the Haggis Hash. She was ill, but not too sick to compose a lovely speech, which was delivered with great panache by Yer An Anal Cyst. (YAAC for short)
· Electronic engineers: Rat and YAAC looted the second beer check of valuable chattel
· Keyhole was in a rare diplomatic mood. He called forth Suck ‘em Up and Finger In, who got into a scrap at the first BC. It had to do with some Dogshit disposal disposition.
· Anal sez: Finger In had to help Brady over a fence.
o Dr. O was astute to point out that Finger In also wore his hat in while doing the down-down.
· Dr O accused the RA of not being short. (with the circle that is)
· In a deft turntable switcheroo, Rat got O in some kind of procedural trap, forcing the accusatory one to be accused. Thus Rat gave O a down-down.
o Hoist by his own petard… Dr O was observed wearing his head gear in the circle while doing the DD.
· Then apropos of nothing, b decided to give a speech. The gist of his speech directed at Little Sacs was that Anal would henceforth refer to Little Sacs as “Deranged”. He was quick to add that this was not a re-noming, just that the GM would alter his form of address to Sacs.
Then it happened… The short circle was concluded at 5:45. Just breaking the 30-minute barrier. And it should be mentioned that it was Dogmeat free.
On-On
The hare’s reprised their last year’s on-in. Bringing the crowd to the Boonton Ave Grille, known locally as the BAG. The few but hearty hashers made it to the BAM. Burger, beer and the like was consumed by all. Hash cash was $20.
On-out,
DogE Style
Scribe, SHHH
DES/mmi
Groundhog day Scandal continues...
The cover-up and stonewalling continues…
I just received a most unsatisfying e-mail from Michele Neal, the “Groundhog Day Events Coordinator”. A call to her phone number yielded this organization:
Pa Great Outdoors.com. During the rest of the year, Neal shills for the Punxsutawney Area Chamber of Commerce.
The questions continue:
· Why didn’t some 30,000 people, many of whom were sober, see their shadow?
· Was the only sunlight in Western Pa. shining at Phil like a laser beam?
· Did the skiing and/or road plowing industry buy off Phil?
· Will this additional winter weather have a positive effect on global warming?
· Why can’t the Punx Chamber afford a grammar checker for their responses?
· Why can’t I get a reply from Rep. John Peterson (R-PA) “Proudly Representing the 5th District of Pennsylvania”?
Here’s the official response:
Mr. Style,
According to our records Phil actually made his prediction at 7:28 am so the sun had risen and even though it may have been slightly overcast he apparently say a beam of sunlight that cast a shadow upon him. Who are we to be doubters when it seems that his prediction is an accurate one.
Michele Neal
Groundhog Day Events Coordinator
(814)938-7700, ext. 3
The initial inquiry:
-----Original Message-----
From: http daemon [mailto:dogE_Style@comcast.net]
Sent: Wednesday, February 13, 2008 5:24 PM
To: events@punxsutawney.com
Subject: Groundhog.org Inquiry
Although the skies were obviously overcast, Punxsutawney Phil didn't seem to notice. President B Cooper announced that the rodent had seen his shadow.
There wasn't a shadow within 100 miles. There was no groundhog shadow for two compelling reasons:
1. The skies were overcast, with snow in the air.
2. More importantly, the sun hadn't even come up yet.
a. The official reached in and grabbed the world-famous rodent at precisely 7:25AM, a full minute before the sunrise (according to the USNO, Sunrise was at 7:26 a.m.)
b. Don't think that I made an error looking at my watch. I keep very accurate time.
Those facts notwithstanding, the media spread this false truth throughout the world.
I'm calling for a congressional investigation into this scandal. If a fine citizen like Roger Clemens has to undergo the scrutiny of a congressional sub-committee, then the 'Inner Circle' should also be brought to bear.
The 'Main Stream Media' was well represented at Gobbler’s Knob. The TV and print reporters improperly spread the word, and reported it without a shred of research, fact checking or skepticism. The only slightly skeptical media outlet was from Pittsburgh's Channel 11, which reported, "Despite low clouds, fog and freezing Drizzle the nation's first prognosticating groundhog saw his shadow."
Please don't tell me that the television lights confused the groundhog. If that were the case, every prediction would be a prolonged winter. I'm sure a media savvy rodent like Phil would not be so distracted that he misinterpreted those lights for sunshine.
I would like an official response before I call for a congressional review.
Sincerely,
Mr. D. E. Style
Summit NJ, 07901
I just received a most unsatisfying e-mail from Michele Neal, the “Groundhog Day Events Coordinator”. A call to her phone number yielded this organization:
Pa Great Outdoors.com. During the rest of the year, Neal shills for the Punxsutawney Area Chamber of Commerce.
The questions continue:
· Why didn’t some 30,000 people, many of whom were sober, see their shadow?
· Was the only sunlight in Western Pa. shining at Phil like a laser beam?
· Did the skiing and/or road plowing industry buy off Phil?
· Will this additional winter weather have a positive effect on global warming?
· Why can’t the Punx Chamber afford a grammar checker for their responses?
· Why can’t I get a reply from Rep. John Peterson (R-PA) “Proudly Representing the 5th District of Pennsylvania”?
Here’s the official response:
Mr. Style,
According to our records Phil actually made his prediction at 7:28 am so the sun had risen and even though it may have been slightly overcast he apparently say a beam of sunlight that cast a shadow upon him. Who are we to be doubters when it seems that his prediction is an accurate one.
Michele Neal
Groundhog Day Events Coordinator
(814)938-7700, ext. 3
The initial inquiry:
-----Original Message-----
From: http daemon [mailto:dogE_Style@comcast.net]
Sent: Wednesday, February 13, 2008 5:24 PM
To: events@punxsutawney.com
Subject: Groundhog.org Inquiry
Although the skies were obviously overcast, Punxsutawney Phil didn't seem to notice. President B Cooper announced that the rodent had seen his shadow.
There wasn't a shadow within 100 miles. There was no groundhog shadow for two compelling reasons:
1. The skies were overcast, with snow in the air.
2. More importantly, the sun hadn't even come up yet.
a. The official reached in and grabbed the world-famous rodent at precisely 7:25AM, a full minute before the sunrise (according to the USNO, Sunrise was at 7:26 a.m.)
b. Don't think that I made an error looking at my watch. I keep very accurate time.
Those facts notwithstanding, the media spread this false truth throughout the world.
I'm calling for a congressional investigation into this scandal. If a fine citizen like Roger Clemens has to undergo the scrutiny of a congressional sub-committee, then the 'Inner Circle' should also be brought to bear.
The 'Main Stream Media' was well represented at Gobbler’s Knob. The TV and print reporters improperly spread the word, and reported it without a shred of research, fact checking or skepticism. The only slightly skeptical media outlet was from Pittsburgh's Channel 11, which reported, "Despite low clouds, fog and freezing Drizzle the nation's first prognosticating groundhog saw his shadow."
Please don't tell me that the television lights confused the groundhog. If that were the case, every prediction would be a prolonged winter. I'm sure a media savvy rodent like Phil would not be so distracted that he misinterpreted those lights for sunshine.
I would like an official response before I call for a congressional review.
Sincerely,
Mr. D. E. Style
Summit NJ, 07901
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Groundhog Day in Punxsutawney Pa
The Legion of Dumb gets more members.
Question of the week:
Is it dumb to travel 6 hours in the middle of the winter to do a hash and then see a rodent?
It’s hard to refute. However, now that it’s over, even though it was pretty god-damned dumb, it was well worth it. To travel that distance and endure the sleep deprivation necessary to enjoy the antics was thrilling. To go to Punxatawney, and participate in a well-known slice of Americana was memorable (Now… if I could only remember…). To get bragging rights that I attended the actual Groundhog Day event: PRICELESS. (Cross that off the ‘Bucket List’!)
Dog E's Photos (that reminds me, I gotta get a new camera!)
http://www.kodakgallery.com/ShareLandingSignin.jsp?Uc=8vsl89vv.brvprmrr&Uy=-wmdsxf&Upost_signin=Slideshow.jsp%3Fmode%3Dfromshare&Ux=0
Hit the View Slideshow then the Play Button.
TRAVEL
Simple enough directions: Summit to Harrisburg (really Enola): 151 miles, a tad more than 2 ½ hrs. That part seemed simple enough. The directions just had 4 lines: Rt 78 turns into 81S. Exit 65, south 1.9 miles look for Toms service station. The trip west took about that amount of time, but the drive was done with the windshield wipers going the entire way, sometimes on intermittent, but on the whole time.
When I got to the designated Tom’s station, I was alone (Enola spelled backwards) for about an hour, until the other hashers started showing up. I was heartened by the presence of a hasher’s car in the lot; it turned out, it was left by someone who had left for Punx earlier in the day. About 5PM the cast was assembled. Through the miracle of cellular technology, we knew of BushRat’s adventures with the rental company. With the addition of one late-cummer, we were off by 6PM. We then loaded the van with warm clothes and hot hashers for the second leg:
I was with 10 of my closest friends. That’s not to say I liked them, it’s just that we were squeezed into the 15(!?) passenger van for the three and a half hour -166 mile ride to the “camp”. If memory serves, the van was populated by these hashers: Chapped Lips, COGO, Da Piss Mode, Dog E Style, Dude -Where’s My Mullet, Eager Beaver, Kodick Moment, Lunachic, Quarter Stick, and Sticky Buns.
The trip was good-natured, and well lubricated with intoxicating beverages. We were all in good spirits in eager anticipation of what was to come. Of the 10, only 3 were TPL veterans. The cell phones were getting a workout trying to include dozens of other hashers in our frivolity. (TubSlut and Deathwith were among those contacted) We spent some time singing dumb hash songs, sometimes discussing our favorite episodes of the Dukes of Hazzard, we also made contact with the Nittany Valley bus coming from State College. Wise-assed, Just Matt called to lie that their bus was broken down en-route to Punxatawney. BushRat, our designated driver/tour guide, endured our antics while navigating the icy roads of western Pennsylvania.
Duck Island
We arrived at ‘Duck Island sometime around 8:30PM. The anticipation of Duck Island didn’t live up to its reality. What it really was was someone named Kathy’s house and backyard. The island part comes in because a portion of the yard was separated from the rest by a pair of footbridges, which crossed icy-snowy streamlets. The owners, Kathy and her husband aren’t hashers, but were very tolerant of hash behavior. It was a suitable staging area to keep some 60 hashers happy through the long night.
The perfunctory registration process was completed on board the bus, and everyone was outfitted with a powder blue hoody sweatshirt with an embroidered TPL logo patch on the left breast. The giveaway was a bit lame considering this is the ‘last one ever’. The choice of light blue was inspired, making them stand out in a crowd, such as the one we would join by dawn’s early light.
The hashers gathered and ate tons of hot dogs and burgers until midnight when they were summoned to the bus for the hash. Before joining the bus passengers, the hashers took the opportunity to change into their hash clothes. Some hashers were wearing layer upon layer, making them the size of linebackers. The bus was filled and driven to Gobblers Knob. So far, so good…
Trail
Hares: Tu-Tu Fairy, Pork Screw and Bush Rat. (I think there was a fourth, but the brain cells that were used to store that information were lost that night). Weather: 29° under cloudy skies –Perfect for hashing.
As the pack left the comfort of the bus, surly cops met them and immediately started giving attitude. After a photo-op in front of ‘Phil’s sign’ the hares took off with the confidence the pack would follow after ten minutes. However, the cop’s surliness increased to the point of obnoxiousness. (They were guarding a sign at midnight. How much easier duty could you get?) The hare’s were away and after the attitude from the cops, the pack was off in hot pursuit. The 10 minute head start turned into two or three. It wasn’t immediately apparent, but only half the bus got off to do the trail the others were carted off to town to await the pack.
Trail included some snowy fields, but was mostly on icy roads. In many spots each step was so treacherous that hashers were taking baby steps, making the pack look more like the March of the Penguins, than a running event.
There was shortcutting galore, the pack was together for short intervals, coming together then spreading out like a Busby Berkeley production number. Certain savvy short-cutters including Dog E and QuarterStick ran into the hares as they winded their way through the downtown area. Eventually the pack was reunited with the bus-hashers and sent carted back to the ‘island’. To the disappointment of some, the town didn’t look like it did in the Bill Murray movie. As it turns out, the flick was filmed in Woodstock, Illinois.
The trail may (or may not) have looked something like TPL hash map(?).
Upon return to the staging area, the bonfire was smoldering at first but with the help of Da Piss Mode’s dragon breath, and Quarterstick’s combustible contributions, it was raging soon enough.
Circle
Eventually everyone was rounded up and made their way back to our Duck Island. Pork Screw did an admirable job of keeping thing running; he first invited the trio from Portland Oregon to join him for a down-down. Then the usual stuff of visitors, locals FRBs, DFL’s, first timer TPL’s, you know, that kind of stuff.
The most entertaining moment was when the RA grabbed the opportunity and his dick. He slinked to a dark spot on the outside of the circle for a well-deserved pee. Just at that moment, Matt from H5 had a similar idea, with the two in the same place at the same time. Matt walked into the fire-hose like stream. This was much to Matt’s chagrin, but the amusement of everyone else.
This circle is not the reason for the gathering. That wouldn’t come for another 5 hours. After the circle did an abridged rendition of Swing Low, the hash stayed for several more hours of carousing and drinking.
A careful look at the time revealed that the 5 o’clock hour was approaching and it was time to get ready for the rat.
The entertainment for the next few hours was watching not-so- normal NORM, in his endless pursuit of his beer.
“Where’s my F’n 30-pack of Budweiser cans?”
He got some sympathy but the overriding emotion was “What an asshole!” “Who leave a case of beer next to hashers, and expects it to be there 4 hours later?”
The Mis-Management did an exemplary job of buying the perfect amount of beer for the night. The beer ran out at 5:01am, precisely timed to coincide with the departure of the bus for the Knob. The lack of beer played a role on the way back from the Knob, but that’s another story.
GOBLERS KNOB
Arriving at the Knob is like walking into a slice of Americana. The crowd was estimated to be 30-40,000 chilly souls. The Punxatawneyians did their level best to entertain the masses before the big reveal.
Along with singing and dancing they held a bogus version of The Newlywed Game. Shortly after the winners were announced, the second-place couple came forward and got engaged right there. Amazingly, no one except me thought that odd. Not to be outdone, two other wankers also took a knee in front of the chilly congregation. So for those scoring at home, (way to go!), that’s three newly engaged couples at the stump.
After this lovey-dovey stuff the skies lit up with fireworks. I exaggerate. The firework extravaganza was less then QuarterStick goes through every evening before bed. There was some speculation that the noisy boom-booms would awaken the rodent-of-honor prematurely. Those worries proved to be unwarranted; Phil wasn’t aroused until he was handled (sound familiar?).
So that brings us to another point of contention… The hash is known as TERRA PORCUS LUX -(TPL for short, in case you were wondering about all those TPL’s above). What the hell is Terra Porcus? What it isn’t is the scientific name of the groundhog in the stump. Phil’s official name is, Marmo ta monax. This Terra Porcus is a latin translation of Ground (Literally: Earth) and Hog (actually pig but who’s counting) Lux also means Light for what that's worth.
So at precisely 7:25 AM the crowd was whipped into a ecstatic frenzy by the prospect of witnessing history.
Lost souls: 2 hours to leave the Wal-Mart plaza. Appropriately Shadow was last seen at the Knob.
Scandal:
Although the skies were obviously overcast, the Groundhog Day President, Bill Cooper didn’t seem to notice. (There was some speculation that this man was also known as DB Cooper, the famous plane jumper from the 70’s. The plot thickens.
“President, DB Cooper announced that the rodent had seen his shadow. There wasn’t a shadow within 100 miles. There was no groundhog shadow for two compelling reasons:
1. The skies were overcast, with snow in the air.
2. More importantly, the sun hadn’t even come up yet.
a. The official reached in and grabbed the world-famous rodent at precisely 7:25AM, a full minute before the sunrise.
b. Don’t think that I made an error looking at my watch. I keep very accurate time –the The National Institute of Standards and Technology —calls me for the correct time.
Those facts notwithstanding, the media spread this false truth throughout the world.
I’m calling for a congressional investigation into this scandal. If a fine citizen like Roger Clemens has to undergo the scrutiny of a congressional sub-committee, then the ‘Inner Circle’ should also be brought to bear.
Sidebar A
http://aa.usno.navy.mil/data/docs/RS_OneDay.php
The following information is provided for Punxsutawney, Jefferson County, Pennsylvania (longitude W79.0, latitude N41.0):
Saturday
2 February 2008 Eastern Standard Time
Begin civil twilight 6:57 a.m.
Sunrise 7:26 a.m.
Sunset 5:34 p.m.
Predictions and official photos: http://www.groundhog.org/prediction/
The ‘Main Stream Media’ was well represented at Gobler’s Knob. The TV and print reporters improperly spread the word, and reported it without a shred of research, fact-checking or skepticism. The only slightly skeptical media outlet was from Pittsburgh’s Channel 11, which reported, “Despite low clouds, fog and freezing Drizzle the nation's first prognosticating groundhog saw his shadow.” Bu!!s^it! There was no f’ing shadow!!
Despite the facts, the truth was not disclosed. This kind of information makes everything else in the MSM come into question. They ALL got it wrong!
· http://www.stormfax.com/ghogday.htm:
· msnbc.msn.com
· The Register of Great Britain
· FoxNews.com
· CNN.com
· ABC news
· Including their Houston affiliate station
· WBIR in Knoxville, Tennessee
· The Chicago Tribune
· Even The Star-Ledger went along with the charade!
· Reuters.com (with a dateline of PHILADELPHIA
Phil's official forecast as read 2/2/08 at sunrise at Gobbler's Knob:
Hear Ye! Hear Ye! Hear Ye!
On Gobbler's Knob on this fabulous Groundhog Day, February 2nd, 2008
Punxsutawney Phil, the Seer of Seers, Prognosticator of all Prognosticators,
Rose to the call of President Bill Cooper and greeted his handlers, Ben Hughes and John Griffiths.
After casting a weather eye toward thousands of his faithful followers,
Phil consulted with President Cooper and directed him to the appropriate scroll, which proclaimed:
"As I look around me, a bright sky I see, and a shadow beside me.
Six more weeks of winter it will be!"
Dumb?
By now you, dear reader, have come to your own conclusion of the goings-on. The Mis-management team have given every indication that this was the “IT'S THE LAST ONE EVER!!!” Terra Porcus Lux Hash.
We’ll see.
Sidebar B
Quote Score:
“F’in rat” – 10
“Who took my F’n Budweiser?” –100
“Smackmybitchup” -10,000
On Out
Dog E Style
DES/mmi
Question of the week:
Is it dumb to travel 6 hours in the middle of the winter to do a hash and then see a rodent?
It’s hard to refute. However, now that it’s over, even though it was pretty god-damned dumb, it was well worth it. To travel that distance and endure the sleep deprivation necessary to enjoy the antics was thrilling. To go to Punxatawney, and participate in a well-known slice of Americana was memorable (Now… if I could only remember…). To get bragging rights that I attended the actual Groundhog Day event: PRICELESS. (Cross that off the ‘Bucket List’!)
Dog E's Photos (that reminds me, I gotta get a new camera!)
http://www.kodakgallery.com/ShareLandingSignin.jsp?Uc=8vsl89vv.brvprmrr&Uy=-wmdsxf&Upost_signin=Slideshow.jsp%3Fmode%3Dfromshare&Ux=0
Hit the View Slideshow then the Play Button.
TRAVEL
Simple enough directions: Summit to Harrisburg (really Enola): 151 miles, a tad more than 2 ½ hrs. That part seemed simple enough. The directions just had 4 lines: Rt 78 turns into 81S. Exit 65, south 1.9 miles look for Toms service station. The trip west took about that amount of time, but the drive was done with the windshield wipers going the entire way, sometimes on intermittent, but on the whole time.
When I got to the designated Tom’s station, I was alone (Enola spelled backwards) for about an hour, until the other hashers started showing up. I was heartened by the presence of a hasher’s car in the lot; it turned out, it was left by someone who had left for Punx earlier in the day. About 5PM the cast was assembled. Through the miracle of cellular technology, we knew of BushRat’s adventures with the rental company. With the addition of one late-cummer, we were off by 6PM. We then loaded the van with warm clothes and hot hashers for the second leg:
I was with 10 of my closest friends. That’s not to say I liked them, it’s just that we were squeezed into the 15(!?) passenger van for the three and a half hour -166 mile ride to the “camp”. If memory serves, the van was populated by these hashers: Chapped Lips, COGO, Da Piss Mode, Dog E Style, Dude -Where’s My Mullet, Eager Beaver, Kodick Moment, Lunachic, Quarter Stick, and Sticky Buns.
The trip was good-natured, and well lubricated with intoxicating beverages. We were all in good spirits in eager anticipation of what was to come. Of the 10, only 3 were TPL veterans. The cell phones were getting a workout trying to include dozens of other hashers in our frivolity. (TubSlut and Deathwith were among those contacted) We spent some time singing dumb hash songs, sometimes discussing our favorite episodes of the Dukes of Hazzard, we also made contact with the Nittany Valley bus coming from State College. Wise-assed, Just Matt called to lie that their bus was broken down en-route to Punxatawney. BushRat, our designated driver/tour guide, endured our antics while navigating the icy roads of western Pennsylvania.
Duck Island
We arrived at ‘Duck Island sometime around 8:30PM. The anticipation of Duck Island didn’t live up to its reality. What it really was was someone named Kathy’s house and backyard. The island part comes in because a portion of the yard was separated from the rest by a pair of footbridges, which crossed icy-snowy streamlets. The owners, Kathy and her husband aren’t hashers, but were very tolerant of hash behavior. It was a suitable staging area to keep some 60 hashers happy through the long night.
The perfunctory registration process was completed on board the bus, and everyone was outfitted with a powder blue hoody sweatshirt with an embroidered TPL logo patch on the left breast. The giveaway was a bit lame considering this is the ‘last one ever’. The choice of light blue was inspired, making them stand out in a crowd, such as the one we would join by dawn’s early light.
The hashers gathered and ate tons of hot dogs and burgers until midnight when they were summoned to the bus for the hash. Before joining the bus passengers, the hashers took the opportunity to change into their hash clothes. Some hashers were wearing layer upon layer, making them the size of linebackers. The bus was filled and driven to Gobblers Knob. So far, so good…
Trail
Hares: Tu-Tu Fairy, Pork Screw and Bush Rat. (I think there was a fourth, but the brain cells that were used to store that information were lost that night). Weather: 29° under cloudy skies –Perfect for hashing.
As the pack left the comfort of the bus, surly cops met them and immediately started giving attitude. After a photo-op in front of ‘Phil’s sign’ the hares took off with the confidence the pack would follow after ten minutes. However, the cop’s surliness increased to the point of obnoxiousness. (They were guarding a sign at midnight. How much easier duty could you get?) The hare’s were away and after the attitude from the cops, the pack was off in hot pursuit. The 10 minute head start turned into two or three. It wasn’t immediately apparent, but only half the bus got off to do the trail the others were carted off to town to await the pack.
Trail included some snowy fields, but was mostly on icy roads. In many spots each step was so treacherous that hashers were taking baby steps, making the pack look more like the March of the Penguins, than a running event.
There was shortcutting galore, the pack was together for short intervals, coming together then spreading out like a Busby Berkeley production number. Certain savvy short-cutters including Dog E and QuarterStick ran into the hares as they winded their way through the downtown area. Eventually the pack was reunited with the bus-hashers and sent carted back to the ‘island’. To the disappointment of some, the town didn’t look like it did in the Bill Murray movie. As it turns out, the flick was filmed in Woodstock, Illinois.
The trail may (or may not) have looked something like TPL hash map(?).
Upon return to the staging area, the bonfire was smoldering at first but with the help of Da Piss Mode’s dragon breath, and Quarterstick’s combustible contributions, it was raging soon enough.
Circle
Eventually everyone was rounded up and made their way back to our Duck Island. Pork Screw did an admirable job of keeping thing running; he first invited the trio from Portland Oregon to join him for a down-down. Then the usual stuff of visitors, locals FRBs, DFL’s, first timer TPL’s, you know, that kind of stuff.
The most entertaining moment was when the RA grabbed the opportunity and his dick. He slinked to a dark spot on the outside of the circle for a well-deserved pee. Just at that moment, Matt from H5 had a similar idea, with the two in the same place at the same time. Matt walked into the fire-hose like stream. This was much to Matt’s chagrin, but the amusement of everyone else.
This circle is not the reason for the gathering. That wouldn’t come for another 5 hours. After the circle did an abridged rendition of Swing Low, the hash stayed for several more hours of carousing and drinking.
A careful look at the time revealed that the 5 o’clock hour was approaching and it was time to get ready for the rat.
The entertainment for the next few hours was watching not-so- normal NORM, in his endless pursuit of his beer.
“Where’s my F’n 30-pack of Budweiser cans?”
He got some sympathy but the overriding emotion was “What an asshole!” “Who leave a case of beer next to hashers, and expects it to be there 4 hours later?”
The Mis-Management did an exemplary job of buying the perfect amount of beer for the night. The beer ran out at 5:01am, precisely timed to coincide with the departure of the bus for the Knob. The lack of beer played a role on the way back from the Knob, but that’s another story.
GOBLERS KNOB
Arriving at the Knob is like walking into a slice of Americana. The crowd was estimated to be 30-40,000 chilly souls. The Punxatawneyians did their level best to entertain the masses before the big reveal.
Along with singing and dancing they held a bogus version of The Newlywed Game. Shortly after the winners were announced, the second-place couple came forward and got engaged right there. Amazingly, no one except me thought that odd. Not to be outdone, two other wankers also took a knee in front of the chilly congregation. So for those scoring at home, (way to go!), that’s three newly engaged couples at the stump.
After this lovey-dovey stuff the skies lit up with fireworks. I exaggerate. The firework extravaganza was less then QuarterStick goes through every evening before bed. There was some speculation that the noisy boom-booms would awaken the rodent-of-honor prematurely. Those worries proved to be unwarranted; Phil wasn’t aroused until he was handled (sound familiar?).
So that brings us to another point of contention… The hash is known as TERRA PORCUS LUX -(TPL for short, in case you were wondering about all those TPL’s above). What the hell is Terra Porcus? What it isn’t is the scientific name of the groundhog in the stump. Phil’s official name is, Marmo ta monax. This Terra Porcus is a latin translation of Ground (Literally: Earth) and Hog (actually pig but who’s counting) Lux also means Light for what that's worth.
So at precisely 7:25 AM the crowd was whipped into a ecstatic frenzy by the prospect of witnessing history.
Lost souls: 2 hours to leave the Wal-Mart plaza. Appropriately Shadow was last seen at the Knob.
Scandal:
Although the skies were obviously overcast, the Groundhog Day President, Bill Cooper didn’t seem to notice. (There was some speculation that this man was also known as DB Cooper, the famous plane jumper from the 70’s. The plot thickens.
“President, DB Cooper announced that the rodent had seen his shadow. There wasn’t a shadow within 100 miles. There was no groundhog shadow for two compelling reasons:
1. The skies were overcast, with snow in the air.
2. More importantly, the sun hadn’t even come up yet.
a. The official reached in and grabbed the world-famous rodent at precisely 7:25AM, a full minute before the sunrise.
b. Don’t think that I made an error looking at my watch. I keep very accurate time –the The National Institute of Standards and Technology —calls me for the correct time.
Those facts notwithstanding, the media spread this false truth throughout the world.
I’m calling for a congressional investigation into this scandal. If a fine citizen like Roger Clemens has to undergo the scrutiny of a congressional sub-committee, then the ‘Inner Circle’ should also be brought to bear.
Sidebar A
http://aa.usno.navy.mil/data/docs/RS_OneDay.php
The following information is provided for Punxsutawney, Jefferson County, Pennsylvania (longitude W79.0, latitude N41.0):
Saturday
2 February 2008 Eastern Standard Time
Begin civil twilight 6:57 a.m.
Sunrise 7:26 a.m.
Sunset 5:34 p.m.
Predictions and official photos: http://www.groundhog.org/prediction/
The ‘Main Stream Media’ was well represented at Gobler’s Knob. The TV and print reporters improperly spread the word, and reported it without a shred of research, fact-checking or skepticism. The only slightly skeptical media outlet was from Pittsburgh’s Channel 11, which reported, “Despite low clouds, fog and freezing Drizzle the nation's first prognosticating groundhog saw his shadow.” Bu!!s^it! There was no f’ing shadow!!
Despite the facts, the truth was not disclosed. This kind of information makes everything else in the MSM come into question. They ALL got it wrong!
· http://www.stormfax.com/ghogday.htm:
· msnbc.msn.com
· The Register of Great Britain
· FoxNews.com
· CNN.com
· ABC news
· Including their Houston affiliate station
· WBIR in Knoxville, Tennessee
· The Chicago Tribune
· Even The Star-Ledger went along with the charade!
· Reuters.com (with a dateline of PHILADELPHIA
Phil's official forecast as read 2/2/08 at sunrise at Gobbler's Knob:
Hear Ye! Hear Ye! Hear Ye!
On Gobbler's Knob on this fabulous Groundhog Day, February 2nd, 2008
Punxsutawney Phil, the Seer of Seers, Prognosticator of all Prognosticators,
Rose to the call of President Bill Cooper and greeted his handlers, Ben Hughes and John Griffiths.
After casting a weather eye toward thousands of his faithful followers,
Phil consulted with President Cooper and directed him to the appropriate scroll, which proclaimed:
"As I look around me, a bright sky I see, and a shadow beside me.
Six more weeks of winter it will be!"
Dumb?
By now you, dear reader, have come to your own conclusion of the goings-on. The Mis-management team have given every indication that this was the “IT'S THE LAST ONE EVER!!!” Terra Porcus Lux Hash.
We’ll see.
Sidebar B
Quote Score:
“F’in rat” – 10
“Who took my F’n Budweiser?” –100
“Smackmybitchup” -10,000
On Out
Dog E Style
DES/mmi
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